Teacher Talk

WEIRD WEEK AHEAD...

2011-01-30T17:16:00.006-06:00

I am sort of dreading this week but at the same time not really. On Thursday, February 3rd, my mom would have been 90. We had already planned the party she was going to have. I had notified family back in the summer to make sure that everyone was here to mark the milestone. Mom, who normally never wanted a "fuss", had said "yes we should do this. I mean how many people do you know who live to be 90?" And then as EVERY year on her birthday she added "as long as I can have my family together that is all that matters." So I began letting people know. And now she won't be here. EVERY year for as long as I can remember the last weekend in January I go to Wal-Mart and buy birthday cards for mom, my brother John (his is the 4th), anniversary card for George (it is the 3rd also), Valentine cards for mom, Katie AND George and always leave feeling ahead of the game. I did it again yesterday but left minus HER cards. Felt weird. Last night or should I say early this morning I dreamed of mom for the first time since she died. It was so real. And in the dream the only words she spoke to me were " I missed my mom alot too." And she did. And I miss her A LOT and the grief has diminished but the feeling of "missing her" has not.

Also this week I will celebrate 33 years with George and I am proud and thrilled about that. Just know it will also be on my mom's birthday. Don't want to take away from the day but at the same time just.........I don't know and am suffering writer's block trying to convey my thoughts. I know this, I love George and am PROUD that we have been together through it ALL....just like "not many people live to be 90" not many people stay married anymore. So I don't want to take ONE THING away from him but am not dumb enough to believe that the day won't be hard.

THEN tomorrow the department heads are meeting before school because of a suicide this weekend from one of our former students. We need to "have a plan" in case it impacts our kids/campus. And it probably will. So frustrating that we old folks are doing everything we can to live and our young people just willy nilly take their lives. Teen suicide just makes me angry and I have seen too much of it in 25 years of teaching...so there is that. Me,grieving, a parent who had lived a long full life while there is a mother somewhere in town grieving the life of a child who had so much to live for.

ON Saturday I will attend a retirement seminar to see what all is involved in removing myself from my profession. That is going to be weird as well. Am looking forward to retirement, but at the same time teaching has been all I have known for my adult life. I am excited about doing something new but at the same time, there is comfort in the familiar.

And through all of this I wish mom were here for me to tell and talk to and question.

So, John's birthday, mom's, our anniversary, and a look to the future to round out the week. Like I said, weird week ahead. Wish me luck...I am going to need it.

"Seasons Change and So Did I"

2010-11-16T10:13:00.006-06:00

That song lyric came to me as I realized I am sad today. Not down, not depressed just Webster's dictionary sad. I have come to several conclusions about me and my life that aren't easy to face or admit. First I have come to the conclusion, and it is not earth shattering by any means, that real friends are just hard to find. I have lost several in the last year. And by lost I don't mean to death. I think that would be easier. To know that they are no longer in your life because they are no longer here. In fact, I don't mean lost at all. I mean that I have come to realize that they (and some of them I have considered "friends" for years) are not and haven't really ever been my friend. They have liked me, hung out with me, called me, shared things with me but it was all very temporary and usually all done at their convenience or my insistence. So basically not friends at all. I have two friends that I worked with who went on to bigger and better things and we still stay in touch, email on occasion, and face book. When we talk, it is like no time has gone by and if I ever need either one of them they will be there. Those are friends. Others who live right here in town and are in contact with me just sort of interact with me if time allows it or they are in the mood for it which by the way they usually aren't. I am sad about it because the people who fall into this category I have really truly loved and cared for. It is not easy to admit that perhaps they don't feel the same way for whatever reason. And because "friends" have always been an integral part of my life and who I am, I am sad about this. It is time to move beyond these people and quit trying to make them into something that they are just never going to be.
Second, I have come to the conclusion that no matter how frustrating and even infuriating it is at times, I need to be thankful for my job. I mean there are many people out there with no job. And for the most part I get to do something that I believe GOD created me to do and that is teach. Yes students are different and the administration, well I will just leave that alone, but I have employment and it helps pay the bills and put food on my table. So I am going to quit griping about it. I am going to, instead, try to be grateful. AND I am going to retire as soon as I hit the mark. It is not in my nature to "back down" from a fight when I see things that I know in my heart to be wrong but in the long run I don't see it making any difference (except to maybe make ME feel better) so I am going to just do my job and wait my time.
Third, I seem to be in a season of loss. Loss of my mom, my friends, joy in my work, and the ability to handle disappointments. But the seasons change and perhaps so have I. Perhaps it is not a bad thing. Perhaps these things that are making me sad NEED to go. The song says it best "seasons change and so did I, you need not wonder why."

Getting My Laughter Back

2010-09-13T11:42:00.004-05:00

As most of you know, my mom passed away recently and even though she was 89, for us, and I believe for her, it was really and truly totally unexpected. For the 11 days leading up to her death and for the 5 weeks now since..I seem to have lost my laughter. I am a "laugher" (is that even a word?) by nature because I am basically immature and laugh at just about any and every thing. I also crack myself up quite often so laughing is something that is a constant with me. My mom loved my laugh/smile more than anything else about me and I am sure she would not be happy about the fact that I seem to have misplaced it. I mean I have laughed some since July 25th but not much of it has been that deep belly hysterical laughter that is such a staple in my life. Don't misunderstand....I am not walking around with a cloud over my head and I still manage to be witty and sarcastic but let's be real...that only brings laughter to others...and I of course am all about entertaining my friends!! But I need a good hard long belly laugh to "restart" that part of me that seems so sad now. So send me corny jokes, fart when you are with me, (told you I was immature) or say something like "wiener" when you mean hot dog and maybe we can get me back on track. Any and all help would be greatly appreciated :0)

Time...Slippin' Through My Fingers

2010-06-22T13:13:00.002-05:00

Just look at her. Go ahead, take a good long look. Is she not the cutest thing EVER? Twenty years ago almost to the minute that I am writing this Dr. Herbert held this little girl in front of my face and said "here you go, it's a Katie Rae". I remember saying "she's not very cute" and his reply was "yeah well she doesn't think too much of you either". Okay let me clarify. I had just undergone a C-section, had a little difficulty, and was somewhat medicated and Dr. Herbert her pediatrician was already in love with her. Still is to this day as a matter of fact. As is EVERYONE who comes in contact with her. She is fun, reliable, dependable, extremely independent, stubborn, opinionated, sympathetic, witty, talented, and yes at times mean. I am proud of her. I love her so much and now today as I write this she is no longer a teen. And as the song goes "I look at her and see time slippin' through my fingers." Where did it all go and how did this little girl grow up overnight? She will be moving into her "own" place two weeks from Thursday. She has her life mapped out and is taking the steps needed to reach her destination. When I was twenty I didn't know if I was washing or hanging out most of the time. But not Katie Rae. Determined is the word that describes her best. My heart is a little heavy today as I realize that even though she will ALWAYS be our "little girl", she is not a little girl anymore. Happy Birthday Miss Katie, may today and everyday be everything you hoped for.

Shelton Memorial Vet Clinic AND Animal Shelter

2010-05-03T11:19:00.002-05:00

Remember the goat George saved running down the road at rodeo? Or the sick frozen cat that I wrapped up in my mom's FAMILY blanket for it to ride to the pound in comfort as they most likely put it to sleep after I had TRIED to feed and care for it for a week? Or the dog down the street that is German Shepherd size that the owners have chained out in the yard with a Chihuahua sized dog house that George went and gave them a big one and they finally UNCHAINED the animal and built it an enclosure. OR the TWO dogs next door that I feed, water (even bought them a self water dish) and gave them a dog house because their owners don't even know they exist? AND last week I discovered they (my non-dogs) had ticks so I went to the SPCA free give away and doctored them AND got them flea collars........well all of that to say this. Saturday as I am limping around with a "slight" case of food poisoning (and by that I mean enough to make me feel HORRIBLE) I went to check the mail and saw two white guineas eating in my neighbors flower bed. There was a garage sale across the street and I asked it they belonged to anyone over there and of course the answer was no. I went and got George as our cat decided she was in for a HUGE buffet and we began to try and "corral" them. we got them into our back yard and George caught one and gave it to me as it proceeded to bite the crap out of me I THREW it into a dog kennel we had and locked the door. Well Petey was out side and he was going berserk so I am running around trying to get him all the while wishing I could vomit. Well the second one flew into the pool and with George screaming at me to "get it" I grabbed it, as it threw water all over me, bit me HARD and then shat (yes that is the correct verb) it shat all over me and I dropped it and my husband in his infinite wisdom said "why in the hell did you let it go?" I am considering an attorney at this point. Anyway, we caught it finally and delivered them (the smell in my Tahoe was terrible) to my brother and sister in laws' in Christoval who have guineas along with EVERYTHING else. So I asked George "we weren't the ONLY people who SAW these birds. What does everyone else do?" He said, "they look they other way or they just don't care." So, I am going to put one of those big red crosses on my roof since I seem to be the way station for EVERY animal in trouble within a one hundred mile radius. Good news is.........birds are happy......and so am I for saving them. They wouldn't have lasted the night.

WHAT HAPPENED??!

2010-04-23T10:21:00.006-05:00

What happened? I mean seriously...what happened? Katie moved to ASU into a dorm, then to Lubbock into a dorm and then wanted to move into an apartment in August and NOT come home this summer. THEN no apartment, but a house and quite possibly A HOUSE BY HERSELF.......NO ROOMMATES...NO ONE BUT HER!!! And now NOT in August but IN JUNE!! What is happening??? So now we are looking at ANOTHER deposit, furniture AND her tuition and books for summer school and instead of having three months to get ready we have ONE!! Let me say again... What happened??? And then last night she informed me that she had found a person there that sells Mary Kay so she is going to buy some which has always been what I did for her with my person here. Don't get me wrong I don't want to buy her make-up but it just felt like ONE MORE THING!!! What happened? I'll tell you what I think...........she just GREW UP OVERNIGHT. Wants to be independent and live truly on her own... I am okay with that I guess but it is just SO SUDDEN. Makes me wonder what happened? Is that how it works for everyone? Did my mom wake up one day and say "what happened?" Does everyone?? I mean is that how it happens........I am truly overwhelmed..........a house AND make-up!!

Sergio

2010-04-08T11:21:00.008-05:00

I believe that God made me a teacher. That is the talent that I have and I am not being arrogant when I say I am quite good at it. I give God the glory because I do it through Him giving me the ability. Contrary to popular belief, not EVERYONE or ANYONE can teach. But I digress.
I treat students the way I want to be treated and try to teach them history but more than that I try to teach them to be informed, responsible, and productive citizens upon their graduation or GED or whatever. They don't all finish but I STILL try to teach them how to survive and be an asset to their community as adults. To teach them to try to be all that they can.

