"Seasons Change and So Did I"

That song lyric came to me as I realized I am sad today. Not down, not depressed just Webster's dictionary sad. I have come to several conclusions about me and my life that aren't easy to face or admit. First I have come to the conclusion, and it is not earth shattering by any means, that real friends are just hard to find. I have lost several in the last year. And by lost I don't mean to death. I think that would be easier. To know that they are no longer in your life because they are no longer here. In fact, I don't mean lost at all. I mean that I have come to realize that they (and some of them I have considered "friends" for years) are not and haven't really ever been my friend. They have liked me, hung out with me, called me, shared things with me but it was all very temporary and usually all done at their convenience or my insistence. So basically not friends at all. I have two friends that I worked with who went on to bigger and better things and we still stay in touch, email on occasion, and face book. When we talk, it is like no time has gone by and if I ever need either one of them they will be there. Those are friends. Others who live right here in town and are in contact with me just sort of interact with me if time allows it or they are in the mood for it which by the way they usually aren't. I am sad about it because the people who fall into this category I have really truly loved and cared for. It is not easy to admit that perhaps they don't feel the same way for whatever reason. And because "friends" have always been an integral part of my life and who I am, I am sad about this. It is time to move beyond these people and quit trying to make them into something that they are just never going to be.
Second, I have come to the conclusion that no matter how frustrating and even infuriating it is at times, I need to be thankful for my job. I mean there are many people out there with no job. And for the most part I get to do something that I believe GOD created me to do and that is teach. Yes students are different and the administration, well I will just leave that alone, but I have employment and it helps pay the bills and put food on my table. So I am going to quit griping about it. I am going to, instead, try to be grateful. AND I am going to retire as soon as I hit the mark. It is not in my nature to "back down" from a fight when I see things that I know in my heart to be wrong but in the long run I don't see it making any difference (except to maybe make ME feel better) so I am going to just do my job and wait my time.
Third, I seem to be in a season of loss. Loss of my mom, my friends, joy in my work, and the ability to handle disappointments. But the seasons change and perhaps so have I. Perhaps it is not a bad thing. Perhaps these things that are making me sad NEED to go. The song says it best "seasons change and so did I, you need not wonder why."

Getting My Laughter Back

As most of you know, my mom passed away recently and even though she was 89, for us, and I believe for her, it was really and truly totally unexpected. For the 11 days leading up to her death and for the 5 weeks now since..I seem to have lost my laughter. I am a "laugher" (is that even a word?) by nature because I am basically immature and laugh at just about any and every thing. I also crack myself up quite often so laughing is something that is a constant with me. My mom loved my laugh/smile more than anything else about me and I am sure she would not be happy about the fact that I seem to have misplaced it. I mean I have laughed some since July 25th but not much of it has been that deep belly hysterical laughter that is such a staple in my life. Don't misunderstand....I am not walking around with a cloud over my head and I still manage to be witty and sarcastic but let's be real...that only brings laughter to others...and I of course am all about entertaining my friends!! But I need a good hard long belly laugh to "restart" that part of me that seems so sad now. So send me corny jokes, fart when you are with me, (told you I was immature) or say something like "wiener" when you mean hot dog and maybe we can get me back on track. Any and all help would be greatly appreciated :0)

Time...Slippin' Through My Fingers

Just look at her. Go ahead, take a good long look. Is she not the cutest thing EVER? Twenty years ago almost to the minute that I am writing this Dr. Herbert held this little girl in front of my face and said "here you go, it's a Katie Rae". I remember saying "she's not very cute" and his reply was "yeah well she doesn't think too much of you either". Okay let me clarify. I had just undergone a C-section, had a little difficulty, and was somewhat medicated and Dr. Herbert her pediatrician was already in love with her. Still is to this day as a matter of fact. As is EVERYONE who comes in contact with her. She is fun, reliable, dependable, extremely independent, stubborn, opinionated, sympathetic, witty, talented, and yes at times mean. I am proud of her. I love her so much and now today as I write this she is no longer a teen. And as the song goes "I look at her and see time slippin' through my fingers." Where did it all go and how did this little girl grow up overnight? She will be moving into her "own" place two weeks from Thursday. She has her life mapped out and is taking the steps needed to reach her destination. When I was twenty I didn't know if I was washing or hanging out most of the time. But not Katie Rae. Determined is the word that describes her best. My heart is a little heavy today as I realize that even though she will ALWAYS be our "little girl", she is not a little girl anymore. Happy Birthday Miss Katie, may today and everyday be everything you hoped for.

