Goodbye 2008

Well this year is almost over and I can honestly say that I am NOT sorry to see it go. It has been a trying year for me and my family. We have had one medical situation after another since March. Month after month. I mean January and February we were good and then BAM!!! I jokingly referred to our home as the "Shelton Family Memorial Clinic" for most of the year and of course with the exception of the "head nurse" aka ME, the Clinic was not really a pleasant place. We just kept rotating patients....Katie, my mom, George, Katie, my mom, George. I NEVER GOT TO BE SICK ONCE!!! Okay, I got to be sick but alas there was no nurse available as she was SICK!! But as I look back... I realize that God was with us every step of the way and things could have been so much worse. What a year!! Katie graduated from Lake View and got ready to "move out" to go to school. It was such an adjustment for everyone. She grew up almost overnight and became so independent and responsible. And as I watched that with pride, I also felt a little sad that my "little girl" was not so little anymore. And as I look back on that.. I again see the hand of God in her life as she ventured out into the world and BACK to church. We had helpers come and go at Shelton Plumbing and that was an adjustment for George. We knew the economy was bad, but never dreamed it would impact our little "family" business. And then it did....... ALOT! And despite all the DRAMA, we made it through and here we are anxiously awaiting a new year with hope of new adventures and chapters in the book of our lives. I am grateful for SOME of the trials of the past year, as I learned from them and IN many of them deepened my relationship with the Lord. I truly believe that He will hold me and keep me all the days of my life. My wish/resolution/desire for 2009 is for me AND my family to be healthier physically, emotionally, and spiritually. So, I leave 2008 behind grateful for the lessons learned and the obstacles overcome. Grateful for another year of life lived with all the good and bad that comes with it. I hope that I will carry that with me into 2009 and know that no life is without sorrow and trials. That we all face hills and valleys. That God will be with us through it all if we just trust and have faith. So, here's to 2009... I am ready!!! I wish all of you a healthy, happy, and prosperous new year!!

All Dogs Go to Heaven

My beautiful blue heeler Beau is being put down this morning. He is 10 years old and he has belonged to us since he was 8 weeks old. He can catch a frisbee, a ball, or anything else that you were willing to toss in mid-air. He entertained all the neighborhood kids and passer-bys who wanted to throw the frisbee for the "flying dog". He is extremely smart and stubborn. Is house trained but stayed outside mostly. As he got older it became a game of "outwit, outlast, and outplay" when we would try to put him out and it was cold outside. He would take off running and drag himself under our bed or any place else where it was impossible to get to him. One day, he had wedged himself in so tight under our bed that he just slept there the entire day. We ultimately had to help him get out. They say that 10 years old is a good life for a dog. I guess. But the aging process isn't really kind to any of us. He started having "accidents", and a couple of months ago had a seizure. He was on an arthritis medication and still played frisbee with George but now instead of out in the field behind the house, they played in the back yard where Beau didn't have to run as hard or fast. Saturday, he had three seizures and the last two were pretty violent. We took him to the "hospital" at 11 that evening and the next morning after church picked him up with some anti-seizure meds. He never got to take them. He had another seizure at the vet's office that morning and just couldn't recover. After nursing him all day and staying up with him off and on all night....I made THE CALL this morning. Our wonderful vet is making a house call at 10:00. He is going to assess Beau and then make the decision. But I already know. I love that dog... A LOT. He is like a member of the family. He is not himself. In fact, he is a mess. It is breaking my heart but because I love him I know that I have to be merciful to him and give him rest. It is said that dogs don't have souls. That is why they don't go to heaven. I agree with part of that. Beau doesn't have a soul but he has heart and spirit. And that will live in my spirit. My love for him will live in my heart. And when I die I will take it with me. So, yes, he will get to go to heaven.... in my heart. I will miss you dear friend. You were a great dog.