Which brings me to Sergio. I got a letter today at school from the jail. It was from Sergio, a former student of mine. He is at least 22, maybe older. He was a hardcore gangster but I always loved him and saw his potential. He had a great personality and was smart. The letter started out with how I had always treated him with respect and had never judged him. He went on to say that I had made a difference in his life and that he knew I would be disappointed in him. He then proceeded to tell me he had been sentenced to five years and only had to serve 2 years and six months. But he had credit for five months served so it wouldn't be so bad. I am liking this letter up to this point. THEN he wrote that family and friends could write a "letter" that he would be okay on the "outside" and he might could get out earlier. And would I mind doing that? Okay..........with ALL OF THAT SAID...Sergio is in jail for TWO COUNTS of AGGRAVATED ASSAULT WITH A DEADLY WEAPON. Seriously???

So I AM writing a letter. But NOT to the parole board!! I am writing to Sergio to say that this isn't jaywalking or "whoops my bad I took some gum from Town and Country'. That this is a serious offense and regardless of the circumstance he has been found guilty by a jury of his peers. And I will reiterate what I do in class all the time...talk to him about life lessons, and choices and that he made a bad one for which he will have to pay. What was he thinking? Not only in committing this crime but in thinking that I would try to help him bypass the system. You win some...you lose some........he lost and evidently so did I in trying to reach this young man........the road keeps getting harder and harder it seems...........for all of us!!

Jumprope

2010-03-30T14:14:00.015-05:00

I fancy myself a runner. I am a member of a running club. I participate in community runs monthly and my niece and I run twice a week 5 miles both days. I also fancy myself to be somewhat physically fit. I don't smoke (been quit 20 or more years) and I don't drink AT ALL. I am a lifetime member of weight watchers and though I do not weigh what I would like, I am not overweight. Well just a FEW pounds. So...yes.... I consider myself not only healthy but heart healthy and a small time athlete. Yes I do. Or should I say I DID??? Since I hurt myself and had to lay off running for two weeks I was surprised at how much my cardio had diminished . My niece plays in a tennis league twice a week so not to be "outdone" I decided to do something "else" also on the days we don't run. I am, after all, very competitive. I mean I am an athlete!! And I decided that I would jump rope. I remember telling Christi what an expert I was in jumping rope when I was in ELEMENTARY school. And how I could jump forever so it would be no biggie and it was good for you. First clue as to what I was getting myself into should have been when the ropes weren't located in "toys" but in "sporting goods". Add to that the fact that there were MANY kinds from which to choose. They even had one with weighted handles which I scooped right up. Did I mention my expertise at jumping the rope? And that I am an athlete? So I decide that I was going to START with thirty minutes. After all, I run for a little under an hour twice a week so seriously??? How hard can this be?? My niece (who wants to see me live to be older than I am currently) said you should just start at ten minutes. As you can see, she is skeptical of my athletic abilities. So, on Sunday I grabbed the rope and nonchalantly told my husband "I'm going to put some music on and jump rope in here for thirty minutes or so and then am going to take a shower." REALLY!! Just as casual as that!!! So I put on some pretty rhythmic music and started to jump. About THIRTY SECONDS LATER when I was FOR SURE I was having a minor cardio infarction (and yeah, its infarction not infraction, who knew?) I threw the rope down and went and got a drink of water. I thought to myself this cannot be right so I tried again. After ANOTHER thirty seconds or so, I went outside and had George feel my heart, which was not necessary, as you could SEE it POUNDING in my chest THROUGH MY SHIRT. What is going on? So I tried again (two more times with a break in between). When the whole horrible ordeal was over I figured all total I had jumped rope for about TWO MINUTES!! Well, I drug my athletic body to take a shower and then my shin splints, calves, thighs and glutes all began to ache, not to mention the headache that was starting to develop right behind my eyes!!!

So I have not jumped rope since. It lays there on the table mocking me. So, today I will run and BOOST my ego about my athletic abilities and TOMORROW I will face the rope and in time, grasshopper, I will MASTER THE ROPE. Who would have thought that jump roping was such a hardcore exercise? I know that boxers do it and now I know why. After doing it Sunday I FELT LIKE HITTING SOMEONE ALSO!!!

Does Anybody Stay In One Place Anymore?

2010-03-11T14:55:00.007-06:00

I never had any desire EVER to NOT live in San Angelo. I think probably because I got married right out of high school (almost) and divorced right after that. (yeah bad judgement) But I also think it was because my mom was here and I wanted to be where she was. She was strict when we were growing up but we were still close. Sure I hated her like all teenage girls do (right?) but that was just part of growing up. I could depend on my mom. And my family also. We were small but close. So I never lived anywhere but here. Never really went anywhere and was perfectly happy. A large number of people I graduated with no longer live here either. They have for the most part stayed in Texas but a few have ventured out of state. As I look at kids that I taught years ago, most of them aren't here anymore either. They live in cities and in other states. And Katie has NO DESIRE to live in San Angelo. In fact, I think some of the appeal of going to Tech is that it wasn't IN San Angelo. She gets homesick but it is for her dad and I, not for San Angelo. So, I wonder.........what made them/makes them want to leave? Is it their jobs? Is it opportunity? More money? Military? Spouses? And while all of that makes sense to me what about their families? I guess I was just surprised that so many people from different generations left their "hometown". And many haven't been back. All of my brothers but one left as well. It will be weird not having Katie in the same town. But all of our other kids left also except for one. And none of them ever seem to miss being here. The more I write this the more I realize that no one stays in one place anymore. Except for me. Not sure how I feel about that........

FACEBOOK

2010-03-05T09:19:00.009-06:00

Wow I have been on face book for almost two weeks now and have learned A LOT about people. And I don't mean that like it sounds. First, let me put a disclaimer...........I like face book... ALOT!!
I have reconnected with people that I went to high school with that I haven't talked to in literally 20 years or more. I have reconnected with former students who made my early teaching days the BEST of my career. And I have gotten to SHARE my family and the things I have done with people who used to be an every day part of my life. It is a good thing. HOWEVER, yes dear reader you knew this was coming, it is NOT a good thing for people who don't realize what it is and what it is for. For instance, there are people who post every single detail, emotion, and activity of their day...all day...every minute.........oh my gosh and then there are those who make "mystery" posts..........just a sigh or a smiley face or a sad face so that people will ask and ask and ask what is wrong. I mean clearly face book is a narcissists DREAM!!! And the enablers like it a lot too I imagine....And the whole friend request thing?? I have people who barely know me or barely knew me or didn't even LIKE me that now want to be friends with me! I know that "didn't even like me" sort of made you pause, right? trying to imagine that? but alas it is true. And once they ask to be your friend they have NO CONTACT with you whatsoever?? I have a "friend" on FB that I have known since elementary school and I have messaged her, chatted her and commented her and she has yet to respond ONE TIME. I believe that I am just part of her "how many friends can I have on face book quest". But all in all, the good outweighs the bad. It is those drama-filled, needy, insecure people that make it sort of a bummer and I have decided to delete them and I am pretty sure they won't even notice. But as I said, for the most part, it is cool and I am a little "addicted" but feel sure that will pass in time. And if I become an obsessed FB fan who bores you with EVERY piece of minutia of my life feel free to comment and tell me to "get a grip". And I will be grateful.................OR I will delete you :o)

What's the Deal with Young Women Today?

2010-02-24T12:13:00.006-06:00

Man we just never grow up do we? And I think this applies to women more than men. It just seems like so many YOUNG women today and by that I mean late 20's, early to mid-30's, married WITH children are CONSUMED with drama. Everything that happens to them is the absolute WORST and they want to talk and talk and talk about it. And make sure everyone knows. I don't know that it is a sign of immaturity so much as perhaps flat out narcissism. It is all about ME!!! I have a sick child..poor ME! My husband lost his job...poor ME! I have too much to do (that I VOLUNTEERED for) poor ME!! It is this " look at me! look at me!"phenomenon that has me puzzled. Is that what my daughter is going to aspire to when she becomes a young wife and mother? I know that in high school you are SUPPOSED to think it is all about you. But as an adult with responsibilities? And most of their peers enable this by commiserating with them and encouraging their drama and offering their most profound sympathy so that when it is THEIR turn the "victim" will do the same for them. I just see such a different mindset in women today. I know of young women who think the definition of being a STRONG woman today means simply that she is a BITCH!! And let me tell you there is no strength in that. Today we are whiny, needy, insecure, individuals who want the world to know about EVERY DETAIL of our lives. Or we are hateful, demanding, and disloyal. I think of my mom, part of what history calls the "great generation" and her quiet strength and ability to stand up for her and her beliefs and her ability to stand quietly by and let someone make a fool of themselves instead of always having to be "right". I think of her refusing to "air her dirty laundry" and to keep "private" matters just that. I hope she instilled some of that in me. I am far from being the woman my mom is but as I age I see changes in me that are definitely for the better. But when I was a "young woman/mom/housewife" I was most certainly not what I see today. If for no other reason than my mom taught me better. I hope I passed that on to my daughter. And if not, I plan on starting. Perhaps I am just too old to have YOUNG friends?

Into the Wind at 53

2010-02-19T10:03:00.004-06:00

Yesterday was my birthday. It was also Thursday which is the day we run. Earlier in the week, on our Tuesday run, I barely made it. Weather was beautiful, low humidity, NO wind. But I finished 4 minutes behind my niece when we usually finish within a minute of each other if that. When she passed me on the way back with a look of concern on her face I shrugged and shouted that I didn't know what my problem was or why I was so slow. By the time I made the turnaround and came back I felt like my legs weighed as much as Apollo Ono's (without the strength) and that I was having a pretty good asthma attack (and I don't have asthma!). That night I self-diagnosed myself with the onset of bronchitis. BUT I didn't want to go to the doctor because they would tell me (like they did last time) NO running for 7-10 days. WELL that is not a possibility as this Saturday is the last run in a SERIES of three. And if you run ALL THREE you receive the shirt that says you have completed the trail run. I have completed one that was in the rain (the entire race) and the other that went straight up the mountain out at the spillway and yes if you are running along with 60 or more people up a rocky incline that is only about 2 feet wide IT IS A MOUNTAIN!!! So there is NO WAY I am not going to FINISH and that is what a doctor's visit would amount to. Well I felt better the next day and not so bad Thursday. BUT, as we were running yesterday afternoon, I felt that old familiar leaden feeling settling in and breathing was a problem. NOT TO MENTION that yesterday the winds were out of the south (which is the direction we run for the first 2.5 miles) at TWENTY MILES an hour. I freaking hate the wind sick or well. But as I decided that I COULDN'T do the full run, I realized that I had turned 53 that day and being out on the road AT ALL was huge and that I needed to finish if for no other reason than it was my birthday. And the best gift I could give myself was to finish the course. And I did. Not as slow as the previous run but not as fast as normal either. Sort of in between. Which is where I feel like I am right now in my life. In between. Not old but certainly not young. And every day I feel as though I am pushing into the wind. But if I learned anything yesterday, it was that no matter how hard the wind of your life is blowing, if you just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and your eye on the finish line, you can do it. I did!!!

