He's Not So "Great" After all

His dad is a doctor. His mom was a "stay at home" mom when he was little and now works for the dad, I think. The sister is in all sort of theatrical productions and sings. He along with others in the family play one or more musical instruments. They attend church. Not all the time but enough to be known there as members. They all play tennis and even do so as a family. They eat NOTHING that is fried, and the mom doesn't even know HOW to make gravy. They eat fruit salad without sugar, fruit dip, OR cool whip. They have a garden and a swimming pool along with a pool house. They drink wine and allow their kids to and they know which color goes with what meat. They eat a lot of fish and usually it is shrimp or lobster cooked outside by daddy in a "kiss the cook" apron. They take "family" vacations several times a year and one of them is almost always a cruise. Everyone speaks in a calm and reasonable manner ALL THE TIME. Money is not an issue of any kind. He got a scholarship to play tennis at a Division I school. The sister will probably have her way paid to a performing arts school in New York. Both he and the sister have "accounts" that were started by their grandparents and are now "handled" by them with help from dad as to what stock is the highest performing. They will be quasi-millionaires by the time they are in their early thirties. (or so they say) He and his sister's "work experience" has consisted of him being the tennis pro summers only for the country club. Sister, house sitting for rich neighbors and friends at $100 a pop. They have had everything handed to them. They have never had to work for anything or know the experience of having their parents say no. And not just no..... but no because "we can't afford it." They haven't had to make sacrifices or do without. As such, they have no empathy or understanding of people whose lives are very different from theirs. In fact, the boy is a SNOB. He cannot understand why someone would "worry" about money. His parents are no better. They said he was the "most decent guy his girlfriend had ever dated." They also insinuated that she realized this and that is why she loved him because he was such a "catch." I have heard them described by said girlfriend as a "television family."

She comes from a family where dad has no formal education but has worked hard his whole life and owns his own business. A business that he runs himself out of the house with an occasional helper if he is lucky enough to find one. Her mom, stayed home for a while to help raise his children from another marriage. Five people in a two bedroom apartment. Then her dad put the mom through school to help her get a job that would better their lives. It was hard but they managed. Money has always been an issue. Her brothers played football, and she was a cheerleader. There is musical talent in the family but mostly consists of singing in church. And yes, they are in church every time the doors are open. They try to be active and involved. They fight and argue and usually in LOUD voices. But there is no doubt that each and every one in the house is loved and loved a lot. One son attended college for a time and paid his own way. Another brother went and graduated and it was paid for by her parents. She is now in her second year of school, attending the same Division I school and her parents are paying for that as well. From the time they were 16 all the kids had a job after school. Not glamorous work but everything from plumbing, roofing, grocery stocker/bagger, sales person in the mall to a feed store. They worked 15-20 hours a week AND that included nights while going to school and being involved in extracurricular activities. Not to mention working full time in the summer. There were no family vacations because dad couldn't leave the work for longer than a three day week-end. They watched TV as a family and ate southern cooking that was almost always fried and gravy was considered a staple. No drinking by parents or kids.........at least while still living at home. Grandparents were salt of the earth people who grew up working the land and had no inheritance to pass on. No annuities, no stocks, no savings accounts. Just lots of love, a good work ethic, and gratefulness for what they did have. Her family swam at the lake and later on in a little plastic pool in the backyard and finally an above ground pool that is still standing these 10 or more years later. Not a television family but a real one. Lots of love and respect for each other and themselves. A foundation of faith, family, and friends. Regardless of what his parents say the girl has dated several NICE boys. So, if I had to pick a "worthy" girlfriend for this young man I would choose HER. She knows what it means to have to work for what you have. As such, she is responsible and financially sound. She can handle disappointment because it is part of life and growing up, she has experienced LIFE a LOT. She knows the value of a dollar. She knows what it means to work and work hard. She has experienced the sense of accomplishment and pride that comes when the things you have in life are EARNED. She appreciates what she has because she knows it came at a price. Yet she mourns his loss and feels like she won't find anyone "as great" as he is. I want to tell her that television families aren't real. That the "decent" person in all of this is her. Not that he is a bad guy, he is just spoiled, arrogant, and has no clue what the REAL world is all about. That if I were HIS parents I would tell him that she is every bit as good or as "decent" or as "good a catch" as they (and he)thinks he is. I would tell him that his immaturity and selfishness have quite possibly cost him the company of an amazing young lady. And that she loved him (as much as you can at that age) not for what he HAD but for who she thought (and sadly still thinks) he was....a great guy. I want to make her understand that greatness and courage come from LIVING life and all that goes with it good AND bad. It does not come from a life simply existed!!! It does not come from having everything handed to you. It does not come from a "charmed" life and a smug attitude for those whose lives have been different. I want her to know that he's not so great after all!!