Shelton Memorial Vet Clinic AND Animal Shelter

Remember the goat George saved running down the road at rodeo? Or the sick frozen cat that I wrapped up in my mom's FAMILY blanket for it to ride to the pound in comfort as they most likely put it to sleep after I had TRIED to feed and care for it for a week? Or the dog down the street that is German Shepherd size that the owners have chained out in the yard with a Chihuahua sized dog house that George went and gave them a big one and they finally UNCHAINED the animal and built it an enclosure. OR the TWO dogs next door that I feed, water (even bought them a self water dish) and gave them a dog house because their owners don't even know they exist? AND last week I discovered they (my non-dogs) had ticks so I went to the SPCA free give away and doctored them AND got them flea collars........well all of that to say this. Saturday as I am limping around with a "slight" case of food poisoning (and by that I mean enough to make me feel HORRIBLE) I went to check the mail and saw two white guineas eating in my neighbors flower bed. There was a garage sale across the street and I asked it they belonged to anyone over there and of course the answer was no. I went and got George as our cat decided she was in for a HUGE buffet and we began to try and "corral" them. we got them into our back yard and George caught one and gave it to me as it proceeded to bite the crap out of me I THREW it into a dog kennel we had and locked the door. Well Petey was out side and he was going berserk so I am running around trying to get him all the while wishing I could vomit. Well the second one flew into the pool and with George screaming at me to "get it" I grabbed it, as it threw water all over me, bit me HARD and then shat (yes that is the correct verb) it shat all over me and I dropped it and my husband in his infinite wisdom said "why in the hell did you let it go?" I am considering an attorney at this point. Anyway, we caught it finally and delivered them (the smell in my Tahoe was terrible) to my brother and sister in laws' in Christoval who have guineas along with EVERYTHING else. So I asked George "we weren't the ONLY people who SAW these birds. What does everyone else do?" He said, "they look they other way or they just don't care." So, I am going to put one of those big red crosses on my roof since I seem to be the way station for EVERY animal in trouble within a one hundred mile radius. Good news is.........birds are happy......and so am I for saving them. They wouldn't have lasted the night.

WHAT HAPPENED??!

What happened? I mean seriously...what happened? Katie moved to ASU into a dorm, then to Lubbock into a dorm and then wanted to move into an apartment in August and NOT come home this summer. THEN no apartment, but a house and quite possibly A HOUSE BY HERSELF.......NO ROOMMATES...NO ONE BUT HER!!! And now NOT in August but IN JUNE!! What is happening??? So now we are looking at ANOTHER deposit, furniture AND her tuition and books for summer school and instead of having three months to get ready we have ONE!! Let me say again... What happened??? And then last night she informed me that she had found a person there that sells Mary Kay so she is going to buy some which has always been what I did for her with my person here. Don't get me wrong I don't want to buy her make-up but it just felt like ONE MORE THING!!! What happened? I'll tell you what I think...........she just GREW UP OVERNIGHT. Wants to be independent and live truly on her own... I am okay with that I guess but it is just SO SUDDEN. Makes me wonder what happened? Is that how it works for everyone? Did my mom wake up one day and say "what happened?" Does everyone?? I mean is that how it happens........I am truly overwhelmed..........a house AND make-up!!

Sergio

I believe that God made me a teacher. That is the talent that I have and I am not being arrogant when I say I am quite good at it. I give God the glory because I do it through Him giving me the ability. Contrary to popular belief, not EVERYONE or ANYONE can teach. But I digress.
I treat students the way I want to be treated and try to teach them history but more than that I try to teach them to be informed, responsible, and productive citizens upon their graduation or GED or whatever. They don't all finish but I STILL try to teach them how to survive and be an asset to their community as adults. To teach them to try to be all that they can.