Odors of the Evening

2010-02-17T09:38:00.006-06:00

When we were younger we were ALWAYS outside. No matter the time of day, we played. As we got older and were in junior high and high school we were still outside just not playing. Usually sitting in or on our parents cars (not everyone got a car when they got a drivers license) or on the front porch or sometimes out on the curb and just talking. Almost every day, every evening. And as we sat there we could smell the scent of supper in the air. If someone was frying chicken (yeah back then it was NEVER bought) or someone was grilling something, we would sit there and smell and would pretty much know what everyone in the area was eating that night. The aroma was heavenly and prevalent throughout the neighborhood since everyone had screen doors and central heating and air conditioning were unheard of (except for the very "rich"). To this day if I am outside at "evening" time, I will sniff the air and think, "they're barbecuing, or they are frying something, or on a cold day - they have their fireplace lit." It just makes me remember a time when life was simpler, doors were open, kids were outside playing, and mom's were in the kitchen cooking supper that we were all going to eat TOGETHER around the table as we talked about our day. Of course the neighborhoods are not full of evening aromas anymore like they used to be. People stay in their homes with their doors shut, they buy take out or don't eat at home, or mom cooks but everyone eats at different times. But when I catch a whiff of someones supper, it takes me back to those evenings, sitting outside, waiting to be called in to "wash your hands" and sit down to a meal that I had been smelling and anticipating all day. Mom's home cooked meals.....they were a staple of my childhood.....they were delicious........and I miss them.

TOP TEN PEOPLE "TYPES" THAT I PERSONALLY HAVE NO USE FOR

2010-02-10T11:16:00.007-06:00

These aren't people who do these things occasionally because we are all probably guilty but these are the people who this is WHO THEY ARE ALL THE TIME!!! In order of most irritating with ten being the least and one being the worst. These are my top ten most irritating people:
10. "close talkers" - (the ones who get RIGHT in your face and no matter how much you back up they continue to lean in)
9. "screamers" aka "loud talkers" (and yes I tend to be loud sometimes but ones who have NO VOLUME control whatsoever)
8. "one-uppers" - no matter what you have done or has happened to you they have done it also or had it happen to them and always bigger or better (even if what has happened to you is bad)
7. "know it alls" - yep, no matter what the subject they know all about it or if it is a person they know them or worse are related (seven times removed)
6. "mature" people- not wise or aged but think they are mature because they have no sense of humor
5. "scaredy cats" - talk a big talk (in private) but won't stand up for others or even themselves
4. "whiners" - constant blather about how "it's not fair"/ "how come so and so doesn't have to/or gets to" (cry babies if you will)
3. "needy" - need to be constantly reassured about EVERYTHING from am I doing okay to are you okay to are we okay? (also known as could you please make me feel good about myself every day all the time)
2. "perfect parents of perfect children" - my child is NEVER wrong (even though they are called into the office EVERY DAY or SET FIRE to something)
AND THE NUMBER ONE "TYPE" THAT I HAVE NO USE FOR?
The one that read this and fits ONE or MORE of the first nine and WILL NOT SEE THEMSELVES!!!

Global Warming, Carbon Footprints, and Plastic

2010-02-08T11:41:00.009-06:00

I am a litterbug!! Yes, I am!! Not constantly but sometimes I throw stuff out the window. Okay, I almost ALWAYS throw stuff out of my window. If I remember to get a trashbag at the carwash then I will use it but alas, with my dementia, that hardly ever happens. So, yeah, I throw it out. I mean, hey, my car is clean and I don't want that crap in it. Which leads me to the whole SAVE THE EARTH campaign. I think we are probably supposed to save the SOULS of the earth by telling them about Jesus Christ as their Lord and Saviour but I don't know about all that other. You see, I believe that God created the world in six days. I believe that. I also believe that God will destroy the earth in HIS time at the appointed hour. I believe this because the Bible tells me so. (I think they wrote a song with that exact line in it!) I DO NOT believe that God is in heaven ON HIS THRONE walking around with His head in His hands shouting "oh the plastic, the plastic!!" I do not believe He is frantic about smog or gas emissions nor do I believe that He is organizing the angels for a benefit concert to raise money to try to fix the a hole in our ozone!!! He created this earth and I believe that He will destroy it just like He said. I DO NOT believe that we, as mere humans, can interrupt His plan in any way shape form or fashion. Yes, litter is ugly (especially so in my car) and smog and air pollution is dangerous to breathe, and yeah the seasons they seem to be changing. BUT, if you read the Bible, HE told us this was going to happen. He told us these would be signs of the end times (not smog or litter but the earthquakes, tsunami's, and weird weather). In fact, the FACT that He doesn't even MENTION plastic or the ozone comforts me even more. I cringe when I hear someone say "we need to save Mother Earth". Really? The Earth is a mother? How do we know that? Was there DNA testing done? And when I go to the grocery store I want plastic bags and no I don't throw them out the window to snag the trees (that is just stupid, they have groceries in them). If you carry your groceries INTO your house how do those bags get outside anyway? I use them to carry my lunch to school where the bag goes into the trash and I stuff a bunch under my sink to put in my bathroom trash cans. HEY that's called RECYCLING!!! Pardon me while I run out and hug a tree!!! Besides, picking up trash gives the criminally inclined a job when they go to jail so I am also helping provide jobs and boosting the economy and I KNOW people are concerned about that!!! Just trying to do my part!!

32 Years Ago Today

2010-02-03T14:20:00.006-06:00

I married the man of my dreams. Okay, he probably wasn't EXACTLY the man I had always dreamed of back then but he was close and today I love him even more and he is EXACTLY what I have always wanted and needed. We haven't always had an easy road to travel but we stayed the course and all these years later our journey together continues. NO ONE will ever love me like George does and he is the air I breathe.........I am blest!!!

89 Years Ago Today

2010-02-03T08:02:00.007-06:00

A remarkable woman was born. My mom. She was raised to poor parents who worked as tenant farmers. They literally lived on the land (in tents) and ate the fruit of their labor. She and her siblings went to school part of the year but were pulled when the crops came in. Every extra hand was needed as they were paid by the crop they were able to harvest. Her father was a cowboy. The real life "gunsmoke/bonanza" type. No education but could break a horse and rope just about anything. A quiet stern man who believed that his wife should be obedient and that his children should be seen and not heard. Her mother never learned to read or write (having been born in 1900 in a time when women, especially poor ones, had "no need" for such nonsense). She had one brother and two sisters and they lived a simple life. They were very close (due to my grandmother) and even though life was hard, there was love aplenty. My mom never went to school past the 8th grade. She married a dashing young Italian soldier and moved to New York to live with his family and give him four children. They lived the "typical" (as seen in the movies) Italian life, complete with a family compound, controlling matriarch and a husband who had a constant mistress. Ultimately she gathered her strength and as a single mom (back when divorce was RARE) with no education and very little money she came home to Texas and never looked back. She worked double shifts as a waitress and ultimately learned to drive. She raised four kids in a two bedroom/one bath home. In the early years the going was hard and they were poor. So poor that a neighbor offered to adopt her only little girl so that it would ease the financial burden. (not to mention the fact that the child was "adorable") And by the way, she kept the child!!! She eventually got on at General Telephone and worked her way to a middle class job. By that time her older kids were grown and her younger ones were in high school. In time, the house got paid for and she bought herself a new car (first one in her life) and started "fixing" up the house. We were in high cotton (which a tenant farmer knows means good crop and $$$$) She ultimately retired from that company with many friends. Her kids all "made good" and she is proud of them. She is still as sharp as a tack but her body has failed her through crippling osteoporosis and osteoarthritis. She placed HERSELF in a nursing home and is loved by the clients and the staff. She checks on and takes care of what she calls "the little old people" where she lives. She has a strong faith and throughout our growing up I NEVER knew we were poor. I knew we didn't have as much as other kids but it never felt bad to me. Most of her immediate family and close friends are gone. Yet she loves life and cherishes each day. EVERYTHING about me that is good, decent, kind and fair, came from my mom. She taught me so much and continues to do so even now. I respect her. I admire her. AND I love her VERY MUCH. Happy Birthday Mom............you are amazing!!!

My Favorite Things

2010-01-13T11:16:00.012-06:00

Oprah has a show she does yearly (and no I don't watch her) called "My Favorite Things" and usually the audience gets some of her "favorite" things FREE. Her favorites are usually expensive and not practical. And I guess if you are a bizzillionaire, then your favorite things are not the same as those of the "simple" folks. Lately I have been thinking about my favorite things and while these aren't ALL of them and don't include the obvious like family and friends, here are a few:

1) my Ugg boots (even though I have had them a year, they are still in great shape and I would wear them EVERY day INCLUDING summer. They are so warm and so soft and you don't have to wear socks with them and there is something in their design that keep your feet from sweating so no smell. I love them!!!

2) my IPod (it is VERY old and doesn't always work like it is supposed to but I couldn't run without it)

3) running (yeah it is a favorite thing. makes me feel good physically and emotionally and it hopefully will keep me healthy)

4) animals ( I am, after all, the CEO of the Shelton Family Memorial Clinic/Animal Hospital/Humane Society)

5) my snuggie (wish I had invented it........just a piece of fleece with arms, who would have thought?)

6) a good novel (and I have read several in the last three months)

7) feeding the birds (don't ask me why but I can sit on the porch and watch them at the feeder for hours)

8) hunting (and by this I mean sitting in the blind, drinking a sonic diet coke, eating snacks, reading my book, and watching nature all around me)

9) my Ov-Glove (as seen on TV! and to pronouce it make it rhyme) I got it for Christmas and you can wear it on either hand and it is the coolest pot holder type thing EVER!!! and it is cute

10) flannel!!! (nuff said)

SPRING FEVER WITH A WIND CHILL OF 22?

2010-01-11T11:10:00.007-06:00

I am sitting here wearing leggings under my skirt, with my little electric heater blowing on my feet, and a sweater on and I have spring fever. Not a desire for warmer weather but that "I don't want to be at work" sort of fever. And not the "I don't like my job" thing either. You know that feeling that comes with spring? Where you just feel different. You want to be at home. You just want to be outside, or you want to work in the yard, or clean the garage or wash the windows or whatever you do to signal a new season. And spring seems to be the season we always RENEW ourselves. So for some weird reason I am having my spring renewal season right now today. And it is too cold to do any thing about it. I always saw the new year as just another year older and the passing of more time. Maybe because I am older I feel differently. I can't explain the feeling but I am anxious and excited for the new year and what it will bring. Perhaps it will bring an early spring?

RESOLVED!!

