What's the Deal with Young Women Today?

Man we just never grow up do we? And I think this applies to women more than men. It just seems like so many YOUNG women today and by that I mean late 20's, early to mid-30's, married WITH children are CONSUMED with drama. Everything that happens to them is the absolute WORST and they want to talk and talk and talk about it. And make sure everyone knows. I don't know that it is a sign of immaturity so much as perhaps flat out narcissism. It is all about ME!!! I have a sick child..poor ME! My husband lost his job...poor ME! I have too much to do (that I VOLUNTEERED for) poor ME!! It is this " look at me! look at me!"phenomenon that has me puzzled. Is that what my daughter is going to aspire to when she becomes a young wife and mother? I know that in high school you are SUPPOSED to think it is all about you. But as an adult with responsibilities? And most of their peers enable this by commiserating with them and encouraging their drama and offering their most profound sympathy so that when it is THEIR turn the "victim" will do the same for them. I just see such a different mindset in women today. I know of young women who think the definition of being a STRONG woman today means simply that she is a BITCH!! And let me tell you there is no strength in that. Today we are whiny, needy, insecure, individuals who want the world to know about EVERY DETAIL of our lives. Or we are hateful, demanding, and disloyal. I think of my mom, part of what history calls the "great generation" and her quiet strength and ability to stand up for her and her beliefs and her ability to stand quietly by and let someone make a fool of themselves instead of always having to be "right". I think of her refusing to "air her dirty laundry" and to keep "private" matters just that. I hope she instilled some of that in me. I am far from being the woman my mom is but as I age I see changes in me that are definitely for the better. But when I was a "young woman/mom/housewife" I was most certainly not what I see today. If for no other reason than my mom taught me better. I hope I passed that on to my daughter. And if not, I plan on starting. Perhaps I am just too old to have YOUNG friends?

Stuck In Junior High

As things change the more they remain the same. The Bible says there is nothing new under the sun and truer words were never written. Whatever the circumstances with my friends, in whatever setting, we still have those with that junior high mentality. From people in charge all the way down......it is just drama drama drama. It doesn't help that the people I am working for and most of whom I am working with are 30 or UNDER!!! Are you freaking kidding me? And they CANNOT understand why there is backstabbing, gossip, rumor and innuendo. Well...duh. Welcome to junior high. They are constantly taking sides, pouting, getting their feelings hurt and doing absolutely NOTHING based on professionalism because they are too young to know what that is. They "knee-jerk" react to EVERYTHING and then if they realize that was a bad move they resort to the teen-age response of well "it's not my fault." AARRGGHH!! I have a young lady that I really care about and considered a friend who is no longer speaking to me because SHE supposedly used me and another colleagues name in something and she was questioned about it. No one was mad. Just saying "hey did you do this?" Which by the way I was giving her the benefit of the doubt the ENTIRE TIME!!! So when confronted........she gets mad and not at the person who said this about her but at ME!!! She has not spoken to me since. And that doesn't seem normal behavior for someone who is INNOCENT??? I even tried several times to contact her and assure her that all was well........and guess what? No response.........NONE, ZILCH, NADA!!! She is not speaking to me because??????? And then of course my boss who is about as infantile an individual as I have EVER had the misfortune to be around........words fail me. He did a BAD thing and I reacted accordingly and as of today he has not spoken a word to me for SEVEN weeks. Not that I mind. I do not have time for people that I truly believe are not nice but he IS the boss!! Isn't he supposed to talk to me? And NO, I don't mean as a friend but just in general? I know this........junior high is WAY behind me..........in fact, I can barely remember it!! But for some reason I am being forced to revisit it. EVERY DAY!!!! And of course.........being surrounded by "pre-teens" my sarcasm is so lost on them!!! Wish in junior high I had been as sharp and witty as I am now. But then, alas, they wouldn't have gotten it then either. The drama continues........I know the Lord has me in this specific place at this specific time in my life for a reason. I know nothing happens by accident. But YIKES!! I don't have a reputation for being all nice and sweet and stuff. SHOCKING!! But when I TRY TO it just makes things worse. Whatever.........if I am going to be forever stuck in junior high then I want that body back!!! Because if you think I am hot now.................well..........never mind!!!

