89 Years Ago Today

A remarkable woman was born. My mom. She was raised to poor parents who worked as tenant farmers. They literally lived on the land (in tents) and ate the fruit of their labor. She and her siblings went to school part of the year but were pulled when the crops came in. Every extra hand was needed as they were paid by the crop they were able to harvest. Her father was a cowboy. The real life "gunsmoke/bonanza" type. No education but could break a horse and rope just about anything. A quiet stern man who believed that his wife should be obedient and that his children should be seen and not heard. Her mother never learned to read or write (having been born in 1900 in a time when women, especially poor ones, had "no need" for such nonsense). She had one brother and two sisters and they lived a simple life. They were very close (due to my grandmother) and even though life was hard, there was love aplenty. My mom never went to school past the 8th grade. She married a dashing young Italian soldier and moved to New York to live with his family and give him four children. They lived the "typical" (as seen in the movies) Italian life, complete with a family compound, controlling matriarch and a husband who had a constant mistress. Ultimately she gathered her strength and as a single mom (back when divorce was RARE) with no education and very little money she came home to Texas and never looked back. She worked double shifts as a waitress and ultimately learned to drive. She raised four kids in a two bedroom/one bath home. In the early years the going was hard and they were poor. So poor that a neighbor offered to adopt her only little girl so that it would ease the financial burden. (not to mention the fact that the child was "adorable") And by the way, she kept the child!!! She eventually got on at General Telephone and worked her way to a middle class job. By that time her older kids were grown and her younger ones were in high school. In time, the house got paid for and she bought herself a new car (first one in her life) and started "fixing" up the house. We were in high cotton (which a tenant farmer knows means good crop and $$$$) She ultimately retired from that company with many friends. Her kids all "made good" and she is proud of them. She is still as sharp as a tack but her body has failed her through crippling osteoporosis and osteoarthritis. She placed HERSELF in a nursing home and is loved by the clients and the staff. She checks on and takes care of what she calls "the little old people" where she lives. She has a strong faith and throughout our growing up I NEVER knew we were poor. I knew we didn't have as much as other kids but it never felt bad to me. Most of her immediate family and close friends are gone. Yet she loves life and cherishes each day. EVERYTHING about me that is good, decent, kind and fair, came from my mom. She taught me so much and continues to do so even now. I respect her. I admire her. AND I love her VERY MUCH. Happy Birthday Mom............you are amazing!!!

It Doesn't Get Any Easier...Why Is That?

Today started out as any other normal Sunday. Church, Sunday School, out to eat. Came home and helped Katie pack and loaded her car. As I hugged her in her room I was overcome with emotion. Like seriously!!! Katie has been on the road back "home" to Lubbock for about an hour and I have FINALLY gotten myself together enough to talk about it. Her daddy of course is snoring happily away on the couch and has been since before she reached the city limit sign. What is it about men? (whole other blog) Anyway, she came late and left early because she has to work or wanted to or volunteered or whatever. She is going back to work and while I am proud of her work ethic and the fact that full time work right now fills her coffers and therefore mine as well, I hate that everyone else's child is still here and mine is on the road and going back to a rather large EMPTY dorm and equally empty dorm rooms as no one else has to or will be back until this coming weekend. I am so proud of her. Have I said that? I am. I really really am. AND we had such a good visit. But I think that is part of the problem. Her trips "home" are starting to become just that...........a visit. For her, "home" is Lubbock and while that was our intended goal and yeah we have done our job and should be proud and blah blah blah.....it still makes me sad. And every time she leaves here she takes another piece of herself with her. And yeah that is how it SHOULD BE..........I GET IT!!! So why does it sometime break my heart? I cried (a lot) this time because I couldn't and can't stand the thought of her being up there "all alone." She will be fine but I hated to see her go. She has been out from under my roof since August of 2008 and out of San Angelo since August of 2009 so what is my problem? I don't know and don't care. I just know that the next time I walk out of the room at Regency House after visiting with MY mom... I will wonder if she sometimes feel that bittersweet ache in her heart. That mixture of pride and loss all wrapped up in this incredible package of love and happiness? I have no way of knowing but I know this, next time I go "visit" my mom...I will stay longer and hold her a little tighter. And hopefully, for her, it will feel like home.

