"When people show you who they are

believe them." This is a quote from the famous poet Maya Angelou. I heard her say this YEARS ago, I believe on Oprah (yeah back when I watched her like 20 years ago). Ms. Angelou had been "discovered" by Oprah as this brilliant African American poet whom, unbeknownst to Oprah, had been around a LONG while and everyone BUT Oprah knew of her. I digress. Anyway, Angelou had said that the key to "getting along" in life without so many disappointments and betrayals and the key to having good healthy relationships with others was to believe people when they show you who they are. But, instead, for whatever reason, we tend to excuse bad behavior or disappointment in the people we care about and attach all kinds of excuses to their behavior. Okay, I am not talking about a one time blow up or freak out or something "out of the ordinary." Lord knows we have all been there, done that. But I am talking about when people do hateful, sneaky, manipulative, cheating, scheming, lying, underhanded (the list goes on and on) things. Or people who attack you or lash out at you every time you have an opinion different from theirs, or try to "punish" you for your feelings. And yeah, I can name at least THREE people close to me who come to mind IMMEDIATELY. What does that say about my ability to judge character? AT some point, you have to just say, "okay, so you are NOT a nice person." Or, "okay, you and I ARE NOT on the same page when it comes to how we are going to live our lives" or "we do NOT have the same values when it comes to friendship, honesty, integrity, and professionalism" and move on. Two years ago, I gave someone the benefit of the doubt even though they just kept "showing me" who they were. This week, they LEFT NO DOUBT!!! They are NOT a NICE PERSON. They are likable enough. Even friendly and occasionally humorous but they CANNOT BE TRUSTED TO DO THE RIGHT THING. And if they are that way with others they will MOST CERTAINLY be that way with me. In fact, they have been that way with me and I have "excused" it out of wanting to "give the benefit of the doubt." How stupid is that? If they keep on doing the same things to you and the people you care about then WAKE UP.........this is WHO THEY ARE!!!!!!! This person is someone whom I will see often but it doesn't mean that I have to let myself be sucked in anymore. It is time for me to BELIEVE, no matter how disappointing, WHO THEY ARE!!! I guess the redneck version of Ms. Angelou's quote is "actions speak louder than words." But yet we tend to go with the words that people say. Maybe because it is easier. Maybe because we don't want to truly see people for who and what they are. It just seems that this summer has been a series of disappointments for me when it comes to relationships (both male and female). And now school is starting soon and I have to face it head on. I am not looking forward to it. I am angry and sad. And not so much at the people who have "shown themselves" to me, but at myself for NOT BELIEVING that is who they are. For constantly making excuses for bad behavior when I have NO DOUBT that when I behave badly, they are NOT making excuses for me. I hope that I don't behave badly often enough that excuses have to be made. I hope that when I "act up" or hurt or disappoint someone that is that "rare occasion" where there is something else going on and that it is NOT who I am. I have always said what I thought the MINUTE I thought it. (and it hasn't always worked to my advantage or been a good thing I might add) But I am trying to do and be better. To temper my feelings and opinions so as NOT to hurt people. But at least with my friends and I guess even my enemies, you KNOW WHO I AM. Wish it were that way with everyone. Be a lot less disappointment I think. So remember, in EACH and EVERY relationship, "when people show you who they are, believe them." I intend to.

Running With Buzzards

I am sure that you have heard the expression "soaring with eagles", or "on the wings of eagles." Well, I had a different experience this weekend. I ran in the Stop, Drop and Roll Five Mile Run benefitting the East Concho Volunteer Fire Department. It has been two months since I have attempted a five miler. I ran one in March and did well (it's all perspective, but my time was decent even though it was WAY behind everyone else) and then had injuries and a little surgical procedure and wasn't able to run for three weeks. I was really looking forward to the state race in May (another five miles)and even though I wasn't physically or mentally prepared I showed up. That is about all I did. Finished with an abysmal time and people watching me run thought I was having some kind of stroke or other fatal ailment. A friend of mine asked me the next day at church "are you okay, I was really getting worried about you yesterday. You looked like you were really struggling." Yeah, I get LOTS of encouragement at church. So, I was nervous Saturday about the run. When we got there the weather was great.......of course it was a little after seven IN THE MORNING. But by the time the race started an hour later it was already hot and EXTREMELY humid and we were running on pavement without ANY SHADE. I fought my feelings of anxiety and thought to myself "just finish." So off we went and I settled into a pretty good pace and decided to enjoy the run AND the countryside. I was last (though I never look back to see for sure) but felt pretty confident that no one was behind me. As I made the first three miles, I was feeling good. I have been running that distance for the last two weeks but felt a little anxiety about the last two. As I hit the three mile marker, I decided to focus on the "beauty" around me. I thought I saw two airplanes in the sky and thought to myself, "that is unusual, perhaps it is a training exercise." After all, we were out by Goodfellow. As I continued on, I noticed that the "planes" were getting lower. And about the same time, I realized that I was struggling physically and sweating profusely. As I looked up again, I realized with great horror that the planes closing in on me were not planes at all but good old West Texas Buzzards. I always thought they feasted on dead things only but evidently they have an eye for things that are "dying" or are in the "last stages of death." I am not sure which category that put me but I picked up the pace and outran those rascals. Finished the race upright, never walked, and shaved three minutes off of my time. I didn't win but I beat the buzzards!!!!

P.S. I WASN'T last and got third place for my age group............whoo hoo

I Lost A Friend Today

When you hear that statement you almost always assume that someone has passed away. Well when someone close to you is no longer a part of your life it feels like a death sometimes. I have always been blessed with many friends and quite a few GOOD, CLOSE, DEPENDABLE, NO MATTER HOW MUCH TIME PASSES I WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU friends. I lost one today. And they don't even know it. I think a great deal of responsibility comes with being someone's friend. Unlike being an acquaintance, whom you smile or wave at, or engage in small talk with, a FRIEND is someone much more. You can always be honest with them and they with you no matter how painful the subject is. You might not agree but you aree to disagree and the relationship continues. Friendship is a gift from God. Our Lord was the friendliest human on earth and extended His precious hand of friendship to people of both sexes, from every financial class, and from all walks of life. He knew how important it was. Man doesn't do well alone and for those who don't have spouses or families, God created friends to stand in the gap. I take my friendships very seriously. Today, I have decided to end one. It is not something that I did lightly nor is it something they will probably ever realize. Because you see, I was their friend and would KNOW right away if something was wrong or if they felt differently about me. But perhaps they were never really mine. They could just not continue to do the same thing over and over that they KNOW is hurtful to me if they were truly my friend. Or at least they would talk to me about it and try to make me understand. Or perhaps just say, even though we don't agree on this, I want you to know that I care about you and am sorry if you are upset. Instead...........NOTHING. So, today as the reality of our TRUE relationship settled in on me, I said out loud (because for me, that makes it seem more viable when you vocalize your feelings)"I am no longer so and so's friend." And I feel sad about it.........and they probably won't even notice. I lost a friend today........they did not. Because now I have to painfully admit that they were never as invested in me as I was in them. Therefore they were never a TRUE friend after all. And with that being the case I should not feel so sad. Sigh............