He's Not So "Great" After all

His dad is a doctor. His mom was a "stay at home" mom when he was little and now works for the dad, I think. The sister is in all sort of theatrical productions and sings. He along with others in the family play one or more musical instruments. They attend church. Not all the time but enough to be known there as members. They all play tennis and even do so as a family. They eat NOTHING that is fried, and the mom doesn't even know HOW to make gravy. They eat fruit salad without sugar, fruit dip, OR cool whip. They have a garden and a swimming pool along with a pool house. They drink wine and allow their kids to and they know which color goes with what meat. They eat a lot of fish and usually it is shrimp or lobster cooked outside by daddy in a "kiss the cook" apron. They take "family" vacations several times a year and one of them is almost always a cruise. Everyone speaks in a calm and reasonable manner ALL THE TIME. Money is not an issue of any kind. He got a scholarship to play tennis at a Division I school. The sister will probably have her way paid to a performing arts school in New York. Both he and the sister have "accounts" that were started by their grandparents and are now "handled" by them with help from dad as to what stock is the highest performing. They will be quasi-millionaires by the time they are in their early thirties. (or so they say) He and his sister's "work experience" has consisted of him being the tennis pro summers only for the country club. Sister, house sitting for rich neighbors and friends at $100 a pop. They have had everything handed to them. They have never had to work for anything or know the experience of having their parents say no. And not just no..... but no because "we can't afford it." They haven't had to make sacrifices or do without. As such, they have no empathy or understanding of people whose lives are very different from theirs. In fact, the boy is a SNOB. He cannot understand why someone would "worry" about money. His parents are no better. They said he was the "most decent guy his girlfriend had ever dated." They also insinuated that she realized this and that is why she loved him because he was such a "catch." I have heard them described by said girlfriend as a "television family."

She comes from a family where dad has no formal education but has worked hard his whole life and owns his own business. A business that he runs himself out of the house with an occasional helper if he is lucky enough to find one. Her mom, stayed home for a while to help raise his children from another marriage. Five people in a two bedroom apartment. Then her dad put the mom through school to help her get a job that would better their lives. It was hard but they managed. Money has always been an issue. Her brothers played football, and she was a cheerleader. There is musical talent in the family but mostly consists of singing in church. And yes, they are in church every time the doors are open. They try to be active and involved. They fight and argue and usually in LOUD voices. But there is no doubt that each and every one in the house is loved and loved a lot. One son attended college for a time and paid his own way. Another brother went and graduated and it was paid for by her parents. She is now in her second year of school, attending the same Division I school and her parents are paying for that as well. From the time they were 16 all the kids had a job after school. Not glamorous work but everything from plumbing, roofing, grocery stocker/bagger, sales person in the mall to a feed store. They worked 15-20 hours a week AND that included nights while going to school and being involved in extracurricular activities. Not to mention working full time in the summer. There were no family vacations because dad couldn't leave the work for longer than a three day week-end. They watched TV as a family and ate southern cooking that was almost always fried and gravy was considered a staple. No drinking by parents or kids.........at least while still living at home. Grandparents were salt of the earth people who grew up working the land and had no inheritance to pass on. No annuities, no stocks, no savings accounts. Just lots of love, a good work ethic, and gratefulness for what they did have. Her family swam at the lake and later on in a little plastic pool in the backyard and finally an above ground pool that is still standing these 10 or more years later. Not a television family but a real one. Lots of love and respect for each other and themselves. A foundation of faith, family, and friends. Regardless of what his parents say the girl has dated several NICE boys. So, if I had to pick a "worthy" girlfriend for this young man I would choose HER. She knows what it means to have to work for what you have. As such, she is responsible and financially sound. She can handle disappointment because it is part of life and growing up, she has experienced LIFE a LOT. She knows the value of a dollar. She knows what it means to work and work hard. She has experienced the sense of accomplishment and pride that comes when the things you have in life are EARNED. She appreciates what she has because she knows it came at a price. Yet she mourns his loss and feels like she won't find anyone "as great" as he is. I want to tell her that television families aren't real. That the "decent" person in all of this is her. Not that he is a bad guy, he is just spoiled, arrogant, and has no clue what the REAL world is all about. That if I were HIS parents I would tell him that she is every bit as good or as "decent" or as "good a catch" as they (and he)thinks he is. I would tell him that his immaturity and selfishness have quite possibly cost him the company of an amazing young lady. And that she loved him (as much as you can at that age) not for what he HAD but for who she thought (and sadly still thinks) he was....a great guy. I want to make her understand that greatness and courage come from LIVING life and all that goes with it good AND bad. It does not come from a life simply existed!!! It does not come from having everything handed to you. It does not come from a "charmed" life and a smug attitude for those whose lives have been different. I want her to know that he's not so great after all!!