Mom? I have something I need to tell you.....

Okay, thus started the phone call from my 19 year old daughter away at school yesterday. This was followed by "and I don't want you to be mad at me." To be followed by "I really felt like I needed to call you before I did it, but it was 10:30 and I figured you were in my bed and MY ROOMMATES said you wouldn't care!" As I swallowed my heart thinking she had either gotten married, or a tattoo of a big anchor right across her chest, I calmly said, what did you do? She continued with the don't be mad at me mantra and the "this is something I have wanted to do for a long time" excuse while my mind is rushing around every possible scenario and none of them are good. Something she has always wanted to do? Be Britney Spears? OH MY GOD SHE HAS SHAVED HER HEAD AND QUIT WEARING UNDERWEAR??? Finally I not so calmly said WHAT HAVE YOU DONE??? In a quiet voice, came the reply "I pierced my belly button." Oh joy!! Happy Day!! Of all the things it could have been this was it??? I was so relieved. So then I had to hear the entire story and of course she had to confirm and reconfirm the sanitary conditions and follow up care and the promise that she wouldn't let it get infected. And the good thing is.........it's not permanent. I had her tell her daddy who immediately started with the no nose, no lip, no eye, no tongue and no nipple rule. Yeah, he actually said no nipple!! I love that man!!! She assured us she would never and that TATTOOS were out of the question so I am good with that. After all, I keep reminding myself (daily) she is 19 and almost in her 3rd year of college. And she is a good kid. My only concern is that the night she did this I had talked to her earlier around 9 and she had complained that she was bored. School is out and all of her friends will be coming home in the next few days. She, however, is staying until the 22nd so she can work. If she gets lonely or bored then, what should I expect? There had better be no ANCHORS(or sailors for that matter) in her future!!!

Bouncing Blonde Ponytail

I run with my niece every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon. We often run in charity runs on Saturdays as well. She and I were never close as she was growing up. She was born as I was in my last year of junior high and about to embark on my high school journey. I didn't babysit her much and when I did it consisted of her being in bed asleep when I got there and not waking up when I left. My brother wasn't one to let us hold, kiss, coo, or mush on her much if at all. In fact, she hardly ever was held by any of us and rarely stayed with my mom. So when I say we were never close, we really weren't. In fact, there is only one out of five of us that she is close to and they are so close that it is almost like it compensates for all the rest of us. I have always loved her and cared about what happened to her but I haven't really known her at all. Until now. I watch her run as she is always ahead of me and I see that lean body with that easy stride and that bouncing blonde ponytail. In fact, as I run I strain to make sure that I keep it in sight. Not just for safety but because it makes me smile. That bouncing blonde ponytail. The image of a young girl, carefree, running down the trail. We have been running together for almost a year now AND I have gotten to REALLY know her. Not from what she says so much but from how she says it. I feel close to her. I hope she feels the same about me. I know that for an hour every Tuesday and Thursday the most important sight for me.......the one that encourages me to keep moving...........the one that lifts my heart and brightens my spirit......is NOT all the beauty that we encounter down in the park and along the trail. It is that bouncing blonde ponytail!!!