Which brings me to Sergio. I got a letter today at school from the jail. It was from Sergio, a former student of mine. He is at least 22, maybe older. He was a hardcore gangster but I always loved him and saw his potential. He had a great personality and was smart. The letter started out with how I had always treated him with respect and had never judged him. He went on to say that I had made a difference in his life and that he knew I would be disappointed in him. He then proceeded to tell me he had been sentenced to five years and only had to serve 2 years and six months. But he had credit for five months served so it wouldn't be so bad. I am liking this letter up to this point. THEN he wrote that family and friends could write a "letter" that he would be okay on the "outside" and he might could get out earlier. And would I mind doing that? Okay..........with ALL OF THAT SAID...Sergio is in jail for TWO COUNTS of AGGRAVATED ASSAULT WITH A DEADLY WEAPON. Seriously???

So I AM writing a letter. But NOT to the parole board!! I am writing to Sergio to say that this isn't jaywalking or "whoops my bad I took some gum from Town and Country'. That this is a serious offense and regardless of the circumstance he has been found guilty by a jury of his peers. And I will reiterate what I do in class all the time...talk to him about life lessons, and choices and that he made a bad one for which he will have to pay. What was he thinking? Not only in committing this crime but in thinking that I would try to help him bypass the system. You win some...you lose some........he lost and evidently so did I in trying to reach this young man........the road keeps getting harder and harder it seems...........for all of us!!

Jumprope

I fancy myself a runner. I am a member of a running club. I participate in community runs monthly and my niece and I run twice a week 5 miles both days. I also fancy myself to be somewhat physically fit. I don't smoke (been quit 20 or more years) and I don't drink AT ALL. I am a lifetime member of weight watchers and though I do not weigh what I would like, I am not overweight. Well just a FEW pounds. So...yes.... I consider myself not only healthy but heart healthy and a small time athlete. Yes I do. Or should I say I DID??? Since I hurt myself and had to lay off running for two weeks I was surprised at how much my cardio had diminished . My niece plays in a tennis league twice a week so not to be "outdone" I decided to do something "else" also on the days we don't run. I am, after all, very competitive. I mean I am an athlete!! And I decided that I would jump rope. I remember telling Christi what an expert I was in jumping rope when I was in ELEMENTARY school. And how I could jump forever so it would be no biggie and it was good for you. First clue as to what I was getting myself into should have been when the ropes weren't located in "toys" but in "sporting goods". Add to that the fact that there were MANY kinds from which to choose. They even had one with weighted handles which I scooped right up. Did I mention my expertise at jumping the rope? And that I am an athlete? So I decide that I was going to START with thirty minutes. After all, I run for a little under an hour twice a week so seriously??? How hard can this be?? My niece (who wants to see me live to be older than I am currently) said you should just start at ten minutes. As you can see, she is skeptical of my athletic abilities. So, on Sunday I grabbed the rope and nonchalantly told my husband "I'm going to put some music on and jump rope in here for thirty minutes or so and then am going to take a shower." REALLY!! Just as casual as that!!! So I put on some pretty rhythmic music and started to jump. About THIRTY SECONDS LATER when I was FOR SURE I was having a minor cardio infarction (and yeah, its infarction not infraction, who knew?) I threw the rope down and went and got a drink of water. I thought to myself this cannot be right so I tried again. After ANOTHER thirty seconds or so, I went outside and had George feel my heart, which was not necessary, as you could SEE it POUNDING in my chest THROUGH MY SHIRT. What is going on? So I tried again (two more times with a break in between). When the whole horrible ordeal was over I figured all total I had jumped rope for about TWO MINUTES!! Well, I drug my athletic body to take a shower and then my shin splints, calves, thighs and glutes all began to ache, not to mention the headache that was starting to develop right behind my eyes!!!

So I have not jumped rope since. It lays there on the table mocking me. So, today I will run and BOOST my ego about my athletic abilities and TOMORROW I will face the rope and in time, grasshopper, I will MASTER THE ROPE. Who would have thought that jump roping was such a hardcore exercise? I know that boxers do it and now I know why. After doing it Sunday I FELT LIKE HITTING SOMEONE ALSO!!!

Does Anybody Stay In One Place Anymore?