Not doing Christmas

All I have heard for the past month is "I/We aren't doing Christmas this year." Not doing Christmas? What does that even mean? You are just going to leave the country? Oh wait, Christmas is EVERYWHERE!!! I notice people don't say "we are not doing Thanksgiving, Easter, or Halloween." Let me guess. Those holidays are about YOU. About EATING. About little, if any, effort!! Christmas involves giving. And I know, before you even think it, it is or SHOULD BE about the birth of our Saviour. I get that. I celebrate that. But Jesus was OUR gift. A gift to the world. How do you just say, "I'm not doing that?" I know that economically things are tough and they are at the Shelton household as well. But this bitter, cynical attitude about Christmas? That is not a money issue. That is a selfish issue. (Gospel according to Shelton). My husband has never liked Christmas but his is a MAN issue. Shopping? Are you kidding me? The Christmas fairy does all of his shopping and wraps and labels stuff and he just sits back and receives the "thank-yous." OOPS, now I am sounding bitter. And I am not. We are DOING Christmas this year. And it won't be on a grand scale because the economy IS bad. But we will "do it" just the same because we love to give at my house. Because the economy was pretty rough on Joseph and Mary (couldn't really afford a motel) but God DID Christmas anyway. He didn't wait for a better place to come open to give us His gift. Because this is and should be a joyous time. Why is everyone so angry? Why is everyone so anti-Christmas this year. I am particularly amazed at my friends that say "this year we are going to truly celebrate the reason for the season". Haven't you been doing that all along? Do gifts prevent you from doing that? Or the ones that say "we are going to make memories this year" or "not waste money on a bunch of crap". Well memories aren't made, they happen. And I bet no one has ever actually bought crap. Where do you go to get that anyway? I just spoke to one too many people this week that had this whole anti-Christmas attitude and it made me feel guilty for buying gifts (which are within my budget I might add) and for singing carols and looking forward to time spent with family and friends. So, yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus and you can find him at my house Christmas morning, along with the food, the presents, the memories and oh yeah....the crap!! Merry Christmas and to all a "LIGHTEN UP!!"

I am Definitely the Smartest Person in the Room

I am testing young adults (17-18 year olds) before the Christmas break. As usual, there is kind of a fellowship time at the beginning of class. I listen to them speak and what comes out their mouths covinces me that I am the smartest person in the room. Every day, every class period. Yesterday, I had a young lady who could not understand why she got a ticket for parking in a handicapped zone at Wal-Mart when she had to hurry in and get her lunch so she wouldn't be late back to school. I tried to explain the concept of "handicapped" and she said "well I never thought it was for people who couldn't walk." Okay, perhaps she parked there because she is MENTALLY handicapped and then I would agree that she didn't deserve a ticket. In fact, she should get a parking sticker. Perhaps a brain in a red circle with a line across it? So day by day, I feel more intelligent. Today, however, was extra enlightening!! We were doing a quick review and I was just peppering them with questions and everyone was answering spontaneously. I asked the class the following question, "Due to the prosperity of the 1920's people began to purchase goods on?" The answer of course was "credit". But one young lady shouted out E-BAY!!! Yes, in the 1920s they had e-bay! I am not only the smartest in the room but today I am Einstein!!

E-bay.....yikes!! The future of America people. Scary isn't it?

Perspective

Perspective is a funny thing. It all depends on how you look at it. Did you know that in harassment cases, what matters is whether or not the person FELT harassed? That, according to the law, their perception is what matters. In fact the law states that if the person FELT harassed then NO MATTER the intent, harassment occurred. So, the law is based on perception. Perception is reality. Police will tell you that 5 people can see a car accident and each one will have a different "eyewitness" account. The end result will be the same but the "details" will vary according to the witness' perspective. I have seen and heard many different perspectives in the last 5 days or so as we are experiencing a transition in our church. Transition.....that's another funny word. We all know what it means but it has become political speak for "you might not like the change that is coming." If you don't believe that... just ask the Republicans right now as they are "transitioning" to a new president! Anyway, you have to be careful when listening to people's perspective on certain events or people. They are really telling you what amounts to "their side". They don't even intend that.... but they are speaking from their perspective... which is like I said...their reality. It is intermingled with how they FEEL. We all do it. When we are conversing with friends, family, or loved ones we do it. If we are talking sports, religion, politics, or even who has the best/worst life...it is spoken through OUR perspective OR our view as it applies to us. Things in our conversation are tempered with how they AFFECT us. And on emotional issues, it is really hard to find the truth amidst the perspective of the person speaking it. That is why we must weigh and measure what we say, how we say it, and more importantly, why we say it. And the same in the hearing.... what are we hearing, why are we hearing it and what is the motive of the person speaking it? So, is there ANY truth out there? Yes, but sometimes you have to really sift to find it. But then, that is just my perspective.