Family Weekend

We got to see Katie for the first time in SIX WEEKS!! We went up for the day to see her and go to the game. Her dad was so sweet. He went to Academy on Friday and bought a button down Texas Tech shirt to wear just for the day. He has Tech t-shirts but wanted to "look nice." Now I remember why I married him. He is a softie underneath that "caveman" exterior. She was thrilled to see us and we did all the touristy stuff and then on to the game where it proceeded to RAIN and we were all three UNDER dressed. It only got up to 58 and we took our hoodies and George's jacke off for these pictures. And of course NO UMBRELLAS!! I left mine in the car because I actually BELIEVED the weather man. WHAT?? Thank goodness for those hoodies and George's zip-in hood in his jacket. But it couldn't dampen our spirits. That would come later, AFTER the game. Anyway, they won!!! After going back to her room for her to change and us to "dry" a little, Katie took us back to our car and we were going to stop and grab a quick bite before we came home and of course the Shelton Family curse kicked in. That is just poetic license for saying "the new wore off", "or we weren't quite so glad to see each other anymore" or "what the heck?" She got frustrated because of the road construction, I tried to help (BIG MISTAKE) so she got sassy with me, I got motherly right back and George began to yell at both of us. NICE!! Just like at home!!! By the time we got to where we were going to eat, NO ONE WAS SPEAKING TO EACH OTHER!!! Sigh... just another day in the life of... Seriously it all worked out and we ended on a high note and got on the road home. Except for that little 30-45 minute interval it was GREAT!!! We are just so REAL people (see previous blog). The "television family" were there and I am sure they were dressed appropriately and had rain gear. (not bitter, just saying) Anyway, it was neat to see her in her new environment and how well she is handling everything. It was a good day and I am so proud of her!!

It Happened So Fast!!

After four days of class and two days of work, I have discovered that Katie will never truly be home again. To visit, yes, to live....no. Just like that. Gone two weeks and BAM......she's really gone. I am quite without words (truly) and rather taken aback. I mean, it happened so fast. She called me Tuesday to say that her job wanted her to work in between semesters when I just assumed she would be home for a month. Of course, it is a REAL job and I guess they wouldn't let their employees, especially part-time ones have a 4 week vacation after being on the job three months. Sounds rather unreasonable to me. Don't they know that her momma had plans for those weeks? BUT, she is getting to be home for Christmas and New Years (which New Years' eve is her daddy's birthday). I should be grateful right? Yeah, well not so much. She then informs me that they will also be expecting her to work through the summer and that she doesn't want to lose this job so she will have to figure out where she is going to live and how that is all going to work out. Did I say that she had only been TWO DAYS ON THE JOB and FOUR DAYS IN COLLEGE????? MY plan was that she would be here ALL SUMMER and live at home and take classes at ASU? Well that wasn't going to work either evidently. Because she THEN informs me that in order to minor in Spanish and really really learn the language, she needs to STUDY ABROAD this summer, which will involve her GOING TO SPAIN FOR THREE WEEKS. And get this, her JOB will work around that because it is part of her education. Evidently they don't work around MOMS!!! Bitter, party of one please! Well when I get over the fact that she actually said SPAIN, I inform her that I can't afford to freaking send her across the ocean. Her response? She has already checked into it. It is quite affordable (and sad to say, she's right, it is). So......she didn't just leave the nest. In two weeks, she has ripped it out of the tree, scattered it to the wind, chopped the tree down and used it for firewood. I know that this is what I raised her for and I should be proud but it happened TOO fast. All I heard in ALL OF THIS NEWS she so excitedly called to tell me is that she is not coming home. She'll come for visits but she won't be BACK here like I had anticipated ever or at least anytime soon. I am proud of her........ she is growing up, making decisions, and mapping out her life all on her own. She is reconnecting with her faith and making good friends and wise choices. She is doing everything right (so far) and I love her more than ever. She is going to be just fine, but as for her daddy and I......it's a crapshoot. I sit her tonight, loving and missing her, yet being so proud. And through it all, since the phone call, the one constant that my mind keeps coming back to is........it happened so fast.