I never had any desire EVER to NOT live in San Angelo. I think probably because I got married right out of high school (almost) and divorced right after that. (yeah bad judgement) But I also think it was because my mom was here and I wanted to be where she was. She was strict when we were growing up but we were still close. Sure I hated her like all teenage girls do (right?) but that was just part of growing up. I could depend on my mom. And my family also. We were small but close. So I never lived anywhere but here. Never really went anywhere and was perfectly happy. A large number of people I graduated with no longer live here either. They have for the most part stayed in Texas but a few have ventured out of state. As I look at kids that I taught years ago, most of them aren't here anymore either. They live in cities and in other states. And Katie has NO DESIRE to live in San Angelo. In fact, I think some of the appeal of going to Tech is that it wasn't IN San Angelo. She gets homesick but it is for her dad and I, not for San Angelo. So, I wonder.........what made them/makes them want to leave? Is it their jobs? Is it opportunity? More money? Military? Spouses? And while all of that makes sense to me what about their families? I guess I was just surprised that so many people from different generations left their "hometown". And many haven't been back. All of my brothers but one left as well. It will be weird not having Katie in the same town. But all of our other kids left also except for one. And none of them ever seem to miss being here. The more I write this the more I realize that no one stays in one place anymore. Except for me. Not sure how I feel about that........

FACEBOOK

Wow I have been on face book for almost two weeks now and have learned A LOT about people. And I don't mean that like it sounds. First, let me put a disclaimer...........I like face book... ALOT!!
I have reconnected with people that I went to high school with that I haven't talked to in literally 20 years or more. I have reconnected with former students who made my early teaching days the BEST of my career. And I have gotten to SHARE my family and the things I have done with people who used to be an every day part of my life. It is a good thing. HOWEVER, yes dear reader you knew this was coming, it is NOT a good thing for people who don't realize what it is and what it is for. For instance, there are people who post every single detail, emotion, and activity of their day...all day...every minute.........oh my gosh and then there are those who make "mystery" posts..........just a sigh or a smiley face or a sad face so that people will ask and ask and ask what is wrong. I mean clearly face book is a narcissists DREAM!!! And the enablers like it a lot too I imagine....And the whole friend request thing?? I have people who barely know me or barely knew me or didn't even LIKE me that now want to be friends with me! I know that "didn't even like me" sort of made you pause, right? trying to imagine that? but alas it is true. And once they ask to be your friend they have NO CONTACT with you whatsoever?? I have a "friend" on FB that I have known since elementary school and I have messaged her, chatted her and commented her and she has yet to respond ONE TIME. I believe that I am just part of her "how many friends can I have on face book quest". But all in all, the good outweighs the bad. It is those drama-filled, needy, insecure people that make it sort of a bummer and I have decided to delete them and I am pretty sure they won't even notice. But as I said, for the most part, it is cool and I am a little "addicted" but feel sure that will pass in time. And if I become an obsessed FB fan who bores you with EVERY piece of minutia of my life feel free to comment and tell me to "get a grip". And I will be grateful.................OR I will delete you :o)

What's the Deal with Young Women Today?

Man we just never grow up do we? And I think this applies to women more than men. It just seems like so many YOUNG women today and by that I mean late 20's, early to mid-30's, married WITH children are CONSUMED with drama. Everything that happens to them is the absolute WORST and they want to talk and talk and talk about it. And make sure everyone knows. I don't know that it is a sign of immaturity so much as perhaps flat out narcissism. It is all about ME!!! I have a sick child..poor ME! My husband lost his job...poor ME! I have too much to do (that I VOLUNTEERED for) poor ME!! It is this " look at me! look at me!"phenomenon that has me puzzled. Is that what my daughter is going to aspire to when she becomes a young wife and mother? I know that in high school you are SUPPOSED to think it is all about you. But as an adult with responsibilities? And most of their peers enable this by commiserating with them and encouraging their drama and offering their most profound sympathy so that when it is THEIR turn the "victim" will do the same for them. I just see such a different mindset in women today. I know of young women who think the definition of being a STRONG woman today means simply that she is a BITCH!! And let me tell you there is no strength in that. Today we are whiny, needy, insecure, individuals who want the world to know about EVERY DETAIL of our lives. Or we are hateful, demanding, and disloyal. I think of my mom, part of what history calls the "great generation" and her quiet strength and ability to stand up for her and her beliefs and her ability to stand quietly by and let someone make a fool of themselves instead of always having to be "right". I think of her refusing to "air her dirty laundry" and to keep "private" matters just that. I hope she instilled some of that in me. I am far from being the woman my mom is but as I age I see changes in me that are definitely for the better. But when I was a "young woman/mom/housewife" I was most certainly not what I see today. If for no other reason than my mom taught me better. I hope I passed that on to my daughter. And if not, I plan on starting. Perhaps I am just too old to have YOUNG friends?