Doo-Wap Doo- Wap

I LOVE to sing. I LOVE music. My life has a soundtrack (read previous blog of same title!) Well I have always, with salt shaker (or spatula or whatever I could find) in hand have put on mini concerts in my home. From small child, to teenager, to yes even now. Of course I do this when no one else is home and I am ALWAYS the headline act!!! No second billing for me. UNTIL NOW!! Sunday night I (along with our choir) got to sing back up to Grammy Award winning artist Larnelle Harris. Oh my gosh!! More fun than a barrel of monkeys. Seriously, I had the best time ever. Katie stood next to me and she and I had the time of our lives. I have found my calling. A Doo-Wap girl. Okay, I am definitely going to have to have some kind of surgical procedure done first in order to LOOK as good as I SOUND...but I am retiring in 3 years and there will be plenty of time. Another "dreamgirl" has been discovered...even if it is only within the confines of her mind!!

Hopscotch in the Park

Yesterday I took a jog in Santa Fe Park. It was a glorious afternoon and there were people jogging/walking/running. Some had their dogs. Men were playing golf. Several were picking up pecans. Others were fishing. Kids kingdom was full and children were playing behind the YMCA as part of the day care program. I had the best music on my IPOD and after laboring the first quarter mile (which is usual for me) I got into a rhythm and was just enjoying the sights and beauty of the park. On my way back through I read all the signs that are a part of the tour of lights and just was having a whale of a time. But nothing compares to what happened at the end of my route. I decided instead of stopping at my usual stop that I would jog down through to Celebration Bridge. As I got on the bridge, I noticed a dad with his two little girls sitting on the bridge posts. At their feet was a net. They had been seining for bait. I went past with a smile and a wave. On my way back by, I noticed hopscotch tiles on the bridge. I was walking in perfect rhythm to my music when I spontaneously did the hopscotch. When I got to the end tile I jumped on it with both feet and looked over at those precious little girls. No words spoken. Their faces broadened into the biggest of smiles and so did mine. I walked off and felt the carefree happiness of a child. As I made the bend I looked back and they had "pulled" their daddy over to the tiles and I could see him "hopping" on the tiles and explaining the "game" to his little girls. A special moment for all of us!! I was glad to be a part of it. Hopscotch in the park. Maybe today when I go I will bring a rock and really play!!!

Lightening the Load

We all carry a load of some sort. A few weeks back someone really hurt and disappointed me. I thought it was just good old poisonous anger but it stemmed from hurt and disappointment which is where anger really comes from I think. Anyway, I just nursed these feelings and let them sort of dictate my relationship with this person and my attitude about a lot of things related to them. Yesterday God grabbed my attention (yanked is a better term) and told me that I needed to not only let these feelings go but to forgive the person who had caused them. I remembered a sermon I had heard a while back that said that one way to erase the bitterness in your life is to not only forgive the person who has hurt you but to tell them (when it is possible and realistic to do so) that you forgive them. Are you kidding? Go to the person who has hurt or disappointed you and tell them you forgive them when they haven't even asked for forgiveness? That's a little presumptuous don't you think? Well that sermon came to mind yesterday and I made an appointment to see this person. A friend of mine tells me that I am like the old cartoon character that has the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other. I always say "yeah and the angel stands there daily thinking man, my life sucks because the devil wins out more often than not". And the devil was there yesterday. I had decided that when I told this person I forgave them I was also going to "revisit" what had caused the problem in the first place and do all I could to not only make my side known but to try to make this person feel bad. After all, God had led me to this place, right? Well today I met with the individual and the devil DID NOT WIN OUT!! God was indeed in this from the beginning and He carried me through today. I was sincere, I spoke my heart, witnessed a little, and gave God the glory for all of it. The meeting went great and I left with a sense of peace. The individual was receptive and opened up to me about their own spiritual struggles. We were able to talk like children of Christ. It was good. God is not a liar. "If you have aught against your brother, you should go to him and make it right." I am paraphrasing but you can find it in Matthew. Every time I follow God's instruction, it turns out to be such a good thing. DUH!! So today I am lighter. A burden is lifted. I think that is how we have to approach such things. One at a time. Lightening the load.