Empty Nest Part Two

When Katie moved into the dorm at ASU this time last year, her daddy and I (her daddy especially) mourned her leaving pretty heavy. And for the first two weeks she was gone she didn't come home (hello?we live right across town) or call AT ALL. It was very hard. But as time progressed she started coming around more. Granted it was for free meals and laundry but still. During her year "away" from home she blossomed and grew into an independent and responsible young adult. Did well in school, worked, and PAID her way. Didn't ask us for money and took care of business. So this past weekend when we moved her to Texas Tech, we all felt that she was ready and so were we. WRONG!!! I noticed that the last four days here she stayed home EVERY night and just hung out with her father and I. Okay, she hasn't CHOSEN to hang out with us since she was 16. When we got up AT FIVE Sunday morning to head to Lubbock, we were all on board and things were fine except for the baggy eyes and stifled yawns. When we got to the dorm, her dad and I MOVED her in while she stayed in the room doing I don't know what. I remember thinking, "we are paying her tuition AND we have to haul all her crap?" And from the parking lot to her second story dorm room was at least 200 yards. By the fourth trip, I thought George was going into minor cardio arrythmia and I was on my 2nd or 3rd mini-stroke. We had a little "drama" ONCE when her daddy got on to her for her bad/demanding attitude. (Imagine that) So, at that point she quit speaking to him. And of course there are other roommates with their parents who are trying to move in as we have a domestic squabble in her room. It was delightful. After about 2 1/2 hours, she was, for the most part, moved in and we went to eat lunch. She took us to Spanky's and we all just sort of sat and enjoyed a good hamburger and a nice view. We sat by the window upstairs. THEN it was time to take her "home" (that just doesn't sound right to me), say goodbye and get on the road. We were all fine. Seriously. When I got out of the car to hug her and tell her goodbye.........I completely fell apart. It was like a death wail. I was so horrified but the tears kept flowing and the sobs kept coming. In fact, when a mom walked by and saw me hugging Katie and crying..SHE started crying so I pretty much contributed to her falling apart. And of course, George started to cry and then Katie teared up. It was AWFUL!!! She looked so small walking back to that dorm by herself. She is ill and hadn't gotten her meds yet and she didn't have a job and it was just so BIG and uncertain. I drove us out and was sobbing so that I took us home through Post instead of Lamesa. I sobbed for about 15 minutes, cried for another 15 or twenty, and then whimpered occasionally all the way home. BUT two days later she had her meds and started taking them AND SHE GOT A JOB. NOT JUST ANY JOB BUT A "CUSHY" ONE!!! In a law firm (not bad for a pre-law student) working 4 afternoons a week, off at five, no nights or weekends. Perfect for her health AND her schedule. God is so good to us. And she calls us every day, sometimes more than ONCE and emails and texts her momma regularly. So I think of all the emotions as she has left us TWICE, I now think of all the opportunities that lay ahead for her. And though I am torn between missing her and being so proud for her, I say to myself, fly high little bird, spread your wings and soar, and if you need it, the nest will always be here.

19 Years Ago Today

Nineteen years ago today at 1:37 pm, my life was forever altered. It was precisely at that moment that Katie Rae came squealing into the world. She has been making her presence known ever since. I cannot believe that the years have gone so quickly. I read a blog today of a person who had counted the weeks until his daughter will graduate high school and made a vow to make each day count to the fullest and to give as much as he could to his kids in terms of time. I did that. I did. I have NO REGRETS. She was the world, no the universe, to her daddy and I, every waking hour of every day. Our dreams, hopes, and plans revolved around her and a future for and with her. It doesn't matter. The time still goes so quickly that if you focused on them even when you were asleep, you would still think "where did the time go?" It is just part of life I guess. I am sure that my mom sees me and wonders "when did my baby girl get old?" I wonder that about myself daily. So today at 1:37 pm, that little 7 pound gift from God was in a college Spanish class after having been at work since 7:30 this morning. That bundle of joy was busy with preparing herself for a life and a future. I am so proud of her. She is a young woman now, not quite an adult but barely a teenager any longer. I don't want the time back. I want time ahead to see what this young lady is going to do with her life. Did I say I was proud of her? I am. Happy Birthday Katie Rae........you are the air we breathe....let the adventure continue.

She's Coming Home TODAY!!!