Into the Wind at 53

Yesterday was my birthday. It was also Thursday which is the day we run. Earlier in the week, on our Tuesday run, I barely made it. Weather was beautiful, low humidity, NO wind. But I finished 4 minutes behind my niece when we usually finish within a minute of each other if that. When she passed me on the way back with a look of concern on her face I shrugged and shouted that I didn't know what my problem was or why I was so slow. By the time I made the turnaround and came back I felt like my legs weighed as much as Apollo Ono's (without the strength) and that I was having a pretty good asthma attack (and I don't have asthma!). That night I self-diagnosed myself with the onset of bronchitis. BUT I didn't want to go to the doctor because they would tell me (like they did last time) NO running for 7-10 days. WELL that is not a possibility as this Saturday is the last run in a SERIES of three. And if you run ALL THREE you receive the shirt that says you have completed the trail run. I have completed one that was in the rain (the entire race) and the other that went straight up the mountain out at the spillway and yes if you are running along with 60 or more people up a rocky incline that is only about 2 feet wide IT IS A MOUNTAIN!!! So there is NO WAY I am not going to FINISH and that is what a doctor's visit would amount to. Well I felt better the next day and not so bad Thursday. BUT, as we were running yesterday afternoon, I felt that old familiar leaden feeling settling in and breathing was a problem. NOT TO MENTION that yesterday the winds were out of the south (which is the direction we run for the first 2.5 miles) at TWENTY MILES an hour. I freaking hate the wind sick or well. But as I decided that I COULDN'T do the full run, I realized that I had turned 53 that day and being out on the road AT ALL was huge and that I needed to finish if for no other reason than it was my birthday. And the best gift I could give myself was to finish the course. And I did. Not as slow as the previous run but not as fast as normal either. Sort of in between. Which is where I feel like I am right now in my life. In between. Not old but certainly not young. And every day I feel as though I am pushing into the wind. But if I learned anything yesterday, it was that no matter how hard the wind of your life is blowing, if you just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and your eye on the finish line, you can do it. I did!!!

Odors of the Evening

When we were younger we were ALWAYS outside. No matter the time of day, we played. As we got older and were in junior high and high school we were still outside just not playing. Usually sitting in or on our parents cars (not everyone got a car when they got a drivers license) or on the front porch or sometimes out on the curb and just talking. Almost every day, every evening. And as we sat there we could smell the scent of supper in the air. If someone was frying chicken (yeah back then it was NEVER bought) or someone was grilling something, we would sit there and smell and would pretty much know what everyone in the area was eating that night. The aroma was heavenly and prevalent throughout the neighborhood since everyone had screen doors and central heating and air conditioning were unheard of (except for the very "rich"). To this day if I am outside at "evening" time, I will sniff the air and think, "they're barbecuing, or they are frying something, or on a cold day - they have their fireplace lit." It just makes me remember a time when life was simpler, doors were open, kids were outside playing, and mom's were in the kitchen cooking supper that we were all going to eat TOGETHER around the table as we talked about our day. Of course the neighborhoods are not full of evening aromas anymore like they used to be. People stay in their homes with their doors shut, they buy take out or don't eat at home, or mom cooks but everyone eats at different times. But when I catch a whiff of someones supper, it takes me back to those evenings, sitting outside, waiting to be called in to "wash your hands" and sit down to a meal that I had been smelling and anticipating all day. Mom's home cooked meals.....they were a staple of my childhood.....they were delicious........and I miss them.

