Time Heals All Wounds

How many times have you heard or said that in your lifetime?  I have A LOT.  But to a certain degree it is a lie.  A few definitions of a "wound" are trauma, gash, laceration, or injury.  We are not talking about a scratch or a cut.  We are talking about an "injury".  And over time that injury heals usually leaving a scar and around it a sort of numbness.  It is never quite the same in appearance and in feeling. It heals but YOU know it is always there and YOU know what caused it.  Wherever it occurred that place is changed. Same thing with losing a loved one.  It leaves a scar and a numbness in a little piece of your heart and soul.  A year ago this Friday at 7:05 my husband passed from this earthly life into eternity.  And in the months following I was extremely busy dissolving Shelton Plumbing, trying to work, trying to cope, and trying to live.  A lot happened. Katie wrecked her car, my house was broken into ,there were family disappointments, and then there were the holidays.  I didn't even have time to heal or to even  try.  And to be honest I am pretty sure "healing" wasn't something that I even wanted at that point. Then the new year came, I moved offices, Katie got engaged and I looked up and saw that time was moving on.  I knew it would but I felt like I missed it.  Missed what?  I'm not sure. But there was an emptiness that I felt most days.  Most of 2015 was a year of "lasts" and we both knew that.  Last birthday, anniversary, Father's Day, Mother's Day, Katie and Blaine's birthday. Just a lot of life events we knew we were never going to experience together again.  2016 was supposed to be a year of "firsts".  First this or that without him.  But I didn't do that.  I didn't do a lot of "this time last year" because this time last year was hard and I didn't choose to relive it.  So now his death date is approaching.  A year.  I foolishly thought that if I could just hit that mark that things would be "better".  But I was lying to myself.  I have caught myself the last 4 days reliving "this time last year" and the wound feels fresh.  And I am dreading Friday.  Granted he will be just as gone then as he was a year ago but there's something about it that makes me so sad.  But with the grace of God there has been healing. I have gone on and I have done all I can to honor his life, our life, and our love. I have a good life and one that I think would please him.   But there's still a scar that no time can heal.  There is a numbness and a piece of me that will never be the same.  His death wounded me beyond what I ever thought I could bear.  But I have.  I am grateful for my family and friends and for my faith. I am grateful for God's grace and mercy to us during that last year and to me during this first year. I am blessed that in those last moments mine was the last name on his lips and my love for him were the last words on mine.  I cling to that. So time has helped and healed but there is and will always be a scar.  Just sayin'.