2010-01-06T10:05:00.007-06:00

Resolutions. I am of the opinion that people don't really know what they are and what they mean. I think the reason they are hard to keep is because we make unrealistic ones to begin with. I think that resolutions are something that should be an ongoing process and not just something that we start every January 1. I believe that we "resolve" to do things throughout the year, we just don't make a big deal and call it a resolution. And we don't ever think about that goal or issue that we have accomplished and say to ourselves "RESOLVED!!". Camelot is one of my all-time favorite movies. One of the things I love best is that throughout the movie King Arthur is searching for ways to make life better. He is a thinker, a ponderer. And after much thought (and song) he comes up with a solution. He then restates the problem and gleefully shouts "resolved." As I look back on 2009, I realize that many things in my life were "resolved." Things I didn't realize until I began thinking and pondering it. And when I did realize it and began to click them off one by one as being resolved, I felt like Arthur...excited and pleased. So this year dear reader I would encourage you to think back every evening on the day completed and see what you "resolved" that day. And if you must make a list make them realistic. And instead of trying to make a YEAR'S worth, just start with today. As for me............today I plan on

1) updating my blog (resolved)

2) do my job to the best of my ability (partially resolved, 4 classes to go)

3) not curse (partially resolved see above)

4) be positive (again partial)

5) pray (will be resolved when I pillow my head tonight)

6) be thankful (resolved)

7) be healthy (resolved if I can get through lunch with my friends)

8) be a good wife (duh...........sooooooooo resolved)

9) be a good mother (see above)

Not bad to have nine resolutions almost complete and that is just for one day. Which brings me to my last resolution

10) take ONE day at a time (resolved)

It Doesn't Get Any Easier...Why Is That?

2010-01-03T14:35:00.003-06:00

Today started out as any other normal Sunday. Church, Sunday School, out to eat. Came home and helped Katie pack and loaded her car. As I hugged her in her room I was overcome with emotion. Like seriously!!! Katie has been on the road back "home" to Lubbock for about an hour and I have FINALLY gotten myself together enough to talk about it. Her daddy of course is snoring happily away on the couch and has been since before she reached the city limit sign. What is it about men? (whole other blog) Anyway, she came late and left early because she has to work or wanted to or volunteered or whatever. She is going back to work and while I am proud of her work ethic and the fact that full time work right now fills her coffers and therefore mine as well, I hate that everyone else's child is still here and mine is on the road and going back to a rather large EMPTY dorm and equally empty dorm rooms as no one else has to or will be back until this coming weekend. I am so proud of her. Have I said that? I am. I really really am. AND we had such a good visit. But I think that is part of the problem. Her trips "home" are starting to become just that...........a visit. For her, "home" is Lubbock and while that was our intended goal and yeah we have done our job and should be proud and blah blah blah.....it still makes me sad. And every time she leaves here she takes another piece of herself with her. And yeah that is how it SHOULD BE..........I GET IT!!! So why does it sometime break my heart? I cried (a lot) this time because I couldn't and can't stand the thought of her being up there "all alone." She will be fine but I hated to see her go. She has been out from under my roof since August of 2008 and out of San Angelo since August of 2009 so what is my problem? I don't know and don't care. I just know that the next time I walk out of the room at Regency House after visiting with MY mom... I will wonder if she sometimes feel that bittersweet ache in her heart. That mixture of pride and loss all wrapped up in this incredible package of love and happiness? I have no way of knowing but I know this, next time I go "visit" my mom...I will stay longer and hold her a little tighter. And hopefully, for her, it will feel like home.

Mom? I have something I need to tell you.....

2009-12-14T08:30:00.003-06:00

Okay, thus started the phone call from my 19 year old daughter away at school yesterday. This was followed by "and I don't want you to be mad at me." To be followed by "I really felt like I needed to call you before I did it, but it was 10:30 and I figured you were in my bed and MY ROOMMATES said you wouldn't care!" As I swallowed my heart thinking she had either gotten married, or a tattoo of a big anchor right across her chest, I calmly said, what did you do? She continued with the don't be mad at me mantra and the "this is something I have wanted to do for a long time" excuse while my mind is rushing around every possible scenario and none of them are good. Something she has always wanted to do? Be Britney Spears? OH MY GOD SHE HAS SHAVED HER HEAD AND QUIT WEARING UNDERWEAR??? Finally I not so calmly said WHAT HAVE YOU DONE??? In a quiet voice, came the reply "I pierced my belly button." Oh joy!! Happy Day!! Of all the things it could have been this was it??? I was so relieved. So then I had to hear the entire story and of course she had to confirm and reconfirm the sanitary conditions and follow up care and the promise that she wouldn't let it get infected. And the good thing is.........it's not permanent. I had her tell her daddy who immediately started with the no nose, no lip, no eye, no tongue and no nipple rule. Yeah, he actually said no nipple!! I love that man!!! She assured us she would never and that TATTOOS were out of the question so I am good with that. After all, I keep reminding myself (daily) she is 19 and almost in her 3rd year of college. And she is a good kid. My only concern is that the night she did this I had talked to her earlier around 9 and she had complained that she was bored. School is out and all of her friends will be coming home in the next few days. She, however, is staying until the 22nd so she can work. If she gets lonely or bored then, what should I expect? There had better be no ANCHORS(or sailors for that matter) in her future!!!

Laughter TRULY is the Best Medicine!!!

2009-12-10T13:59:00.003-06:00

Just had lunch with my "bunch" and laughed so hard that I am in the best mood EVER!!! Just has made my afternoon. Hope the sewing machine crew doesn't turn us in!!!

The Old Gray Mare She Ain't What She Used To Be!!

2009-12-09T15:49:00.006-06:00

Okay, so I run every week. Twice a week. And I have hit five miles each day and in the last month my time has gotten really good. So.......I sometimes forget how old I REALLY am!! Yesterday while trying to give my students a "feel" for the Roaring Twenties and what flappers were and how much fun the era was I performed the Charleston. And very well I might add. I performed it so well that I decided to do it again the next class period. And when I was finished with much gusto my knee sort of went.....OW!!!
By the next class period, I was sort of hobbling and by lunch I was barely making the stairs. In the class period FOLLOWING lunch we had a freaking fire drill. Yep, back down the stairs, out to the back forty behind the building, standing around on uneven muddy ground (did I mention that I was in heels) and then back into the building and BACK up the stairs. Okay now I am having a serious knee issue. Went to the trainer after school and it is a POSSIBILITY that ALL I HAVE done is dislocated my knee cap. So, no heels for a few days (I do NOT own a pair of shoes that do not have heels except my tennis shoes and flip flops or my Uggs which I have to wear with jeans)NO RUNNING and ice and ibuprofen and REST!!! YEP, right here at Christmas with a two hour concert at church THREE nights in a row, getting kids ready for semester exams (which requires a lot of walking around the classroom, not to mention the beatings) and Christmas shopping. Had to get permission to wear a wind suit so I could wear tennis shoes. I am SO not wearing tennis shoes with ANY THING else. BUT, the classes that got to SEE me do the Charleston PASSED THE EXAM TODAY WITH FLYING COLORS!!!! You see, I forget that I am old(er)!! I truly do. Bottom line........the old gray mare ain't what she used to be. But she still ain't that bad!!!

EXHAUSTION

2009-12-04T14:16:00.002-06:00

I am sitting here in my classroom FIGHTING to keep my eyes open. I am so sleepy that my head feels like it weights ten pounds. I am showing a film and MOST of my students are watching but a few are sleeping. Wonder if they would notice if I laid my head down as well? I would but am afraid the fire would wake me up!! Been a long week and the end of the semester is rapidly approaching. All of the sudden there is MUCH to do just to get ready to be out for winter break. Not to mention all the Christmas stuff to do in the few remaining days and weeks ahead. Makes me tired just.............zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Brandon Clark

2009-11-25T22:17:00.003-06:00

His long and valiant (and I do mean valiant) struggle is coming to an end. Hospice says he probably won't make the night. I could and will most likely wake up in the morning and this gentle giant will be forever gone from my life. He will always be in my heart but God is calling him home even as I type this. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Someone told me today that if he passes away tonight or tomorrow that "Thanksgiving will forever suck for his family" I don't believe that. As thankful as I am for Brandon and his place in my life, I am most thankful that God is going to end his suffering. That he is going to forever be with his Lord and Saviour. That he is NO LONGER going to have cancer. That his wife and kids can start to heal and remember the love and the laughter and start putting the pain and the suffering behind them. Godspeed my dear friend. I'll see you when I get there. It has been an honor.

Where Are Your Parents?

2009-11-06T15:09:00.011-06:00

I will be the first to say the the MAIN problem with the youth of today is poor parenting. When one thinks of "poor" parenting they think of neglect, no discipline, rules, structure or positive reinforcement. BUT I have come to see that there is another problem running rampant in our society. Babies getting married with parental approval. Kids who have NEVER been on their own, can't make it on the part-time jobs they have while their parents supply EVERYTHING else. Those that either don't have higher educations or haven't finished pursuing their higher education or who just plain have no clue as to what they want to do in life. YET, they are getting married and with not only their parents consent but their BLESSING as well. Seriously?? And what worked for you doesn't mean will work for your child. Back in the day, it was COMMON for people to get married young but those days are not like the 21st century. In fact, it is harder for ESTABLISHED couples of many years to survive these times much less kids in or just out of high school. I see it all the time. And these people expect me to be happy and excited about their upcoming nuptials. I am not talking about the kids that get pregnant and have no thoughts or plans to get married. EVEN THEY know that their "baby daddy" probably isn't their forever someone. And I even tell them that getting married "for the sake of the baby" is a BAD idea. Let everyone have an active emotional and financial role in the pregnancy and the first YEAR of life and IF after all of that they are still together THEN MAYBE start thinking about getting married. But I digress. I am talking about kids from middle class backgrounds, usually with two parents, who are getting married right out of high school. SERIOUSLY!! And the excuse? "My parents did it". Well that doesn't hold water with me. The marriage success rate in America today is 1 out of every 2!!! The average median age for marriage in the United States as of 2008 was 32!! And while 18 seems terribly young to me, 32 seemed terribly old. BUT, the report stated that people from middle class backgrounds were waiting until they had finished school, started a career, and were financially solvent before committing to a lifetime relationship with someone else. And that they expected the same goals for their soon to be partner. Sounds like SOME OF US are getting it right. So yeah I think 18 year olds getting married is ridiculous and their parents are displaying either ignorance or neglect in not only condoning it but in some cases encouraging it. I had someone tell me that one young lady that is getting married at 18 has been dating the young man for a few years. OH OKAY............so since she was what 16? MAKES all the difference. Sign me up as the matron of honor!!! Because see, MY daughter,who is 19 thought she wanted to marry the guy she dated when she was in the EIGHTH GRADE. And then the guy she dated in the NINTH AND TENTH grade was the ONE. AND then the guy she dated her Junior and part of Senior year was SO FOR SURE THE ONE that even HIS parents (both sets) thought they were getting married. (Her daddy and I were FOR SURE they WEREN'T) And this LAST boyfriend...........the one that she dated from 18 THROUGH being 19??? Katie knew in her heart that this was her future forever person. I watched her make silent plans to spend the rest of her life with this young man. UNTIL he broke up with her. And what has ALL of this love found, love lost, taught my daughter? That you will experience all different kinds of people in your life until you find your forever someone. And that you should. That it is healthy and makes you CERTAIN of what you want. And if you are reading this and you married your high school sweetheart or you married young and are still married then congratulations to you. BUT you are the EXCEPTION NOT THE RULE! I guess I am so upset because I heard this week that a young lady with TONS of potential will probably be married by this time next year. She lives at home. She works, goes to school but struggles financially. So getting married is going to fix that how? I have known her quite a while and care for her. I hope she makes it but I have my doubts. This is her ONLY boyfriend and she is BARELY 18!! But there will be excitement, and joy, and plans for her but for me there will be one question............WHERE ARE YOUR PARENTS??? I just don't get it.