Right in front of my face

Yesterday I lost my school keys. And what followed was a total 100% freakout!! I dug through the trash, had my assistant principal look at the cameras on my hall to see if we could see me with them, called all my friends, and eventually had my husband stand on a ladder and hold a flashlight while I dug through the school dumpster last night. EEWWW!!! And of course I did not find them. I was sick. Just sick. Almost couldn't eat supper. (you notice I said almost) Came to school today heavy hearted as those were my keys to EVERYTHING!! For teachers, our keys are basically our lives. Sad but true. As the department chair, I have the keys to EVERYTHING and of course everything was locked and now I have no keys. After a departmental meeting this morning, I was getting a test for a colleague and opened a FLAT notebook that had been on my desk the whole time and that I had even picked up and moved yesterday during my frantic search and BAM! there were my keys. Right in front of my face. Well hidden by a binder but still. It set me to thinking. I had gotten so upset and tried hard to spread that to all of my friends and loved ones (misery DOES love company) when what I was upset about was right in front of my face. Wonder how often that happens in my day to day life. I worry, stress, and seek for answers or solutions when it is most likely right in front of my face. Last night at supper George prayed and he did ask God to help me find my keys (he sort of snickered when he said it because he just thought it was silly that I was so upset) and I said "God doesn't care about my keys" and he said "I am fairly certain He does." I thought about that and realized that God cares about everything in our lives because He cares for us. He wants that relationship with us. It's not about "lost" keys. It is about US. He cares when we are upset, or stressed, or happy. He wants to share EVERYTHING in our lives. I am starting to find that in everything there is something that God is wanting us to learn. He tries to share with us and sometimes we can't see what is right in front of our face. I want a full time relationship with God. I do. And I work, and worry, and try to do all the things that I think will "get that" for me. How stupid. I learned, with the keys, that the minute I got out of the way, the minute I quit trying to do it all on my own, the minute I just let go.....there they were. I know it seems weird to use lost keys as an analogy to finding a relationship with God but that is how my mind is working today. And it is MY blog after all. I don't have to search and worry and stress about my relationship with the Lord. I don't have to search frantically to find Him. He is right here....waiting for me to let go and let Him, counting the moments until I relax, and look for Him...right in front of my face.

ART

Art....I don't get it. As I was waiting for my niece and her friend to show up at the Celebration Bridge Thanksgiving morning for us to do our version of the Turkey Trot. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, a 5K run on Thanksgiving morning. She was late...shocking for her!
We were to meet at the San Angelo Museum of Fine Arts. Since I was early, I started looking around. That is when I saw this bright squiggly blue thing. It is cool looking but I think my grandson, Ryder, has duplicated it with bendy straws many times as we have been out to eat. It is blue and shiny but art? I am not so sure. There is no telling what it costs but I bet it wasn't cheap. And so I started thinking....hey, maybe I could be an artist? Okay, maybe not...but I just don't see this as art. Not really even as a sculpture. Just a cool blue bendy thing. As I waited (some more) for my niece to arrive I saw these interesting pieces of "art"
Now I KNOW that Grace Elizabeth (she's 7) has made these EXACT same trees out of play-doh before. You know, their (Ryder and Grace) daddy is an artist. Even teaches art. Maybe he isn't an artist after all. Maybe he, along with whoever did these pieces of art, were just mimicking what they have seen their children do?
Art? I don't get it.

