"Seasons Change and So Did I"

That song lyric came to me as I realized I am sad today. Not down, not depressed just Webster's dictionary sad. I have come to several conclusions about me and my life that aren't easy to face or admit. First I have come to the conclusion, and it is not earth shattering by any means, that real friends are just hard to find. I have lost several in the last year. And by lost I don't mean to death. I think that would be easier. To know that they are no longer in your life because they are no longer here. In fact, I don't mean lost at all. I mean that I have come to realize that they (and some of them I have considered "friends" for years) are not and haven't really ever been my friend. They have liked me, hung out with me, called me, shared things with me but it was all very temporary and usually all done at their convenience or my insistence. So basically not friends at all. I have two friends that I worked with who went on to bigger and better things and we still stay in touch, email on occasion, and face book. When we talk, it is like no time has gone by and if I ever need either one of them they will be there. Those are friends. Others who live right here in town and are in contact with me just sort of interact with me if time allows it or they are in the mood for it which by the way they usually aren't. I am sad about it because the people who fall into this category I have really truly loved and cared for. It is not easy to admit that perhaps they don't feel the same way for whatever reason. And because "friends" have always been an integral part of my life and who I am, I am sad about this. It is time to move beyond these people and quit trying to make them into something that they are just never going to be.
Second, I have come to the conclusion that no matter how frustrating and even infuriating it is at times, I need to be thankful for my job. I mean there are many people out there with no job. And for the most part I get to do something that I believe GOD created me to do and that is teach. Yes students are different and the administration, well I will just leave that alone, but I have employment and it helps pay the bills and put food on my table. So I am going to quit griping about it. I am going to, instead, try to be grateful. AND I am going to retire as soon as I hit the mark. It is not in my nature to "back down" from a fight when I see things that I know in my heart to be wrong but in the long run I don't see it making any difference (except to maybe make ME feel better) so I am going to just do my job and wait my time.
Third, I seem to be in a season of loss. Loss of my mom, my friends, joy in my work, and the ability to handle disappointments. But the seasons change and perhaps so have I. Perhaps it is not a bad thing. Perhaps these things that are making me sad NEED to go. The song says it best "seasons change and so did I, you need not wonder why."

Getting My Laughter Back

As most of you know, my mom passed away recently and even though she was 89, for us, and I believe for her, it was really and truly totally unexpected. For the 11 days leading up to her death and for the 5 weeks now since..I seem to have lost my laughter. I am a "laugher" (is that even a word?) by nature because I am basically immature and laugh at just about any and every thing. I also crack myself up quite often so laughing is something that is a constant with me. My mom loved my laugh/smile more than anything else about me and I am sure she would not be happy about the fact that I seem to have misplaced it. I mean I have laughed some since July 25th but not much of it has been that deep belly hysterical laughter that is such a staple in my life. Don't misunderstand....I am not walking around with a cloud over my head and I still manage to be witty and sarcastic but let's be real...that only brings laughter to others...and I of course am all about entertaining my friends!! But I need a good hard long belly laugh to "restart" that part of me that seems so sad now. So send me corny jokes, fart when you are with me, (told you I was immature) or say something like "wiener" when you mean hot dog and maybe we can get me back on track. Any and all help would be greatly appreciated :0)

Time...Slippin' Through My Fingers

Just look at her. Go ahead, take a good long look. Is she not the cutest thing EVER? Twenty years ago almost to the minute that I am writing this Dr. Herbert held this little girl in front of my face and said "here you go, it's a Katie Rae". I remember saying "she's not very cute" and his reply was "yeah well she doesn't think too much of you either". Okay let me clarify. I had just undergone a C-section, had a little difficulty, and was somewhat medicated and Dr. Herbert her pediatrician was already in love with her. Still is to this day as a matter of fact. As is EVERYONE who comes in contact with her. She is fun, reliable, dependable, extremely independent, stubborn, opinionated, sympathetic, witty, talented, and yes at times mean. I am proud of her. I love her so much and now today as I write this she is no longer a teen. And as the song goes "I look at her and see time slippin' through my fingers." Where did it all go and how did this little girl grow up overnight? She will be moving into her "own" place two weeks from Thursday. She has her life mapped out and is taking the steps needed to reach her destination. When I was twenty I didn't know if I was washing or hanging out most of the time. But not Katie Rae. Determined is the word that describes her best. My heart is a little heavy today as I realize that even though she will ALWAYS be our "little girl", she is not a little girl anymore. Happy Birthday Miss Katie, may today and everyday be everything you hoped for.