He's Not So "Great" After all

His dad is a doctor. His mom was a "stay at home" mom when he was little and now works for the dad, I think. The sister is in all sort of theatrical productions and sings. He along with others in the family play one or more musical instruments. They attend church. Not all the time but enough to be known there as members. They all play tennis and even do so as a family. They eat NOTHING that is fried, and the mom doesn't even know HOW to make gravy. They eat fruit salad without sugar, fruit dip, OR cool whip. They have a garden and a swimming pool along with a pool house. They drink wine and allow their kids to and they know which color goes with what meat. They eat a lot of fish and usually it is shrimp or lobster cooked outside by daddy in a "kiss the cook" apron. They take "family" vacations several times a year and one of them is almost always a cruise. Everyone speaks in a calm and reasonable manner ALL THE TIME. Money is not an issue of any kind. He got a scholarship to play tennis at a Division I school. The sister will probably have her way paid to a performing arts school in New York. Both he and the sister have "accounts" that were started by their grandparents and are now "handled" by them with help from dad as to what stock is the highest performing. They will be quasi-millionaires by the time they are in their early thirties. (or so they say) He and his sister's "work experience" has consisted of him being the tennis pro summers only for the country club. Sister, house sitting for rich neighbors and friends at $100 a pop. They have had everything handed to them. They have never had to work for anything or know the experience of having their parents say no. And not just no..... but no because "we can't afford it." They haven't had to make sacrifices or do without. As such, they have no empathy or understanding of people whose lives are very different from theirs. In fact, the boy is a SNOB. He cannot understand why someone would "worry" about money. His parents are no better. They said he was the "most decent guy his girlfriend had ever dated." They also insinuated that she realized this and that is why she loved him because he was such a "catch." I have heard them described by said girlfriend as a "television family."

She comes from a family where dad has no formal education but has worked hard his whole life and owns his own business. A business that he runs himself out of the house with an occasional helper if he is lucky enough to find one. Her mom, stayed home for a while to help raise his children from another marriage. Five people in a two bedroom apartment. Then her dad put the mom through school to help her get a job that would better their lives. It was hard but they managed. Money has always been an issue. Her brothers played football, and she was a cheerleader. There is musical talent in the family but mostly consists of singing in church. And yes, they are in church every time the doors are open. They try to be active and involved. They fight and argue and usually in LOUD voices. But there is no doubt that each and every one in the house is loved and loved a lot. One son attended college for a time and paid his own way. Another brother went and graduated and it was paid for by her parents. She is now in her second year of school, attending the same Division I school and her parents are paying for that as well. From the time they were 16 all the kids had a job after school. Not glamorous work but everything from plumbing, roofing, grocery stocker/bagger, sales person in the mall to a feed store. They worked 15-20 hours a week AND that included nights while going to school and being involved in extracurricular activities. Not to mention working full time in the summer. There were no family vacations because dad couldn't leave the work for longer than a three day week-end. They watched TV as a family and ate southern cooking that was almost always fried and gravy was considered a staple. No drinking by parents or kids.........at least while still living at home. Grandparents were salt of the earth people who grew up working the land and had no inheritance to pass on. No annuities, no stocks, no savings accounts. Just lots of love, a good work ethic, and gratefulness for what they did have. Her family swam at the lake and later on in a little plastic pool in the backyard and finally an above ground pool that is still standing these 10 or more years later. Not a television family but a real one. Lots of love and respect for each other and themselves. A foundation of faith, family, and friends. Regardless of what his parents say the girl has dated several NICE boys. So, if I had to pick a "worthy" girlfriend for this young man I would choose HER. She knows what it means to have to work for what you have. As such, she is responsible and financially sound. She can handle disappointment because it is part of life and growing up, she has experienced LIFE a LOT. She knows the value of a dollar. She knows what it means to work and work hard. She has experienced the sense of accomplishment and pride that comes when the things you have in life are EARNED. She appreciates what she has because she knows it came at a price. Yet she mourns his loss and feels like she won't find anyone "as great" as he is. I want to tell her that television families aren't real. That the "decent" person in all of this is her. Not that he is a bad guy, he is just spoiled, arrogant, and has no clue what the REAL world is all about. That if I were HIS parents I would tell him that she is every bit as good or as "decent" or as "good a catch" as they (and he)thinks he is. I would tell him that his immaturity and selfishness have quite possibly cost him the company of an amazing young lady. And that she loved him (as much as you can at that age) not for what he HAD but for who she thought (and sadly still thinks) he was....a great guy. I want to make her understand that greatness and courage come from LIVING life and all that goes with it good AND bad. It does not come from a life simply existed!!! It does not come from having everything handed to you. It does not come from a "charmed" life and a smug attitude for those whose lives have been different. I want her to know that he's not so great after all!!