It's Not Cancer

I feel sorry for myself sometimes. I think we all do. Life gets hard. There are demands, issues and stress. But it is life. It is living. It is not cancer. I have a good friend whose body has been invaded by cancer. Yet, for him, it's not about the cancer. It is about life. It is about being thankful for all the things that come with life. Because he wants to live. Even with all the demands, issues and stress, he wants to live. And so do we all. Sometimes I think that we don't realize that even in the midst of life at its worst it is better than no life at all. I am not talking about spirituality here because I know, as does my friend, to "be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord", for those that believe. But I am talking about us in the flesh. We all want to live but we ALSO want life to be good. Our perspective is all wrong. Maybe we should realize that drawing breath under ANY circumstances is good. That if we are healthy then no matter the financial trouble, drama with our kids, disappointment in our friends, dissatisfaction with our jobs, or any of the other things that cause us to be unahppy.....it is not cancer. When I say that, it makes me ashamed. All of the times I have whined and complained when I really have nothing to be unhappy about. I have a family that loves me, good friends, a roof over my head, clothes to wear, food to eat, a vehicle to drive, and a job. I am, for the most part, healthy as is my family. And when things go wrong, I need to remind myself.....it's not cancer. And be grateful.
Please pray for my friend and his family; Brandon, Jenny, Brady, Kylee, and Landon Clark.

Thankfulness

Every year at this time, I focus, as does everyone else, on the things for which I am thankful. The things that are important to me. The things that affect my very being. Like my family, my faith, my health, my job, good friends, a place to live, and of course eternal security. But what about those things that make me happy that aren't your every day garden variety "thanks for this" stuff? Well here are the EXTRAS that make me thankful that probably don't get a lot of press from me or anyone else for that matter. So here are my TOP TEN THINGS THAT I AM THANKFUL FOR THAT NEVER GET TALKED ABOUT
10. desserts ( not just chocolate, though that is huge, but any other sweet delicacy that when you place it in your mouth, your tongue goes "wow, thanks a LOT!"
9. hot showers (the kind that, when you are chilled to the bone, the minute the water hits you, you squirm around under the shower head trying to get that warmth all over your body)
8. couch blankets (the soft cuddly ones that you wrap up in even when it is 90 degrees outside. Probably goes back to that "swaddling" thing of our infancy)
7. clean sheets (best sleep ever)
6. laughter (where your stomach hurts)
5. tears (the happy kind, usually from great laughter)
4 solitude (not forced but voluntary)
3. a great book (read after that hot shower under that great blanket!)
2. supper (doesn't matter the dish, just everyone around the table, talking at once enjoying each other and it isn't even a holiday!)
1. pets (any kind...always glad to see you, listens if needed, doesn't judge, and will curl up beside you and offer unconditional love at any time of any day)

My Life Has A Soundtrack

I love music. I always have. When I was growing up, television didn't stay on the air 24 hours or even most of the day. But the radio did. Everyone had a stereo of some kind. We had tons of records, both albums and 45's. My brothers always had records. I can still feel the static of the cellophane that covered the cardboard sleeves that housed the music of my life. The slick vinyl music with the tiny lines that separated one song from another. Music filled our home. Not just "kids" music but the music of my mom's generation and all the soundtracks from the musicals of the time. And when we weren't playing albums, we were listening to the radio. There was not a plethora of stations to choose from either. There was just a lot of different music played on one channel. And we would sit and anxiously wait for "our song" to come on. We entered the contests, called in to the request line and made dedications to our friends and boy/girl friends. We danced on the porch, in the house, and even on the furniture (when mom wasn't home). Dance contests were a staple of our week. We knew every word of every song and sang them at the top of our lungs. We would create our own music videos (though we had no idea what those were) by sometimes acting out the lyrics. It makes me smile to remember. I listen to the oldies to revisit the songs of my youth. Every song reminds me of a person, an incident, or even a specific day or time of day. To this day my family still loves music. My daughter was rocked to sleep by some of the greatest music every written; "brown-eyed girl", "Country Road Take Me Home", the entire soundtrack from "My Fair Lady", "Jesus Loves Me", "Yankee Doodle/She's a Grand Old Flag" medley, and some Beatles just to name a few. My tastes run far and wide. She too is a musical child. And her tastes are far reaching as well. Our music minister has a gift for selecting music that speaks to the hearts of God's people. Whether we are at choir practice or singing to our "family" at church, I feel the closest to God at those times. I have heard many a great sermon in the guise of song. I have been convicted and moved to tears and a desire to "do and be better" through music. I remember the song that was playing when I walked forward and told my church family that I had accepted Christ as my Saviour and was wanting to be baptized. I remember it was that same song when my daughter-in -law made that same walk on Christmas Day. I am so thankful that God gave us music. It moves, inspires, and cheers me. When the day seems long, and the burdens heavy, I "crank it up" in my car or in my home and let the music take me away. I am grateful for the soundtrack of my life.

