What an Idiot

"Let go and let God"....how many times have I heard that? I would say at least one hundred times. And how many times have I told someone that? At least one hundred. And how many times have I ACTUALLY DONE that? Nowhere near one hundred. I am so arrogant that I think I can handle things MOST OF THE TIME. And when I can't THEN I give it to God. I am sure He just shakes His head and thinks, "I love her but isn't she just so tragic?" I have had a trying week. No more than anyone else, I am sure, but when it is happening to you...........well, you don't really care about anyone else. Or at least I don't. And through it all, I did everything BUT really truly give it over 100% to God. I prayed about it, but in my mind, I thought "surely I can fix this." Well, guess what? COULDN'T!!! I am looking at a lot of things in the upcoming months that I am really going to have very little,IF ANY, control over. I am going to have to LET GO and LET GOD and no matter how trite that sounds............it works. Truly, it does. And that doesn't mean that God makes it all better. It means He works it out to HIS perfect will for your life and in the end how can that EVER be wrong? I am relying on Him for many things, but there is a small part of me that is trying to HELP Him get these things done. How appreciative HE must be that I am willing to give of my time and talent to HELP HIM!! Am I an idiot or what? (Rhetorical question which I don't expect you to answer) I had a colleague tell me one time that when I prayed I needed to literally turn my palms up and "let go". I tried it one Sunday and it was a liberating feeling. But it wasn't too long until I was back at my tight fisted life; hanging on to anything and everything that I thought I could do to make life better. What an idiot? (didn't I already say that?) So, on this Friday afternoon, as I think about all the things that cause me worry and stress, I am letting go..........I am..........truly........probably just for today but still.........I am going to place my TRUST in HIM and get out of the way. You know, until I think HE NEEDS MY HELP. What an idiot (and yes this time you may agree!)