Shelton Memorial Vet Clinic AND Animal Shelter

Remember the goat George saved running down the road at rodeo? Or the sick frozen cat that I wrapped up in my mom's FAMILY blanket for it to ride to the pound in comfort as they most likely put it to sleep after I had TRIED to feed and care for it for a week? Or the dog down the street that is German Shepherd size that the owners have chained out in the yard with a Chihuahua sized dog house that George went and gave them a big one and they finally UNCHAINED the animal and built it an enclosure. OR the TWO dogs next door that I feed, water (even bought them a self water dish) and gave them a dog house because their owners don't even know they exist? AND last week I discovered they (my non-dogs) had ticks so I went to the SPCA free give away and doctored them AND got them flea collars........well all of that to say this. Saturday as I am limping around with a "slight" case of food poisoning (and by that I mean enough to make me feel HORRIBLE) I went to check the mail and saw two white guineas eating in my neighbors flower bed. There was a garage sale across the street and I asked it they belonged to anyone over there and of course the answer was no. I went and got George as our cat decided she was in for a HUGE buffet and we began to try and "corral" them. we got them into our back yard and George caught one and gave it to me as it proceeded to bite the crap out of me I THREW it into a dog kennel we had and locked the door. Well Petey was out side and he was going berserk so I am running around trying to get him all the while wishing I could vomit. Well the second one flew into the pool and with George screaming at me to "get it" I grabbed it, as it threw water all over me, bit me HARD and then shat (yes that is the correct verb) it shat all over me and I dropped it and my husband in his infinite wisdom said "why in the hell did you let it go?" I am considering an attorney at this point. Anyway, we caught it finally and delivered them (the smell in my Tahoe was terrible) to my brother and sister in laws' in Christoval who have guineas along with EVERYTHING else. So I asked George "we weren't the ONLY people who SAW these birds. What does everyone else do?" He said, "they look they other way or they just don't care." So, I am going to put one of those big red crosses on my roof since I seem to be the way station for EVERY animal in trouble within a one hundred mile radius. Good news is.........birds are happy......and so am I for saving them. They wouldn't have lasted the night.

WHAT HAPPENED??!

What happened? I mean seriously...what happened? Katie moved to ASU into a dorm, then to Lubbock into a dorm and then wanted to move into an apartment in August and NOT come home this summer. THEN no apartment, but a house and quite possibly A HOUSE BY HERSELF.......NO ROOMMATES...NO ONE BUT HER!!! And now NOT in August but IN JUNE!! What is happening??? So now we are looking at ANOTHER deposit, furniture AND her tuition and books for summer school and instead of having three months to get ready we have ONE!! Let me say again... What happened??? And then last night she informed me that she had found a person there that sells Mary Kay so she is going to buy some which has always been what I did for her with my person here. Don't get me wrong I don't want to buy her make-up but it just felt like ONE MORE THING!!! What happened? I'll tell you what I think...........she just GREW UP OVERNIGHT. Wants to be independent and live truly on her own... I am okay with that I guess but it is just SO SUDDEN. Makes me wonder what happened? Is that how it works for everyone? Did my mom wake up one day and say "what happened?" Does everyone?? I mean is that how it happens........I am truly overwhelmed..........a house AND make-up!!

Sergio

I believe that God made me a teacher. That is the talent that I have and I am not being arrogant when I say I am quite good at it. I give God the glory because I do it through Him giving me the ability. Contrary to popular belief, not EVERYONE or ANYONE can teach. But I digress.
I treat students the way I want to be treated and try to teach them history but more than that I try to teach them to be informed, responsible, and productive citizens upon their graduation or GED or whatever. They don't all finish but I STILL try to teach them how to survive and be an asset to their community as adults. To teach them to try to be all that they can.