TEACHING SCHOOL

2009-11-03T14:46:00.006-06:00

Look at picture............enough said!!!

Bouncing Blonde Ponytail

2009-10-26T10:28:00.003-05:00

I run with my niece every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon. We often run in charity runs on Saturdays as well. She and I were never close as she was growing up. She was born as I was in my last year of junior high and about to embark on my high school journey. I didn't babysit her much and when I did it consisted of her being in bed asleep when I got there and not waking up when I left. My brother wasn't one to let us hold, kiss, coo, or mush on her much if at all. In fact, she hardly ever was held by any of us and rarely stayed with my mom. So when I say we were never close, we really weren't. In fact, there is only one out of five of us that she is close to and they are so close that it is almost like it compensates for all the rest of us. I have always loved her and cared about what happened to her but I haven't really known her at all. Until now. I watch her run as she is always ahead of me and I see that lean body with that easy stride and that bouncing blonde ponytail. In fact, as I run I strain to make sure that I keep it in sight. Not just for safety but because it makes me smile. That bouncing blonde ponytail. The image of a young girl, carefree, running down the trail. We have been running together for almost a year now AND I have gotten to REALLY know her. Not from what she says so much but from how she says it. I feel close to her. I hope she feels the same about me. I know that for an hour every Tuesday and Thursday the most important sight for me.......the one that encourages me to keep moving...........the one that lifts my heart and brightens my spirit......is NOT all the beauty that we encounter down in the park and along the trail. It is that bouncing blonde ponytail!!!

Ordeal OVER!!

2009-10-23T09:03:00.002-05:00

After almost 4 days of crime DRAMA and dealing with police who are NO WAY like they are on CSI, our truck was recovered yesterday!! Tire had to be replaced (it was new) and the front of the vehicle on the hood has some dents and some sort of paint where they ran over mailboxes which also left the license plate hanging off. They stole someone's halloween scarecrow and it is in the back of the vehicle and they left their jacket/shirt in the front. BUT whatever it is back. I had pleaded with my students to have them convince the people who took it (since they knew them) to just have them bring it back or drop it somewhere and call me or call one of them so I could go get it. Well, an "anonymous" caller yesterday (right after the class where I appealed to the students to "do the right thing") called and said where it was. I have learned a lot from this. The law pretty much protects the criminals or at least wants to be 100% sure that their case is winnable or they won't put a lot of work into it. That my students WILL do the right thing if you just help/teach them what it is. And that as violated as I felt........it is just stuff. Once I gave it to the Lord and I mean really just LET IT GO and asked HIM to handle it..........things started happening. I felt HIS hand in it and on me MANY times this week. I am grateful to HIM and to my friends who were horrified, understanding, and happy right along with me through this entire ordeal. Not to mention the ones who did some "sleuthing" of their own through the suspect's neighborhood looking for my vehicle. Friends like that are hard to find. I am truly BLESSED!!!

A MOVING VIOLATION!!!

2009-10-20T11:48:00.004-05:00

One of our work trucks was STOLEN Saturday night. We were home, up, with lights on and DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT. We discovered it as we were leaving for church Sunday morning. For the first time in MY LIFE I was speechless when George announced "they have stolen my truck." I kept looking at the empty space where it should be and thinking "no, it is not stolen, there is a logical explanation for this." After George said, for the THIRD time, "Joyce did you hear me?", I realized that we had been robbed. It was such a surreal feeling and made me scared. Not even mad (that would come later) just creeped out. As the day progressed, I developed a pounding headache that I think came from me trying to "figure out" what had actually happened and WHY!! Yesterday I told all of my classes and one of them had several students who had seen it and even knew who might have it and they TOLD ME and were willing to TELL the police. You have to understand that these are kids who don't trust the law. But they stood up FOR ME. Was so huge.........I was and am so proud of them and grateful to them. BUT.......still no truck. Also found out that TELEVISION IS A LIE!!! Things don't get solved in an hour and there is no desperate race to find the bad guy. Granted it is an OLD plumbing truck but it is MY old plumbing truck and it is important to me. But not so much to anyone else. Heard from the detective today that he had questioned the "suspect" who said that he didn't do it even though I have THREE young ladies who saw him driving it. So, according to the police, they are at a dead end. So the next time you are pulled over for something (unless they have proof like radar) just tell them you didn't do it. Seems to work for the bad guys!!! AND if you see an old white plumbing truck with a big utility bed and tool bins on the back with kids driving it having a great time..............DON'T call the police...........call me!!!

Stuck In Junior High

2009-10-09T12:11:00.007-05:00

As things change the more they remain the same. The Bible says there is nothing new under the sun and truer words were never written. Whatever the circumstances with my friends, in whatever setting, we still have those with that junior high mentality. From people in charge all the way down......it is just drama drama drama. It doesn't help that the people I am working for and most of whom I am working with are 30 or UNDER!!! Are you freaking kidding me? And they CANNOT understand why there is backstabbing, gossip, rumor and innuendo. Well...duh. Welcome to junior high. They are constantly taking sides, pouting, getting their feelings hurt and doing absolutely NOTHING based on professionalism because they are too young to know what that is. They "knee-jerk" react to EVERYTHING and then if they realize that was a bad move they resort to the teen-age response of well "it's not my fault." AARRGGHH!! I have a young lady that I really care about and considered a friend who is no longer speaking to me because SHE supposedly used me and another colleagues name in something and she was questioned about it. No one was mad. Just saying "hey did you do this?" Which by the way I was giving her the benefit of the doubt the ENTIRE TIME!!! So when confronted........she gets mad and not at the person who said this about her but at ME!!! She has not spoken to me since. And that doesn't seem normal behavior for someone who is INNOCENT??? I even tried several times to contact her and assure her that all was well........and guess what? No response.........NONE, ZILCH, NADA!!! She is not speaking to me because??????? And then of course my boss who is about as infantile an individual as I have EVER had the misfortune to be around........words fail me. He did a BAD thing and I reacted accordingly and as of today he has not spoken a word to me for SEVEN weeks. Not that I mind. I do not have time for people that I truly believe are not nice but he IS the boss!! Isn't he supposed to talk to me? And NO, I don't mean as a friend but just in general? I know this........junior high is WAY behind me..........in fact, I can barely remember it!! But for some reason I am being forced to revisit it. EVERY DAY!!!! And of course.........being surrounded by "pre-teens" my sarcasm is so lost on them!!! Wish in junior high I had been as sharp and witty as I am now. But then, alas, they wouldn't have gotten it then either. The drama continues........I know the Lord has me in this specific place at this specific time in my life for a reason. I know nothing happens by accident. But YIKES!! I don't have a reputation for being all nice and sweet and stuff. SHOCKING!! But when I TRY TO it just makes things worse. Whatever.........if I am going to be forever stuck in junior high then I want that body back!!! Because if you think I am hot now.................well..........never mind!!!

What the heck?

2009-10-05T17:29:00.002-05:00

I am just posting this to figure out why my last post didn't allow for comments and left so much blank space? Disregard and read about OUR FAMILY WEEKEND!!!

Family Weekend

2009-10-05T16:30:00.024-05:00

We got to see Katie for the first time in SIX WEEKS!! We went up for the day to see her and go to the game. Her dad was so sweet. He went to Academy on Friday and bought a button down Texas Tech shirt to wear just for the day. He has Tech t-shirts but wanted to "look nice." Now I remember why I married him. He is a softie underneath that "caveman" exterior. She was thrilled to see us and we did all the touristy stuff and then on to the game where it proceeded to RAIN and we were all three UNDER dressed. It only got up to 58 and we took our hoodies and George's jacke off for these pictures. And of course NO UMBRELLAS!! I left mine in the car because I actually BELIEVED the weather man. WHAT?? Thank goodness for those hoodies and George's zip-in hood in his jacket. But it couldn't dampen our spirits. That would come later, AFTER the game. Anyway, they won!!! After going back to her room for her to change and us to "dry" a little, Katie took us back to our car and we were going to stop and grab a quick bite before we came home and of course the Shelton Family curse kicked in. That is just poetic license for saying "the new wore off", "or we weren't quite so glad to see each other anymore" or "what the heck?" She got frustrated because of the road construction, I tried to help (BIG MISTAKE) so she got sassy with me, I got motherly right back and George began to yell at both of us. NICE!! Just like at home!!! By the time we got to where we were going to eat, NO ONE WAS SPEAKING TO EACH OTHER!!! Sigh... just another day in the life of... Seriously it all worked out and we ended on a high note and got on the road home. Except for that little 30-45 minute interval it was GREAT!!! We are just so REAL people (see previous blog). The "television family" were there and I am sure they were dressed appropriately and had rain gear. (not bitter, just saying) Anyway, it was neat to see her in her new environment and how well she is handling everything. It was a good day and I am so proud of her!!

He's Not So "Great" After all

2009-09-25T11:44:00.021-05:00

His dad is a doctor. His mom was a "stay at home" mom when he was little and now works for the dad, I think. The sister is in all sort of theatrical productions and sings. He along with others in the family play one or more musical instruments. They attend church. Not all the time but enough to be known there as members. They all play tennis and even do so as a family. They eat NOTHING that is fried, and the mom doesn't even know HOW to make gravy. They eat fruit salad without sugar, fruit dip, OR cool whip. They have a garden and a swimming pool along with a pool house. They drink wine and allow their kids to and they know which color goes with what meat. They eat a lot of fish and usually it is shrimp or lobster cooked outside by daddy in a "kiss the cook" apron. They take "family" vacations several times a year and one of them is almost always a cruise. Everyone speaks in a calm and reasonable manner ALL THE TIME. Money is not an issue of any kind. He got a scholarship to play tennis at a Division I school. The sister will probably have her way paid to a performing arts school in New York. Both he and the sister have "accounts" that were started by their grandparents and are now "handled" by them with help from dad as to what stock is the highest performing. They will be quasi-millionaires by the time they are in their early thirties. (or so they say) He and his sister's "work experience" has consisted of him being the tennis pro summers only for the country club. Sister, house sitting for rich neighbors and friends at $100 a pop. They have had everything handed to them. They have never had to work for anything or know the experience of having their parents say no. And not just no..... but no because "we can't afford it." They haven't had to make sacrifices or do without. As such, they have no empathy or understanding of people whose lives are very different from theirs. In fact, the boy is a SNOB. He cannot understand why someone would "worry" about money. His parents are no better. They said he was the "most decent guy his girlfriend had ever dated." They also insinuated that she realized this and that is why she loved him because he was such a "catch." I have heard them described by said girlfriend as a "television family."