Chocolate Promises

I am a cusser. I am not proud of that, I am just stating a fact. I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, fool around, or any other "vice". Instead I cuss. I use to not cuss, BUT I did drink, smoke and particpate in other "youthly vices". I am not condoning or making excuses but that is where I think the cussing comes from. I quit doing a few bad things and started doing just one. Well my Sunday School a few weeks back graciously agreed to pray for me about this. Of course, this took place after I cussed in class. In fact, many of them looked a little taken back and then of course I had to confess. Hello, my name is Joyce, I am a cusser. Hello Joyce!! Well, I believe that their prayers are working. I eat lunch with a great crew that are affectionately known as the "lunch bunch". We eat, laugh, and play cards every day. (that card playing is a whole other blog!) The girls in the group LOVE Dove brand chocolate. It is the expensive kind that comes in very small bags, individually wrapped, and in different varieties. Everyday we all eat 2-3 as we eat and play cards. Just a note, when it was my turn to buy the chocolate I slipped in a "hershey's mix" that was not well received at all. But I digress. Every one of these pieces of chocolate have a "promise" inside written on the foil wrapper. They are silly things like "take a break, have another piece". Most of the "promises" are repeated in every piece of candy. Today, I ate a piece and read the "promise" inside. Normally I just eat the candy. It said 'kick a bad habit for today". Are you kidding me? I read it to the lunch bunch who responded in unison "CUSSING!!" About 4 minutes later when I ate my next piece I read the wrapper and it said "think of every day as a Sunday" Oh my gosh. I spend most of my day at church on Sunday's and I don't cuss there with the exception of that little dammit in Sunday School that time. I have always searched for the still small voice of God. Today He not only spoke to me LOUD and CLEAR..but He spoke to me through CHOCOLATE!! HOW AMAZING. And.....I haven't cussed since!!!! But it wouldn't hurt to keep praying :)

Storming Mount Suribachi

If you don't know, Mount Suribachi is where the marines planted the American Flag at Iwo Jima. They have a very famous statue of it and it was in all the history books!! I would have never been successful in the military. All that conformity. Not to mention the bad fashion choices. Yet I continue to storm the mountain, with no reinforcements and armed with nothing more than my sense of righteous indignation. At least in the military they have a PLAN before battle. A strategy as it were. Not me, I just storm the mountain with no thought to the consequences, no plan, just my overwhelming desire to see my flag of righteous indignation planted there. I have always been a champion of the underdog (even when he didn't need or want my help). So when I see wrongs (or perhaps better said, what I PERCEIVE as wrongs) I pull out my flag and start storming the mountain. Old generals react from their gut instincts and years of battle experience, but they still have to get approval before they undertake the mission. I never think to get approval, I just roll with my gut. As I get older, the mountain gets harder to climb and the flag I carry seems heavier. I doubt that is the case. Perhaps I am just realizing that I need a plan. That not everything has to be a battle. That if I let the Lord be my general I won't have to fight near as hard or as often. That my sense of "righteous indignation" is mired in what I want and what I think is right instead of what God deems right. Petty little battles is about all it amounts to. And unnecessary chaos left behind. I have to stop marching to the beat of what I want, and what I think, and what I need and perhaps focus more on what God wants and what He thinks and what He needs me to do. I wouldn't have been good in the military. But the Shelton regiment isn't working so well either. Perhaps I should retire my flag and join a new outfit. So today is my enlistment day!! Here I am Lord, reporting for duty. And thanks for not making me wear an unflattering uniform!

