It Doesn't Get Any Easier...Why Is That?

Today started out as any other normal Sunday. Church, Sunday School, out to eat. Came home and helped Katie pack and loaded her car. As I hugged her in her room I was overcome with emotion. Like seriously!!! Katie has been on the road back "home" to Lubbock for about an hour and I have FINALLY gotten myself together enough to talk about it. Her daddy of course is snoring happily away on the couch and has been since before she reached the city limit sign. What is it about men? (whole other blog) Anyway, she came late and left early because she has to work or wanted to or volunteered or whatever. She is going back to work and while I am proud of her work ethic and the fact that full time work right now fills her coffers and therefore mine as well, I hate that everyone else's child is still here and mine is on the road and going back to a rather large EMPTY dorm and equally empty dorm rooms as no one else has to or will be back until this coming weekend. I am so proud of her. Have I said that? I am. I really really am. AND we had such a good visit. But I think that is part of the problem. Her trips "home" are starting to become just that...........a visit. For her, "home" is Lubbock and while that was our intended goal and yeah we have done our job and should be proud and blah blah blah.....it still makes me sad. And every time she leaves here she takes another piece of herself with her. And yeah that is how it SHOULD BE..........I GET IT!!! So why does it sometime break my heart? I cried (a lot) this time because I couldn't and can't stand the thought of her being up there "all alone." She will be fine but I hated to see her go. She has been out from under my roof since August of 2008 and out of San Angelo since August of 2009 so what is my problem? I don't know and don't care. I just know that the next time I walk out of the room at Regency House after visiting with MY mom... I will wonder if she sometimes feel that bittersweet ache in her heart. That mixture of pride and loss all wrapped up in this incredible package of love and happiness? I have no way of knowing but I know this, next time I go "visit" my mom...I will stay longer and hold her a little tighter. And hopefully, for her, it will feel like home.