TOP TEN PEOPLE "TYPES" THAT I PERSONALLY HAVE NO USE FOR

These aren't people who do these things occasionally because we are all probably guilty but these are the people who this is WHO THEY ARE ALL THE TIME!!! In order of most irritating with ten being the least and one being the worst. These are my top ten most irritating people:
10. "close talkers" - (the ones who get RIGHT in your face and no matter how much you back up they continue to lean in)
9. "screamers" aka "loud talkers" (and yes I tend to be loud sometimes but ones who have NO VOLUME control whatsoever)
8. "one-uppers" - no matter what you have done or has happened to you they have done it also or had it happen to them and always bigger or better (even if what has happened to you is bad)
7. "know it alls" - yep, no matter what the subject they know all about it or if it is a person they know them or worse are related (seven times removed)
6. "mature" people- not wise or aged but think they are mature because they have no sense of humor
5. "scaredy cats" - talk a big talk (in private) but won't stand up for others or even themselves
4. "whiners" - constant blather about how "it's not fair"/ "how come so and so doesn't have to/or gets to" (cry babies if you will)
3. "needy" - need to be constantly reassured about EVERYTHING from am I doing okay to are you okay to are we okay? (also known as could you please make me feel good about myself every day all the time)
2. "perfect parents of perfect children" - my child is NEVER wrong (even though they are called into the office EVERY DAY or SET FIRE to something)
AND THE NUMBER ONE "TYPE" THAT I HAVE NO USE FOR?
The one that read this and fits ONE or MORE of the first nine and WILL NOT SEE THEMSELVES!!!

Global Warming, Carbon Footprints, and Plastic

I am a litterbug!! Yes, I am!! Not constantly but sometimes I throw stuff out the window. Okay, I almost ALWAYS throw stuff out of my window. If I remember to get a trashbag at the carwash then I will use it but alas, with my dementia, that hardly ever happens. So, yeah, I throw it out. I mean, hey, my car is clean and I don't want that crap in it. Which leads me to the whole SAVE THE EARTH campaign. I think we are probably supposed to save the SOULS of the earth by telling them about Jesus Christ as their Lord and Saviour but I don't know about all that other. You see, I believe that God created the world in six days. I believe that. I also believe that God will destroy the earth in HIS time at the appointed hour. I believe this because the Bible tells me so. (I think they wrote a song with that exact line in it!) I DO NOT believe that God is in heaven ON HIS THRONE walking around with His head in His hands shouting "oh the plastic, the plastic!!" I do not believe He is frantic about smog or gas emissions nor do I believe that He is organizing the angels for a benefit concert to raise money to try to fix the a hole in our ozone!!! He created this earth and I believe that He will destroy it just like He said. I DO NOT believe that we, as mere humans, can interrupt His plan in any way shape form or fashion. Yes, litter is ugly (especially so in my car) and smog and air pollution is dangerous to breathe, and yeah the seasons they seem to be changing. BUT, if you read the Bible, HE told us this was going to happen. He told us these would be signs of the end times (not smog or litter but the earthquakes, tsunami's, and weird weather). In fact, the FACT that He doesn't even MENTION plastic or the ozone comforts me even more. I cringe when I hear someone say "we need to save Mother Earth". Really? The Earth is a mother? How do we know that? Was there DNA testing done? And when I go to the grocery store I want plastic bags and no I don't throw them out the window to snag the trees (that is just stupid, they have groceries in them). If you carry your groceries INTO your house how do those bags get outside anyway? I use them to carry my lunch to school where the bag goes into the trash and I stuff a bunch under my sink to put in my bathroom trash cans. HEY that's called RECYCLING!!! Pardon me while I run out and hug a tree!!! Besides, picking up trash gives the criminally inclined a job when they go to jail so I am also helping provide jobs and boosting the economy and I KNOW people are concerned about that!!! Just trying to do my part!!

32 Years Ago Today

I married the man of my dreams. Okay, he probably wasn't EXACTLY the man I had always dreamed of back then but he was close and today I love him even more and he is EXACTLY what I have always wanted and needed. We haven't always had an easy road to travel but we stayed the course and all these years later our journey together continues. NO ONE will ever love me like George does and he is the air I breathe.........I am blest!!!