"When people show you who they are

believe them." This is a quote from the famous poet Maya Angelou. I heard her say this YEARS ago, I believe on Oprah (yeah back when I watched her like 20 years ago). Ms. Angelou had been "discovered" by Oprah as this brilliant African American poet whom, unbeknownst to Oprah, had been around a LONG while and everyone BUT Oprah knew of her. I digress. Anyway, Angelou had said that the key to "getting along" in life without so many disappointments and betrayals and the key to having good healthy relationships with others was to believe people when they show you who they are. But, instead, for whatever reason, we tend to excuse bad behavior or disappointment in the people we care about and attach all kinds of excuses to their behavior. Okay, I am not talking about a one time blow up or freak out or something "out of the ordinary." Lord knows we have all been there, done that. But I am talking about when people do hateful, sneaky, manipulative, cheating, scheming, lying, underhanded (the list goes on and on) things. Or people who attack you or lash out at you every time you have an opinion different from theirs, or try to "punish" you for your feelings. And yeah, I can name at least THREE people close to me who come to mind IMMEDIATELY. What does that say about my ability to judge character? AT some point, you have to just say, "okay, so you are NOT a nice person." Or, "okay, you and I ARE NOT on the same page when it comes to how we are going to live our lives" or "we do NOT have the same values when it comes to friendship, honesty, integrity, and professionalism" and move on. Two years ago, I gave someone the benefit of the doubt even though they just kept "showing me" who they were. This week, they LEFT NO DOUBT!!! They are NOT a NICE PERSON. They are likable enough. Even friendly and occasionally humorous but they CANNOT BE TRUSTED TO DO THE RIGHT THING. And if they are that way with others they will MOST CERTAINLY be that way with me. In fact, they have been that way with me and I have "excused" it out of wanting to "give the benefit of the doubt." How stupid is that? If they keep on doing the same things to you and the people you care about then WAKE UP.........this is WHO THEY ARE!!!!!!! This person is someone whom I will see often but it doesn't mean that I have to let myself be sucked in anymore. It is time for me to BELIEVE, no matter how disappointing, WHO THEY ARE!!! I guess the redneck version of Ms. Angelou's quote is "actions speak louder than words." But yet we tend to go with the words that people say. Maybe because it is easier. Maybe because we don't want to truly see people for who and what they are. It just seems that this summer has been a series of disappointments for me when it comes to relationships (both male and female). And now school is starting soon and I have to face it head on. I am not looking forward to it. I am angry and sad. And not so much at the people who have "shown themselves" to me, but at myself for NOT BELIEVING that is who they are. For constantly making excuses for bad behavior when I have NO DOUBT that when I behave badly, they are NOT making excuses for me. I hope that I don't behave badly often enough that excuses have to be made. I hope that when I "act up" or hurt or disappoint someone that is that "rare occasion" where there is something else going on and that it is NOT who I am. I have always said what I thought the MINUTE I thought it. (and it hasn't always worked to my advantage or been a good thing I might add) But I am trying to do and be better. To temper my feelings and opinions so as NOT to hurt people. But at least with my friends and I guess even my enemies, you KNOW WHO I AM. Wish it were that way with everyone. Be a lot less disappointment I think. So remember, in EACH and EVERY relationship, "when people show you who they are, believe them." I intend to.