She comes from a family where dad has no formal education but has worked hard his whole life and owns his own business. A business that he runs himself out of the house with an occasional helper if he is lucky enough to find one. Her mom, stayed home for a while to help raise his children from another marriage. Five people in a two bedroom apartment. Then her dad put the mom through school to help her get a job that would better their lives. It was hard but they managed. Money has always been an issue. Her brothers played football, and she was a cheerleader. There is musical talent in the family but mostly consists of singing in church. And yes, they are in church every time the doors are open. They try to be active and involved. They fight and argue and usually in LOUD voices. But there is no doubt that each and every one in the house is loved and loved a lot. One son attended college for a time and paid his own way. Another brother went and graduated and it was paid for by her parents. She is now in her second year of school, attending the same Division I school and her parents are paying for that as well. From the time they were 16 all the kids had a job after school. Not glamorous work but everything from plumbing, roofing, grocery stocker/bagger, sales person in the mall to a feed store. They worked 15-20 hours a week AND that included nights while going to school and being involved in extracurricular activities. Not to mention working full time in the summer. There were no family vacations because dad couldn't leave the work for longer than a three day week-end. They watched TV as a family and ate southern cooking that was almost always fried and gravy was considered a staple. No drinking by parents or kids.........at least while still living at home. Grandparents were salt of the earth people who grew up working the land and had no inheritance to pass on. No annuities, no stocks, no savings accounts. Just lots of love, a good work ethic, and gratefulness for what they did have. Her family swam at the lake and later on in a little plastic pool in the backyard and finally an above ground pool that is still standing these 10 or more years later. Not a television family but a real one. Lots of love and respect for each other and themselves. A foundation of faith, family, and friends. Regardless of what his parents say the girl has dated several NICE boys. So, if I had to pick a "worthy" girlfriend for this young man I would choose HER. She knows what it means to have to work for what you have. As such, she is responsible and financially sound. She can handle disappointment because it is part of life and growing up, she has experienced LIFE a LOT. She knows the value of a dollar. She knows what it means to work and work hard. She has experienced the sense of accomplishment and pride that comes when the things you have in life are EARNED. She appreciates what she has because she knows it came at a price. Yet she mourns his loss and feels like she won't find anyone "as great" as he is. I want to tell her that television families aren't real. That the "decent" person in all of this is her. Not that he is a bad guy, he is just spoiled, arrogant, and has no clue what the REAL world is all about. That if I were HIS parents I would tell him that she is every bit as good or as "decent" or as "good a catch" as they (and he)thinks he is. I would tell him that his immaturity and selfishness have quite possibly cost him the company of an amazing young lady. And that she loved him (as much as you can at that age) not for what he HAD but for who she thought (and sadly still thinks) he was....a great guy. I want to make her understand that greatness and courage come from LIVING life and all that goes with it good AND bad. It does not come from a life simply existed!!! It does not come from having everything handed to you. It does not come from a "charmed" life and a smug attitude for those whose lives have been different. I want her to know that he's not so great after all!!

My Friend Brandon

2009-09-16T10:44:00.009-05:00

I have been fortunate in my life to be blessed with good friends. Not "acquaintances" but true, dependable, loving friends who care about me and my family. I have also worked very hard to be a loving, dependable friend to the people that God has placed in my life. I do not believe that anything happens by accident. I believe that there are no coincidences. Therefore, I believe that God placed Brandon in my life for a reason. To inspire me in my faith, to give me hope, and to make me grateful for the blessings I have that most people consider "everyday" parts of life. I thank God daily for my family, but also for my health and that of my loved ones, my house, my job, clothes on my back, food on my table, bills paid, and my friends. I use to never think about my health unless I was sick. But now I know that it is a gift and one for which I should be grateful. I thank God for it everyday. Which leads me to my friend, Brandon Clark. He has been battling (and it has indeed been a valiant fight) against two primary cancers since February of 2006. He has used his illness and the treatment as a ministry tool to try and reach people for Christ. To point them to God. And in huge ways, he has succeeded. He has changed and touched so many lives. Not just those of the people he knows but countless that he has never met. He has demonstrated such grace and courage in the face of this horrific disease that has ravaged his body but has not and could not rob him of his hope and faith. In fact, he embodies what I want for my life. To live for faith, family and friends........in that order. We all knew, including Brandon, that when God was through with him, He would call him home. That day is approaching and I am sad. But not for reasons one might think. I am sad for his family who will no longer have this amazing man in their midst. His legacy of love and laughter will live on in the hearts and minds of those who love him, but his physical presence will be sorely missed. I am sad for Brandon because I know to leave his family behind is something that breaks his heart. He has NO doubt about his eternal security but we all want to see our children grow up and be there to mark the milestones in their lives. I feel sad for his friends who will no longer get to spend time with this funny man whose main goal is to illicit laughter from those he is around. And I feel sorry for myself. I love him and I will miss him. I don't know how much "time" he has but I know that instead of dying from cancer, he will live with it until God calls him home. I am honored to be his friend. I pray for strength and God's grace and mercy for Brandon and those of us who love him in the difficult days ahead.

9/11/01

2009-09-11T14:21:00.002-05:00

God Bless America..........May we never forget the events of that day.

It Happened So Fast!!

2009-09-07T20:39:00.008-05:00

After four days of class and two days of work, I have discovered that Katie will never truly be home again. To visit, yes, to live....no. Just like that. Gone two weeks and BAM......she's really gone. I am quite without words (truly) and rather taken aback. I mean, it happened so fast. She called me Tuesday to say that her job wanted her to work in between semesters when I just assumed she would be home for a month. Of course, it is a REAL job and I guess they wouldn't let their employees, especially part-time ones have a 4 week vacation after being on the job three months. Sounds rather unreasonable to me. Don't they know that her momma had plans for those weeks? BUT, she is getting to be home for Christmas and New Years (which New Years' eve is her daddy's birthday). I should be grateful right? Yeah, well not so much. She then informs me that they will also be expecting her to work through the summer and that she doesn't want to lose this job so she will have to figure out where she is going to live and how that is all going to work out. Did I say that she had only been TWO DAYS ON THE JOB and FOUR DAYS IN COLLEGE????? MY plan was that she would be here ALL SUMMER and live at home and take classes at ASU? Well that wasn't going to work either evidently. Because she THEN informs me that in order to minor in Spanish and really really learn the language, she needs to STUDY ABROAD this summer, which will involve her GOING TO SPAIN FOR THREE WEEKS. And get this, her JOB will work around that because it is part of her education. Evidently they don't work around MOMS!!! Bitter, party of one please! Well when I get over the fact that she actually said SPAIN, I inform her that I can't afford to freaking send her across the ocean. Her response? She has already checked into it. It is quite affordable (and sad to say, she's right, it is). So......she didn't just leave the nest. In two weeks, she has ripped it out of the tree, scattered it to the wind, chopped the tree down and used it for firewood. I know that this is what I raised her for and I should be proud but it happened TOO fast. All I heard in ALL OF THIS NEWS she so excitedly called to tell me is that she is not coming home. She'll come for visits but she won't be BACK here like I had anticipated ever or at least anytime soon. I am proud of her........ she is growing up, making decisions, and mapping out her life all on her own. She is reconnecting with her faith and making good friends and wise choices. She is doing everything right (so far) and I love her more than ever. She is going to be just fine, but as for her daddy and I......it's a crapshoot. I sit her tonight, loving and missing her, yet being so proud. And through it all, since the phone call, the one constant that my mind keeps coming back to is........it happened so fast.

Empty Nest Part Two

2009-08-26T15:21:00.007-05:00

When Katie moved into the dorm at ASU this time last year, her daddy and I (her daddy especially) mourned her leaving pretty heavy. And for the first two weeks she was gone she didn't come home (hello?we live right across town) or call AT ALL. It was very hard. But as time progressed she started coming around more. Granted it was for free meals and laundry but still. During her year "away" from home she blossomed and grew into an independent and responsible young adult. Did well in school, worked, and PAID her way. Didn't ask us for money and took care of business. So this past weekend when we moved her to Texas Tech, we all felt that she was ready and so were we. WRONG!!! I noticed that the last four days here she stayed home EVERY night and just hung out with her father and I. Okay, she hasn't CHOSEN to hang out with us since she was 16. When we got up AT FIVE Sunday morning to head to Lubbock, we were all on board and things were fine except for the baggy eyes and stifled yawns. When we got to the dorm, her dad and I MOVED her in while she stayed in the room doing I don't know what. I remember thinking, "we are paying her tuition AND we have to haul all her crap?" And from the parking lot to her second story dorm room was at least 200 yards. By the fourth trip, I thought George was going into minor cardio arrythmia and I was on my 2nd or 3rd mini-stroke. We had a little "drama" ONCE when her daddy got on to her for her bad/demanding attitude. (Imagine that) So, at that point she quit speaking to him. And of course there are other roommates with their parents who are trying to move in as we have a domestic squabble in her room. It was delightful. After about 2 1/2 hours, she was, for the most part, moved in and we went to eat lunch. She took us to Spanky's and we all just sort of sat and enjoyed a good hamburger and a nice view. We sat by the window upstairs. THEN it was time to take her "home" (that just doesn't sound right to me), say goodbye and get on the road. We were all fine. Seriously. When I got out of the car to hug her and tell her goodbye.........I completely fell apart. It was like a death wail. I was so horrified but the tears kept flowing and the sobs kept coming. In fact, when a mom walked by and saw me hugging Katie and crying..SHE started crying so I pretty much contributed to her falling apart. And of course, George started to cry and then Katie teared up. It was AWFUL!!! She looked so small walking back to that dorm by herself. She is ill and hadn't gotten her meds yet and she didn't have a job and it was just so BIG and uncertain. I drove us out and was sobbing so that I took us home through Post instead of Lamesa. I sobbed for about 15 minutes, cried for another 15 or twenty, and then whimpered occasionally all the way home. BUT two days later she had her meds and started taking them AND SHE GOT A JOB. NOT JUST ANY JOB BUT A "CUSHY" ONE!!! In a law firm (not bad for a pre-law student) working 4 afternoons a week, off at five, no nights or weekends. Perfect for her health AND her schedule. God is so good to us. And she calls us every day, sometimes more than ONCE and emails and texts her momma regularly. So I think of all the emotions as she has left us TWICE, I now think of all the opportunities that lay ahead for her. And though I am torn between missing her and being so proud for her, I say to myself, fly high little bird, spread your wings and soar, and if you need it, the nest will always be here.