After moving out in August, Katie is coming back home today. Granted it is only for 11-12 weeks before she moves to Lubbock but starting today she will be back under our roof. My friends asked me if I was excited and I hesitated. We all three have adjusted to her being gone and "on her own" and George and I have had to adjust to being "on our own". So I do see another adjustment coming. And at the Shelton household we don't adjust to ANYTHING well. I mean we do eventually accept change but not without a lot of "drama" before hand. My rule for all three of us, stated two nights ago before the MOVE started, that we were all going to have to readjust ( I mean 9 months IS a long time) and that in the process we needed to be patient and KIND. Something else we don't do well I might add. :0) So, yes, my baby girl is returning to the nest today. I am excited, I am expectant, and a little anxious. I have all these grand ideas about how much we have all changed and grown in these last months but in my heart I know that in a matter of minutes of us all being together we will revert back to the normal (using the term loosely) Shelton household routine. "What time is supper?" "I am hungry." "Dad, did you smoke IN my bathroom?" "Turn your music down!" "Don't use that tone with me" "MOM (with an eye roll thrown in) and so forth. So yeah, perhaps we aren't as enlightened as I think/hope we are. But in the end............none of that matters..............She is coming HOME today and down deep..........I am not only excited.......I AM THRILLED!!!

Welcome to Texas Tech!!

Well it is official.......we are part of the Red Raider family as of Friday afternoon about 2:30 pm. I am a little overwhelmed. Katie has wanted to go to Tech for as long as she has been old enough to know that she wanted to "for sure" go to college. And as most of you know, we wanted her to stay here a year to "get her feet under her" before we sent her THOUSANDS of miles away....okay only 200 miles or so but still. So, she has fulfilled her frantic family requirement and now she has been accepted into a Division I school WAY UP in the Panhandle FAR from home. We went up this last week for orientation and let me say that it was quite an eye opener. The first thing they told us (the parents) was to "relax" AND "release". In other words, GET OUT OF THE WAY AND LET YOUR CHILD TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR COLLEGE EDUCATION. Of course MY FIRST THOUGHT was......yeah but I'm paying the bill. But as they continued to speak, I realized that what they were saying made sense. When she goes in August, I won't be there to hold her hand, or help her with decisions or TELL HER WHAT TO DO!! Kind of disconcerting for what I like to call "hands on" parenting which Katie likes to call "mom, I can't breathe, your arms are suffocating me" parenting. Anyhow........as they began to talk about the enormity of her college education..how many kids actually finish, and what percentage actually pursue their degree without having to start over, and how many are successful, I began to feel a little overwhelmed. Had I been Katie, I would have RAN back to the car and to Angelo State University, hearth and home. But she was not deterred in the least. When we got through with the degree plan for becoming a lawyer, I asked her if she was still sure and she confidently said yes. As I took a break outside, by myself, I saw literally hundreds of students going around the campus to class, or jobs, or some jogging, or just hanging out. NOT ONE OF THEM was crying or vomiting. In fact, the only person I could find who felt a little nauseous was ME. So, when it was all over, I asked Katie how she felt and she said I am excited and can't wait to get here. I said "me, too" because that is what a Red Raider mom would say. But inside I thought.........oh my gosh what have we done? So, there you have it. She is going to Tech in August. I am proud. I am scared. I am already a little lonely. But I came home with a "Texas Tech mom T-shirt." As for Katie................she is counting the days.

What A Blessing

My daughter has grown up so much the last year that I can scarcely get over it or at times comprehend it. All those times I thought I was the "worst mom ever" and of course she was agreeing with me 100%, I never thought I was getting any of it right. BUT I WAS!!! LOOK AT HER!!! She is gorgeous, smart, a good student, ambitious, determined, responsible, and FIERCELY INDEPENDENT. I couldn't be prouder. Seriously!! And look at "the boyfriend." Not so bad either. Cute boy, solid Christian, good student, morally upstanding (no kidding), an athlete on a scholarship to a Division I school for tennis. Plays SEVERAL musical instruments, is active in his church, and likes his family. Shoot, he even likes us!! I don't know where they are headed and don't really care and I don't think they do either. They are so mature about their relationship, which has been long distance, and yet there is no drama there. I just feel blessed at this moment.