Monday Morning Musings

The weekend was great but went so fast. Are you kidding me. It seems like I just left this place. I am teaching the Progressive Era and not having any progress. Pun intended. I just cannot seem to motivate the kids to be excited about this era in history. In fact, I had a student put his head down and I thought to myself, man I wish I could do that. Teaching is an honorable institution but who wants to be in an institution? I think more and more that in May of 2012 I can leave this profession and not have to but up with the beaurecratic bullshingles that permeate every aspect of education. But then I think, I know that God gave me this talent (its the only one I have by the way) and I know that He wants me to use it. I know that besides teaching students the subject matter, that I am reaching some of them (not nearly enough) on a spiritual level. What will happen if I leave? Will there be another place for me to serve or will I just go home and do nothing. While the latter sounds like heaven on earth to me, I wonder what God would have me do? I am afraid to ask as His answer might be "stay". My job gets harder every year. Kids are changing and not for the better. This old nasty now and now is getting nastier. Nothing I do seems relevant any longer. Several of my "former" students were involved in a murder a few weeks back. A young woman who graduated with my daughter last year past away last week. She was unmarried and 7 months pregnant. Just died. My kids have been in jail, see a probation officer and are court ordered to come to school. How good does retirement sound now? Exactly. I know God has a plan I just wonder if He has met my students?

Is there anything you miss about the Catholic Church?

This question prompted by my discussion with my mom today that I did not want her to send money to people to pray for her because she was losing her hair. Stop laughing, I am serious. A novena (as well as I can remember is like a prayer cluster) and you don't have to pay for it but usually when you request it there is a "donation" envelope involved. I had no idea how angry I was at the Church and the lies that I had been told growing up. Correction, not lies, really no information at all. Being born in the Bronx, aka "little Italy", my family is the epitome of Catholicism. My brothers were altar boys, we all went to parochial school ( fancy name for church or private) and mass was a constant in our lives. Along of course with confession which now they call something more "user friendly". I saw the term on my mom's catholic newsletter today and can't remember what it is but at the time I thougth what the....? Anyway, I was a child in confession A LOT because I never felt like I measured up and just "hoping" that I got to heaven seemed more than a little unreliable. So, I never read the Bible, never prayed to anyone other than a priest, and was very frightenend of what I believed to be an angry, wrathful, omnipotent God. I never prayed unless someone "led" me and then I just bowed my head and closed my eyes while we prayed for world peace or the upcoming church festival instead of intimate, personal needs and fears and desires that only God can handle. So today when my mom wanted prayer for her hair....all of that just kind of came spewing out of my mouth. Not the Christian thing for me to do and something that I am not proud of as my mom is a deeply spiritual woman who clings to her faith. Now I had the privilege of leading my mom to the Lord months back but Catholicism is something that never goes away. Those teachings are deeply ingrained in your and it is hard to turn lose. I still suffer from "spiritual guilt" which was something I was taught in Catholic school. Some people find comfort in the ritual of it. Not me. So after another outburst in which I declared that there was no such thing as purgatory (after all, I was on a roll)and she needed no one but Jesus to get to God and that the Church had lied to me my whole life she said, " Is there anything you miss about the Catholic church?" And I adamantly said NOT ONE THING!! She looked shaken at that and more than a little sad. How can she still cling to a religion that doesn't even know that she exists. She sat faithfully in the same pew for 30+ years and gave financially and NO ONE comes to see her. No one knows who she is or that she is there. How can that be? Am I angry because of what they did to me or to what they are doing to her? She is hurt and it makes me angry. We are to love one another and more so the widows and the children. She is 87 and faithfully keeps up with church news, with the bulletin and still receives those novenas that offer to pray for her "for free" with a donation envelope included. Yet, they do not know who she is. They don't come and offer her the sacraments that they believe are vital to one going to heaven. So, it is like she is forgotten by her faith. Is there anything I miss about the Catholic church? I miss that I missed out. That I never knew that I could get to heaven without a priest. I miss that I had to wait 36 years to come to the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. I miss.....I miss my mom. She is still here but the years have not been kind to her physically. She is so sharp mentally but even that is starting to fail. I love her and feel bad that I may have inadvertenly hurt her today. But I know this I do not miss being a Catholic and all that goes with it. And as for her hair, I am going to buy her vitamins.

Technologically Handicapped

My friend Wendi informed me this week that she was blogging. I viewed hers and thought this is the thing for me. Well that was two days ago and after about 10 hours of computer time (not consecutive, I do have a life) I am up and running. So who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks? I am excited about "blogging" as I have love to write my whole life. Always dreamed I would write a book. Perhaps if I string enough blogs together...? Would that classify as a short story? Had many things to post but the set up wore me out!!!