God As A Big Black Woman?

2009-08-03T14:08:00.005-05:00

My sister-in-law gave me a copy of this book. When I began reading it, I was really into the story UNTIL (watch out spoiler alert) God was portrayed as a big black woman. I couldn't get past it for a day or two but as I continued to get into the story, that no longer seemed to matter. The book was extremely profound and very well written. The author never intended the book to be published. He wrote it for his children to try to explain why bad things happen to those who love the Lord. At some point in their lives, a very "bad" thing happened to him and his family. I do not know what it was. In the book, it is the murder of his 6-year old child. Whether or not this is the REAL event is irrelevant. He uses the book to explain the Trinity and the wonderment of the relationship between the three. Will you understand the Trinity after reading the book? No. Is his representation intended to be factual? No. But it did impact my life in a HUGE way. And the PRINCIPLES in the book are very much reflected in the Bible. In fact, there were MANY places where I had to go back and re-read what "God" was saying. It made me feel good and this non-fiction fictional tale left me wanting to be better. Made me want people to see Christ IN me and THROUGH me in a way that NO SERMON ever has. After reading the book, I did some research on it and found that many religious "experts" (what is that by the way?) profane the book for all sorts of "personal" reasons one of which is that God is portrayed as female. But, He is referred to as Papa, which is male the last time I checked. The book is ripe with symbolism and I believe that most "critics" don't understand what an allegory is. Of course they are only EXPERTS in that which offends them. TYPICAL RELIGION. This author is writing out of pain and suffering and a desire to understand God and how He could stand by while bad things happen to his children. Another thing to keep in mind is...he never intended for anyone but his children to read it. And when it just took off he had no control over the impact it had anymore than I believe he had over the story that his heart and perhaps the Lord told him to write. It is a good read. It has Biblical truths in it and gives the reader a sense of peace about that which we cannot comprehend. I am glad that I read it and yeah, God as a big black woman was hard to get past.........AT FIRST. But as I read the WORDS, the author's vehicle for presenting them no longer seemed important. So, this blog is part of my contribution to "The Missy Project". To find out what that is, you will have to read the book. I could pass the book along which is also part of the project, like my sister-in-law did, but I plan on keeping it and re-reading the parts that changed me. Especially with school fast approaching and life seeming so unfair at times. I plan on spending a few days of my own at THE SHACK.

"When people show you who they are

2009-07-22T12:28:00.011-05:00

believe them." This is a quote from the famous poet Maya Angelou. I heard her say this YEARS ago, I believe on Oprah (yeah back when I watched her like 20 years ago). Ms. Angelou had been "discovered" by Oprah as this brilliant African American poet whom, unbeknownst to Oprah, had been around a LONG while and everyone BUT Oprah knew of her. I digress. Anyway, Angelou had said that the key to "getting along" in life without so many disappointments and betrayals and the key to having good healthy relationships with others was to believe people when they show you who they are. But, instead, for whatever reason, we tend to excuse bad behavior or disappointment in the people we care about and attach all kinds of excuses to their behavior. Okay, I am not talking about a one time blow up or freak out or something "out of the ordinary." Lord knows we have all been there, done that. But I am talking about when people do hateful, sneaky, manipulative, cheating, scheming, lying, underhanded (the list goes on and on) things. Or people who attack you or lash out at you every time you have an opinion different from theirs, or try to "punish" you for your feelings. And yeah, I can name at least THREE people close to me who come to mind IMMEDIATELY. What does that say about my ability to judge character? AT some point, you have to just say, "okay, so you are NOT a nice person." Or, "okay, you and I ARE NOT on the same page when it comes to how we are going to live our lives" or "we do NOT have the same values when it comes to friendship, honesty, integrity, and professionalism" and move on. Two years ago, I gave someone the benefit of the doubt even though they just kept "showing me" who they were. This week, they LEFT NO DOUBT!!! They are NOT a NICE PERSON. They are likable enough. Even friendly and occasionally humorous but they CANNOT BE TRUSTED TO DO THE RIGHT THING. And if they are that way with others they will MOST CERTAINLY be that way with me. In fact, they have been that way with me and I have "excused" it out of wanting to "give the benefit of the doubt." How stupid is that? If they keep on doing the same things to you and the people you care about then WAKE UP.........this is WHO THEY ARE!!!!!!! This person is someone whom I will see often but it doesn't mean that I have to let myself be sucked in anymore. It is time for me to BELIEVE, no matter how disappointing, WHO THEY ARE!!! I guess the redneck version of Ms. Angelou's quote is "actions speak louder than words." But yet we tend to go with the words that people say. Maybe because it is easier. Maybe because we don't want to truly see people for who and what they are. It just seems that this summer has been a series of disappointments for me when it comes to relationships (both male and female). And now school is starting soon and I have to face it head on. I am not looking forward to it. I am angry and sad. And not so much at the people who have "shown themselves" to me, but at myself for NOT BELIEVING that is who they are. For constantly making excuses for bad behavior when I have NO DOUBT that when I behave badly, they are NOT making excuses for me. I hope that I don't behave badly often enough that excuses have to be made. I hope that when I "act up" or hurt or disappoint someone that is that "rare occasion" where there is something else going on and that it is NOT who I am. I have always said what I thought the MINUTE I thought it. (and it hasn't always worked to my advantage or been a good thing I might add) But I am trying to do and be better. To temper my feelings and opinions so as NOT to hurt people. But at least with my friends and I guess even my enemies, you KNOW WHO I AM. Wish it were that way with everyone. Be a lot less disappointment I think. So remember, in EACH and EVERY relationship, "when people show you who they are, believe them." I intend to.

Running With Buzzards

2009-07-13T11:31:00.004-05:00

I am sure that you have heard the expression "soaring with eagles", or "on the wings of eagles." Well, I had a different experience this weekend. I ran in the Stop, Drop and Roll Five Mile Run benefitting the East Concho Volunteer Fire Department. It has been two months since I have attempted a five miler. I ran one in March and did well (it's all perspective, but my time was decent even though it was WAY behind everyone else) and then had injuries and a little surgical procedure and wasn't able to run for three weeks. I was really looking forward to the state race in May (another five miles)and even though I wasn't physically or mentally prepared I showed up. That is about all I did. Finished with an abysmal time and people watching me run thought I was having some kind of stroke or other fatal ailment. A friend of mine asked me the next day at church "are you okay, I was really getting worried about you yesterday. You looked like you were really struggling." Yeah, I get LOTS of encouragement at church. So, I was nervous Saturday about the run. When we got there the weather was great.......of course it was a little after seven IN THE MORNING. But by the time the race started an hour later it was already hot and EXTREMELY humid and we were running on pavement without ANY SHADE. I fought my feelings of anxiety and thought to myself "just finish." So off we went and I settled into a pretty good pace and decided to enjoy the run AND the countryside. I was last (though I never look back to see for sure) but felt pretty confident that no one was behind me. As I made the first three miles, I was feeling good. I have been running that distance for the last two weeks but felt a little anxiety about the last two. As I hit the three mile marker, I decided to focus on the "beauty" around me. I thought I saw two airplanes in the sky and thought to myself, "that is unusual, perhaps it is a training exercise." After all, we were out by Goodfellow. As I continued on, I noticed that the "planes" were getting lower. And about the same time, I realized that I was struggling physically and sweating profusely. As I looked up again, I realized with great horror that the planes closing in on me were not planes at all but good old West Texas Buzzards. I always thought they feasted on dead things only but evidently they have an eye for things that are "dying" or are in the "last stages of death." I am not sure which category that put me but I picked up the pace and outran those rascals. Finished the race upright, never walked, and shaved three minutes off of my time. I didn't win but I beat the buzzards!!!!

P.S. I WASN'T last and got third place for my age group............whoo hoo

I Lost A Friend Today

2009-07-05T15:57:00.004-05:00

When you hear that statement you almost always assume that someone has passed away. Well when someone close to you is no longer a part of your life it feels like a death sometimes. I have always been blessed with many friends and quite a few GOOD, CLOSE, DEPENDABLE, NO MATTER HOW MUCH TIME PASSES I WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU friends. I lost one today. And they don't even know it. I think a great deal of responsibility comes with being someone's friend. Unlike being an acquaintance, whom you smile or wave at, or engage in small talk with, a FRIEND is someone much more. You can always be honest with them and they with you no matter how painful the subject is. You might not agree but you aree to disagree and the relationship continues. Friendship is a gift from God. Our Lord was the friendliest human on earth and extended His precious hand of friendship to people of both sexes, from every financial class, and from all walks of life. He knew how important it was. Man doesn't do well alone and for those who don't have spouses or families, God created friends to stand in the gap. I take my friendships very seriously. Today, I have decided to end one. It is not something that I did lightly nor is it something they will probably ever realize. Because you see, I was their friend and would KNOW right away if something was wrong or if they felt differently about me. But perhaps they were never really mine. They could just not continue to do the same thing over and over that they KNOW is hurtful to me if they were truly my friend. Or at least they would talk to me about it and try to make me understand. Or perhaps just say, even though we don't agree on this, I want you to know that I care about you and am sorry if you are upset. Instead...........NOTHING. So, today as the reality of our TRUE relationship settled in on me, I said out loud (because for me, that makes it seem more viable when you vocalize your feelings)"I am no longer so and so's friend." And I feel sad about it.........and they probably won't even notice. I lost a friend today........they did not. Because now I have to painfully admit that they were never as invested in me as I was in them. Therefore they were never a TRUE friend after all. And with that being the case I should not feel so sad. Sigh............

19 Years Ago Today

2009-06-22T15:50:00.003-05:00

Nineteen years ago today at 1:37 pm, my life was forever altered. It was precisely at that moment that Katie Rae came squealing into the world. She has been making her presence known ever since. I cannot believe that the years have gone so quickly. I read a blog today of a person who had counted the weeks until his daughter will graduate high school and made a vow to make each day count to the fullest and to give as much as he could to his kids in terms of time. I did that. I did. I have NO REGRETS. She was the world, no the universe, to her daddy and I, every waking hour of every day. Our dreams, hopes, and plans revolved around her and a future for and with her. It doesn't matter. The time still goes so quickly that if you focused on them even when you were asleep, you would still think "where did the time go?" It is just part of life I guess. I am sure that my mom sees me and wonders "when did my baby girl get old?" I wonder that about myself daily. So today at 1:37 pm, that little 7 pound gift from God was in a college Spanish class after having been at work since 7:30 this morning. That bundle of joy was busy with preparing herself for a life and a future. I am so proud of her. She is a young woman now, not quite an adult but barely a teenager any longer. I don't want the time back. I want time ahead to see what this young lady is going to do with her life. Did I say I was proud of her? I am. Happy Birthday Katie Rae........you are the air we breathe....let the adventure continue.