89 Years Ago Today

A remarkable woman was born. My mom. She was raised to poor parents who worked as tenant farmers. They literally lived on the land (in tents) and ate the fruit of their labor. She and her siblings went to school part of the year but were pulled when the crops came in. Every extra hand was needed as they were paid by the crop they were able to harvest. Her father was a cowboy. The real life "gunsmoke/bonanza" type. No education but could break a horse and rope just about anything. A quiet stern man who believed that his wife should be obedient and that his children should be seen and not heard. Her mother never learned to read or write (having been born in 1900 in a time when women, especially poor ones, had "no need" for such nonsense). She had one brother and two sisters and they lived a simple life. They were very close (due to my grandmother) and even though life was hard, there was love aplenty. My mom never went to school past the 8th grade. She married a dashing young Italian soldier and moved to New York to live with his family and give him four children. They lived the "typical" (as seen in the movies) Italian life, complete with a family compound, controlling matriarch and a husband who had a constant mistress. Ultimately she gathered her strength and as a single mom (back when divorce was RARE) with no education and very little money she came home to Texas and never looked back. She worked double shifts as a waitress and ultimately learned to drive. She raised four kids in a two bedroom/one bath home. In the early years the going was hard and they were poor. So poor that a neighbor offered to adopt her only little girl so that it would ease the financial burden. (not to mention the fact that the child was "adorable") And by the way, she kept the child!!! She eventually got on at General Telephone and worked her way to a middle class job. By that time her older kids were grown and her younger ones were in high school. In time, the house got paid for and she bought herself a new car (first one in her life) and started "fixing" up the house. We were in high cotton (which a tenant farmer knows means good crop and $$$$) She ultimately retired from that company with many friends. Her kids all "made good" and she is proud of them. She is still as sharp as a tack but her body has failed her through crippling osteoporosis and osteoarthritis. She placed HERSELF in a nursing home and is loved by the clients and the staff. She checks on and takes care of what she calls "the little old people" where she lives. She has a strong faith and throughout our growing up I NEVER knew we were poor. I knew we didn't have as much as other kids but it never felt bad to me. Most of her immediate family and close friends are gone. Yet she loves life and cherishes each day. EVERYTHING about me that is good, decent, kind and fair, came from my mom. She taught me so much and continues to do so even now. I respect her. I admire her. AND I love her VERY MUCH. Happy Birthday Mom............you are amazing!!!

My Favorite Things

Oprah has a show she does yearly (and no I don't watch her) called "My Favorite Things" and usually the audience gets some of her "favorite" things FREE. Her favorites are usually expensive and not practical. And I guess if you are a bizzillionaire, then your favorite things are not the same as those of the "simple" folks. Lately I have been thinking about my favorite things and while these aren't ALL of them and don't include the obvious like family and friends, here are a few:

1) my Ugg boots (even though I have had them a year, they are still in great shape and I would wear them EVERY day INCLUDING summer. They are so warm and so soft and you don't have to wear socks with them and there is something in their design that keep your feet from sweating so no smell. I love them!!!

2) my IPod (it is VERY old and doesn't always work like it is supposed to but I couldn't run without it)

3) running (yeah it is a favorite thing. makes me feel good physically and emotionally and it hopefully will keep me healthy)

4) animals ( I am, after all, the CEO of the Shelton Family Memorial Clinic/Animal Hospital/Humane Society)

5) my snuggie (wish I had invented it........just a piece of fleece with arms, who would have thought?)

6) a good novel (and I have read several in the last three months)

7) feeding the birds (don't ask me why but I can sit on the porch and watch them at the feeder for hours)

8) hunting (and by this I mean sitting in the blind, drinking a sonic diet coke, eating snacks, reading my book, and watching nature all around me)

9) my Ov-Glove (as seen on TV! and to pronouce it make it rhyme) I got it for Christmas and you can wear it on either hand and it is the coolest pot holder type thing EVER!!! and it is cute

10) flannel!!! (nuff said)

SPRING FEVER WITH A WIND CHILL OF 22?