My Friend Brandon

I have been fortunate in my life to be blessed with good friends. Not "acquaintances" but true, dependable, loving friends who care about me and my family. I have also worked very hard to be a loving, dependable friend to the people that God has placed in my life. I do not believe that anything happens by accident. I believe that there are no coincidences. Therefore, I believe that God placed Brandon in my life for a reason. To inspire me in my faith, to give me hope, and to make me grateful for the blessings I have that most people consider "everyday" parts of life. I thank God daily for my family, but also for my health and that of my loved ones, my house, my job, clothes on my back, food on my table, bills paid, and my friends. I use to never think about my health unless I was sick. But now I know that it is a gift and one for which I should be grateful. I thank God for it everyday. Which leads me to my friend, Brandon Clark. He has been battling (and it has indeed been a valiant fight) against two primary cancers since February of 2006. He has used his illness and the treatment as a ministry tool to try and reach people for Christ. To point them to God. And in huge ways, he has succeeded. He has changed and touched so many lives. Not just those of the people he knows but countless that he has never met. He has demonstrated such grace and courage in the face of this horrific disease that has ravaged his body but has not and could not rob him of his hope and faith. In fact, he embodies what I want for my life. To live for faith, family and friends........in that order. We all knew, including Brandon, that when God was through with him, He would call him home. That day is approaching and I am sad. But not for reasons one might think. I am sad for his family who will no longer have this amazing man in their midst. His legacy of love and laughter will live on in the hearts and minds of those who love him, but his physical presence will be sorely missed. I am sad for Brandon because I know to leave his family behind is something that breaks his heart. He has NO doubt about his eternal security but we all want to see our children grow up and be there to mark the milestones in their lives. I feel sad for his friends who will no longer get to spend time with this funny man whose main goal is to illicit laughter from those he is around. And I feel sorry for myself. I love him and I will miss him. I don't know how much "time" he has but I know that instead of dying from cancer, he will live with it until God calls him home. I am honored to be his friend. I pray for strength and God's grace and mercy for Brandon and those of us who love him in the difficult days ahead.

9/11/01

God Bless America..........May we never forget the events of that day.

It Happened So Fast!!

After four days of class and two days of work, I have discovered that Katie will never truly be home again. To visit, yes, to live....no. Just like that. Gone two weeks and BAM......she's really gone. I am quite without words (truly) and rather taken aback. I mean, it happened so fast. She called me Tuesday to say that her job wanted her to work in between semesters when I just assumed she would be home for a month. Of course, it is a REAL job and I guess they wouldn't let their employees, especially part-time ones have a 4 week vacation after being on the job three months. Sounds rather unreasonable to me. Don't they know that her momma had plans for those weeks? BUT, she is getting to be home for Christmas and New Years (which New Years' eve is her daddy's birthday). I should be grateful right? Yeah, well not so much. She then informs me that they will also be expecting her to work through the summer and that she doesn't want to lose this job so she will have to figure out where she is going to live and how that is all going to work out. Did I say that she had only been TWO DAYS ON THE JOB and FOUR DAYS IN COLLEGE????? MY plan was that she would be here ALL SUMMER and live at home and take classes at ASU? Well that wasn't going to work either evidently. Because she THEN informs me that in order to minor in Spanish and really really learn the language, she needs to STUDY ABROAD this summer, which will involve her GOING TO SPAIN FOR THREE WEEKS. And get this, her JOB will work around that because it is part of her education. Evidently they don't work around MOMS!!! Bitter, party of one please! Well when I get over the fact that she actually said SPAIN, I inform her that I can't afford to freaking send her across the ocean. Her response? She has already checked into it. It is quite affordable (and sad to say, she's right, it is). So......she didn't just leave the nest. In two weeks, she has ripped it out of the tree, scattered it to the wind, chopped the tree down and used it for firewood. I know that this is what I raised her for and I should be proud but it happened TOO fast. All I heard in ALL OF THIS NEWS she so excitedly called to tell me is that she is not coming home. She'll come for visits but she won't be BACK here like I had anticipated ever or at least anytime soon. I am proud of her........ she is growing up, making decisions, and mapping out her life all on her own. She is reconnecting with her faith and making good friends and wise choices. She is doing everything right (so far) and I love her more than ever. She is going to be just fine, but as for her daddy and I......it's a crapshoot. I sit her tonight, loving and missing her, yet being so proud. And through it all, since the phone call, the one constant that my mind keeps coming back to is........it happened so fast.