"When people show you who they are

believe them." This is a quote from the famous poet Maya Angelou. I heard her say this YEARS ago, I believe on Oprah (yeah back when I watched her like 20 years ago). Ms. Angelou had been "discovered" by Oprah as this brilliant African American poet whom, unbeknownst to Oprah, had been around a LONG while and everyone BUT Oprah knew of her. I digress. Anyway, Angelou had said that the key to "getting along" in life without so many disappointments and betrayals and the key to having good healthy relationships with others was to believe people when they show you who they are. But, instead, for whatever reason, we tend to excuse bad behavior or disappointment in the people we care about and attach all kinds of excuses to their behavior. Okay, I am not talking about a one time blow up or freak out or something "out of the ordinary." Lord knows we have all been there, done that. But I am talking about when people do hateful, sneaky, manipulative, cheating, scheming, lying, underhanded (the list goes on and on) things. Or people who attack you or lash out at you every time you have an opinion different from theirs, or try to "punish" you for your feelings. And yeah, I can name at least THREE people close to me who come to mind IMMEDIATELY. What does that say about my ability to judge character? AT some point, you have to just say, "okay, so you are NOT a nice person." Or, "okay, you and I ARE NOT on the same page when it comes to how we are going to live our lives" or "we do NOT have the same values when it comes to friendship, honesty, integrity, and professionalism" and move on. Two years ago, I gave someone the benefit of the doubt even though they just kept "showing me" who they were. This week, they LEFT NO DOUBT!!! They are NOT a NICE PERSON. They are likable enough. Even friendly and occasionally humorous but they CANNOT BE TRUSTED TO DO THE RIGHT THING. And if they are that way with others they will MOST CERTAINLY be that way with me. In fact, they have been that way with me and I have "excused" it out of wanting to "give the benefit of the doubt." How stupid is that? If they keep on doing the same things to you and the people you care about then WAKE UP.........this is WHO THEY ARE!!!!!!! This person is someone whom I will see often but it doesn't mean that I have to let myself be sucked in anymore. It is time for me to BELIEVE, no matter how disappointing, WHO THEY ARE!!! I guess the redneck version of Ms. Angelou's quote is "actions speak louder than words." But yet we tend to go with the words that people say. Maybe because it is easier. Maybe because we don't want to truly see people for who and what they are. It just seems that this summer has been a series of disappointments for me when it comes to relationships (both male and female). And now school is starting soon and I have to face it head on. I am not looking forward to it. I am angry and sad. And not so much at the people who have "shown themselves" to me, but at myself for NOT BELIEVING that is who they are. For constantly making excuses for bad behavior when I have NO DOUBT that when I behave badly, they are NOT making excuses for me. I hope that I don't behave badly often enough that excuses have to be made. I hope that when I "act up" or hurt or disappoint someone that is that "rare occasion" where there is something else going on and that it is NOT who I am. I have always said what I thought the MINUTE I thought it. (and it hasn't always worked to my advantage or been a good thing I might add) But I am trying to do and be better. To temper my feelings and opinions so as NOT to hurt people. But at least with my friends and I guess even my enemies, you KNOW WHO I AM. Wish it were that way with everyone. Be a lot less disappointment I think. So remember, in EACH and EVERY relationship, "when people show you who they are, believe them." I intend to.