Which brings me to Sergio. I got a letter today at school from the jail. It was from Sergio, a former student of mine. He is at least 22, maybe older. He was a hardcore gangster but I always loved him and saw his potential. He had a great personality and was smart. The letter started out with how I had always treated him with respect and had never judged him. He went on to say that I had made a difference in his life and that he knew I would be disappointed in him. He then proceeded to tell me he had been sentenced to five years and only had to serve 2 years and six months. But he had credit for five months served so it wouldn't be so bad. I am liking this letter up to this point. THEN he wrote that family and friends could write a "letter" that he would be okay on the "outside" and he might could get out earlier. And would I mind doing that? Okay..........with ALL OF THAT SAID...Sergio is in jail for TWO COUNTS of AGGRAVATED ASSAULT WITH A DEADLY WEAPON. Seriously???

So I AM writing a letter. But NOT to the parole board!! I am writing to Sergio to say that this isn't jaywalking or "whoops my bad I took some gum from Town and Country'. That this is a serious offense and regardless of the circumstance he has been found guilty by a jury of his peers. And I will reiterate what I do in class all the time...talk to him about life lessons, and choices and that he made a bad one for which he will have to pay. What was he thinking? Not only in committing this crime but in thinking that I would try to help him bypass the system. You win some...you lose some........he lost and evidently so did I in trying to reach this young man........the road keeps getting harder and harder it seems...........for all of us!!

Jumprope

I fancy myself a runner. I am a member of a running club. I participate in community runs monthly and my niece and I run twice a week 5 miles both days. I also fancy myself to be somewhat physically fit. I don't smoke (been quit 20 or more years) and I don't drink AT ALL. I am a lifetime member of weight watchers and though I do not weigh what I would like, I am not overweight. Well just a FEW pounds. So...yes.... I consider myself not only healthy but heart healthy and a small time athlete. Yes I do. Or should I say I DID??? Since I hurt myself and had to lay off running for two weeks I was surprised at how much my cardio had diminished . My niece plays in a tennis league twice a week so not to be "outdone" I decided to do something "else" also on the days we don't run. I am, after all, very competitive. I mean I am an athlete!! And I decided that I would jump rope. I remember telling Christi what an expert I was in jumping rope when I was in ELEMENTARY school. And how I could jump forever so it would be no biggie and it was good for you. First clue as to what I was getting myself into should have been when the ropes weren't located in "toys" but in "sporting goods". Add to that the fact that there were MANY kinds from which to choose. They even had one with weighted handles which I scooped right up. Did I mention my expertise at jumping the rope? And that I am an athlete? So I decide that I was going to START with thirty minutes. After all, I run for a little under an hour twice a week so seriously??? How hard can this be?? My niece (who wants to see me live to be older than I am currently) said you should just start at ten minutes. As you can see, she is skeptical of my athletic abilities. So, on Sunday I grabbed the rope and nonchalantly told my husband "I'm going to put some music on and jump rope in here for thirty minutes or so and then am going to take a shower." REALLY!! Just as casual as that!!! So I put on some pretty rhythmic music and started to jump. About THIRTY SECONDS LATER when I was FOR SURE I was having a minor cardio infarction (and yeah, its infarction not infraction, who knew?) I threw the rope down and went and got a drink of water. I thought to myself this cannot be right so I tried again. After ANOTHER thirty seconds or so, I went outside and had George feel my heart, which was not necessary, as you could SEE it POUNDING in my chest THROUGH MY SHIRT. What is going on? So I tried again (two more times with a break in between). When the whole horrible ordeal was over I figured all total I had jumped rope for about TWO MINUTES!! Well, I drug my athletic body to take a shower and then my shin splints, calves, thighs and glutes all began to ache, not to mention the headache that was starting to develop right behind my eyes!!!

So I have not jumped rope since. It lays there on the table mocking me. So, today I will run and BOOST my ego about my athletic abilities and TOMORROW I will face the rope and in time, grasshopper, I will MASTER THE ROPE. Who would have thought that jump roping was such a hardcore exercise? I know that boxers do it and now I know why. After doing it Sunday I FELT LIKE HITTING SOMEONE ALSO!!!