I am sitting here wearing leggings under my skirt, with my little electric heater blowing on my feet, and a sweater on and I have spring fever. Not a desire for warmer weather but that "I don't want to be at work" sort of fever. And not the "I don't like my job" thing either. You know that feeling that comes with spring? Where you just feel different. You want to be at home. You just want to be outside, or you want to work in the yard, or clean the garage or wash the windows or whatever you do to signal a new season. And spring seems to be the season we always RENEW ourselves. So for some weird reason I am having my spring renewal season right now today. And it is too cold to do any thing about it. I always saw the new year as just another year older and the passing of more time. Maybe because I am older I feel differently. I can't explain the feeling but I am anxious and excited for the new year and what it will bring. Perhaps it will bring an early spring?

RESOLVED!!

Resolutions. I am of the opinion that people don't really know what they are and what they mean. I think the reason they are hard to keep is because we make unrealistic ones to begin with. I think that resolutions are something that should be an ongoing process and not just something that we start every January 1. I believe that we "resolve" to do things throughout the year, we just don't make a big deal and call it a resolution. And we don't ever think about that goal or issue that we have accomplished and say to ourselves "RESOLVED!!". Camelot is one of my all-time favorite movies. One of the things I love best is that throughout the movie King Arthur is searching for ways to make life better. He is a thinker, a ponderer. And after much thought (and song) he comes up with a solution. He then restates the problem and gleefully shouts "resolved." As I look back on 2009, I realize that many things in my life were "resolved." Things I didn't realize until I began thinking and pondering it. And when I did realize it and began to click them off one by one as being resolved, I felt like Arthur...excited and pleased. So this year dear reader I would encourage you to think back every evening on the day completed and see what you "resolved" that day. And if you must make a list make them realistic. And instead of trying to make a YEAR'S worth, just start with today. As for me............today I plan on

1) updating my blog (resolved)

2) do my job to the best of my ability (partially resolved, 4 classes to go)

3) not curse (partially resolved see above)

4) be positive (again partial)

5) pray (will be resolved when I pillow my head tonight)

6) be thankful (resolved)

7) be healthy (resolved if I can get through lunch with my friends)

8) be a good wife (duh...........sooooooooo resolved)

9) be a good mother (see above)

Not bad to have nine resolutions almost complete and that is just for one day. Which brings me to my last resolution

10) take ONE day at a time (resolved)

It Doesn't Get Any Easier...Why Is That?

Today started out as any other normal Sunday. Church, Sunday School, out to eat. Came home and helped Katie pack and loaded her car. As I hugged her in her room I was overcome with emotion. Like seriously!!! Katie has been on the road back "home" to Lubbock for about an hour and I have FINALLY gotten myself together enough to talk about it. Her daddy of course is snoring happily away on the couch and has been since before she reached the city limit sign. What is it about men? (whole other blog) Anyway, she came late and left early because she has to work or wanted to or volunteered or whatever. She is going back to work and while I am proud of her work ethic and the fact that full time work right now fills her coffers and therefore mine as well, I hate that everyone else's child is still here and mine is on the road and going back to a rather large EMPTY dorm and equally empty dorm rooms as no one else has to or will be back until this coming weekend. I am so proud of her. Have I said that? I am. I really really am. AND we had such a good visit. But I think that is part of the problem. Her trips "home" are starting to become just that...........a visit. For her, "home" is Lubbock and while that was our intended goal and yeah we have done our job and should be proud and blah blah blah.....it still makes me sad. And every time she leaves here she takes another piece of herself with her. And yeah that is how it SHOULD BE..........I GET IT!!! So why does it sometime break my heart? I cried (a lot) this time because I couldn't and can't stand the thought of her being up there "all alone." She will be fine but I hated to see her go. She has been out from under my roof since August of 2008 and out of San Angelo since August of 2009 so what is my problem? I don't know and don't care. I just know that the next time I walk out of the room at Regency House after visiting with MY mom... I will wonder if she sometimes feel that bittersweet ache in her heart. That mixture of pride and loss all wrapped up in this incredible package of love and happiness? I have no way of knowing but I know this, next time I go "visit" my mom...I will stay longer and hold her a little tighter. And hopefully, for her, it will feel like home.