"Seasons Change and So Did I"

That song lyric came to me as I realized I am sad today. Not down, not depressed just Webster's dictionary sad. I have come to several conclusions about me and my life that aren't easy to face or admit. First I have come to the conclusion, and it is not earth shattering by any means, that real friends are just hard to find. I have lost several in the last year. And by lost I don't mean to death. I think that would be easier. To know that they are no longer in your life because they are no longer here. In fact, I don't mean lost at all. I mean that I have come to realize that they (and some of them I have considered "friends" for years) are not and haven't really ever been my friend. They have liked me, hung out with me, called me, shared things with me but it was all very temporary and usually all done at their convenience or my insistence. So basically not friends at all. I have two friends that I worked with who went on to bigger and better things and we still stay in touch, email on occasion, and face book. When we talk, it is like no time has gone by and if I ever need either one of them they will be there. Those are friends. Others who live right here in town and are in contact with me just sort of interact with me if time allows it or they are in the mood for it which by the way they usually aren't. I am sad about it because the people who fall into this category I have really truly loved and cared for. It is not easy to admit that perhaps they don't feel the same way for whatever reason. And because "friends" have always been an integral part of my life and who I am, I am sad about this. It is time to move beyond these people and quit trying to make them into something that they are just never going to be.
Second, I have come to the conclusion that no matter how frustrating and even infuriating it is at times, I need to be thankful for my job. I mean there are many people out there with no job. And for the most part I get to do something that I believe GOD created me to do and that is teach. Yes students are different and the administration, well I will just leave that alone, but I have employment and it helps pay the bills and put food on my table. So I am going to quit griping about it. I am going to, instead, try to be grateful. AND I am going to retire as soon as I hit the mark. It is not in my nature to "back down" from a fight when I see things that I know in my heart to be wrong but in the long run I don't see it making any difference (except to maybe make ME feel better) so I am going to just do my job and wait my time.
Third, I seem to be in a season of loss. Loss of my mom, my friends, joy in my work, and the ability to handle disappointments. But the seasons change and perhaps so have I. Perhaps it is not a bad thing. Perhaps these things that are making me sad NEED to go. The song says it best "seasons change and so did I, you need not wonder why."