Going Postal

2009-06-03T11:29:00.014-05:00

It has been many years, thank goodness, since it has happened. But in years past, there were a rash of shootings in post offices by postal employees. Evidently the stress and pressures of the job, caused them to want to shoot their bosses, co-workers and even themselves. Hence the saying, "going postal." Well, I have some issues with that. I was at the post office the other day, as I have been many times, and the line was to the door and there were THREE, yep that's right, THREE employees. Because of new laws that require a passport to go to Mexico, and because we live in what is now "little Mexico", there are MANY people who are there wanting passports. This takes anywhere from 20 minutes to two days for the employee to explain and get done. They should have a passport PERSON but no, any one who goes to any station can start that long process. While those of us needing, I don't know STAMPS or something else that takes all of 2 minutes must wait. And INVARIABLY, no matter HOW MANY people are in line, one of the THREE (and there are NEVER more than three) employees will put up their "window closed" sign and continue to work slowly and calmly while we all stand there and stare at them in disbelief. If looks could kill, that white haired man with the glasses, would be at Johnson's Funeral Home as we speak. A supervisor will usually make an appearance and see the LONG line and decide to "HELP". This is laughable. Yes, it is. In fact I was laughing almost out loud as I typed that. She goes up and down the aisle asking what people need and guess what? She tells ALL of them "I can't do that, you will have to see the clerk." In fact ALL SHE CAN DO, evidently, is see if you need help and direct you to the clerk which is what you were standing in line for in the first place. I believe her real job is to placate you but all she does is make me even madder. I think she can go get certified letters for you, provided you show her your birth certificate and slip her a $100 bill. So after the clerk that has closed their window (and it is always the white haired guy by the way), works SLOWLY for a while at his window.........he opens back up. WHAT???????? He couldn't have just stayed open and done whatever he was doing LATER? Perhaps when the line didn't contain 18 people? And might I add that throughout this whole ordeal, the passport couple ARE STILL THERE and not ANY closer to getting one it seems. So, the post office employees find THEIR job so stressful that they bring guns to work? ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? They are as slow as tortoises. They feel no pressure as they face an ANGRY MOB (line, same thing) of people who just want to get their business done and get out. They close their work stations WHENEVER they feel like it. And HEAVEN FORBID, if it is time for their break, while they are WAITING on a person, they just clock out. SERIOUSLY!! So where does the anger come from? I can tell you..........IT IS WITH ME!!!!!!!!! I was so "postal" by the time I had stood in line (with only 8 people in front of me, all of whom were just buying stamps or mailing something) for over thirty minutes, they are lucky I DON'T carry a gun!! And it is that way EVERY time I go there. What is that? And yet, we should pity the postal worker and ALL that they go through? Not me baby. I used to visit with my postman, talk about the weather, joke about the bills and stuff, but not anymore. I am afraid that I will pummel him about the face and head profusely and scream, "what is up with the freaking post office?" So, I just smile and wave and fight the bitterness that is welling up within me. Going Postal? Yeah, I do EVERY time I go in the building. And the couple trying to get the passport?? I drove by the NEXT day and they were STILL there and the line was OUT OF THE BUILDING........going postal..........JEESH!!!!

SCHOOLS OUT!!!!!!!!

2009-05-29T21:41:00.005-05:00

It just seems so surreal to me. I mean it is FINALLY over. And when the day came, it was so anticlimactic. It doesn't feel like the last day but doesn't feel like we have to go back next week either. I was neither excited nor relieved when the day was over. I was like I was EVERY other day for the past 180..........TIRED. So here is to summer which seems to get shorter every year. Here is to no more schoolwork, no more books, no more students' dirty looks. I know that is not how the song goes but in this day and age it seems about right to me. Summer doesn't "officially" begin until next month but I say, "let's get this party started." And with that said, it is 9:41 pm, and I am GOING TO BED!!! Party hard dudes :0)

"CONSTANTS" IN OUR LIVES

2009-05-20T09:41:00.015-05:00

This almost seems like a New Year's post but seriously I was sitting here thinking about this time last year. WOW!!! A lot has happened/changed since then. And maybe that is true of every year as our lives are constantly changing and evolving or at least I hope they are as we age and grow. I would hate to think that my LIFE was a constant. There are CONSTANTS in my life but I hope that my life is fluid and that I am constantly growing and changing.

A year ago this weekend, we found out that George had high blood pressure. That same weekend they over medicated him and we thought he was having a stroke. Frantic rush to the emergency room and an overnight stay in the hospital. Worry for me and TERROR for him.
NOW.......blood pressure is finally stable or perhaps I should say CONSTANT and last week we finally received a prescription for the meds instead of samples. So we are good to go.

A year ago this weekend, George came out of the closet with his smoking. Okay, he was forced out after the whole hospital ordeal. See, we knew he smoked but pretended not to so he would not smoke as much.
NOW...we know and he smokes all the time (or so it seems to me). Smoking has become another CONSTANT in my life. (pray for me about that as I hate, loathe, despise, abhor, abominate it)

A year ago this weekend, I was planning Katie's graduation party and preparing myself for her move to the dorms at ASU.
NOW...she is back home after a successful start at college and now I prepare myself for her move to LUBBOCK in August. Her being "on her own" is now a constant in our lives.

A year ago we discovered that her cheerleading injury in MARCH had left a HOLE in her shoulder muscle that had gone undetected for two months. She was scheduled for surgery which would leave her literally incapacitated for most of the summer.
NOW....she is "healed" but her body is not "as it was". Now 96% mobility is the new constant for her shoulder. And as her mom, I feel bad for the pain she had to endure and the damage that is left behind.

A year ago, I was tired of school, ready for it to be over, and counting the days to the end .
NOW.. I STILL AM!! And EVERY YEAR that remains a CONSTANT!!!!

She's Coming Home TODAY!!!

2009-05-14T10:10:00.010-05:00

After moving out in August, Katie is coming back home today. Granted it is only for 11-12 weeks before she moves to Lubbock but starting today she will be back under our roof. My friends asked me if I was excited and I hesitated. We all three have adjusted to her being gone and "on her own" and George and I have had to adjust to being "on our own". So I do see another adjustment coming. And at the Shelton household we don't adjust to ANYTHING well. I mean we do eventually accept change but not without a lot of "drama" before hand. My rule for all three of us, stated two nights ago before the MOVE started, that we were all going to have to readjust ( I mean 9 months IS a long time) and that in the process we needed to be patient and KIND. Something else we don't do well I might add. :0) So, yes, my baby girl is returning to the nest today. I am excited, I am expectant, and a little anxious. I have all these grand ideas about how much we have all changed and grown in these last months but in my heart I know that in a matter of minutes of us all being together we will revert back to the normal (using the term loosely) Shelton household routine. "What time is supper?" "I am hungry." "Dad, did you smoke IN my bathroom?" "Turn your music down!" "Don't use that tone with me" "MOM (with an eye roll thrown in) and so forth. So yeah, perhaps we aren't as enlightened as I think/hope we are. But in the end............none of that matters..............She is coming HOME today and down deep..........I am not only excited.......I AM THRILLED!!!

Top Ten Things About May

2009-05-13T13:10:00.009-05:00

I love February (see previous blog of same title) but am not a fan of May even though I love spring (also previous blog title). Why do I hate May? I mean it has Mother's Day (and we should have our own MONTH instead of just a day are you kiding me) but really there is nothing redeeming about May. Here are the top ten things I identify with the month of May

10) School is almost out so time DRAGS by

9) The weather can't decide if it is spring or summer

8) What to wear (see above)

7) Graduation announcements (from everyone and their dog which means gifts)

6) Swimsuit season is rapidly approaching (now there's a fun thought)

5) Mosquitos and flies come out of hibernation or wherever they have been since October

4) My clock at school is broken (see previous blog)

3) There is SOMETHING at school EVERY day and NONE OF IT is school related

2) Kids/Teachers are sick of school so they are impossible!!

And the number one thing I identify with the month of May

THE AGONIZING COUNTDOWN UNTIL SCHOOL IS OUT

And as of today it is 10 days which in teacher days is really 17!!! Seriously

My Clock Is Broken

2009-05-12T11:34:00.007-05:00

I sit here gazing at a clock that NEVER MOVES. I know it has batteries and I know it works but the minutes are dragging by. The minutes? Even the seconds as the second hand, tired of moving so slowly I am sure, has fallen off and is resting at the bottom of the clock. The clock at the back of my room that HAS a working second hand barely moves either. I mean a second is a long time. OR.........perhaps it is because we are ELEVEN days away from the end of the school year and time has ground to a halt? At this time of year, it is so hard to be motivated and EVEN harder to motivate kids. So we (teachers and students) shut down and show up. We try to manage the time but as sick as we are of school the students are even sicker. They have spent their entire year focusing on the TAKS test (I teach juniors who have to pass it in order to graduate) and now that it is behind them, they are basically through with school. And I don't blame them. We have to teach EVERYTHING BEFORE the test so they can pass it and then we have 4-5 weeks of NOTHING. There is just so much busy work you can have them do and so many videos you can show and then you are busted. Nothing, nada, zilch...........That is where we are today. The weather outside is gorgeous, you can almost TASTE summer, and we are ALL tired. Yet here we are............in school..........trying to create something ELSE to teach these kiddoes and keep it upbeat and entertaining at the same time. I think after TAKS we should call the whole thing off. I mean we have met the state requirement...........so instead of "playing" school, we should tell the kids "you did the job, you have been assessed for mastery and we will let you know how you did, enjoy your summer,because if you failed you aren't going to graduate unless you take the test AGAIN!" And to teachers, "you taught your curriculum, you followed your scope and sequence, the test has been given, we will let you know your results, enjoy your summer because if results are bad you are going to lose your job!" and call it a day. And in the time it has taken me to write this...............the clock has NOT MOVED at all. I think it is surely broken. And there is something wrong with my calendar as well because there is NO WAY it can only be TUESDAY!!!!

FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR

2009-05-05T11:27:00.016-05:00

I have a friend who HATES spring!! I am using the term "friend" loosely here because how can you possibly hate spring? Everything is turning green, the birds are building nests, flowers are blooming, the days are warm and the nights are cool. Okay that has only been true about the weather 2 times since spring started but still. SHE hates it because she hates to do yard work. I think it is rather discriminatory to hate a season because of a chore that just happens to coincide with it. I think she needs a "lawn boy". Preferably one that is young, cute and works with his shirt off. I have a lawn boy. His name is George and he is NOT ALLOWED to work with his shirt off. We do have neighbors you know. I have always loved spring. As a child, I saw it as a prelude to summer and daylight lasting longer which meant more time outside. As a young teen, it meant shorts, tank tops, and flip flops. As a young adult, it meant YARD WORK, which I just happen to love. My mom, who spent most of her young life as a tenant farmer, always said that there was something uplifting about "getting your hands in the soil." Even when we were young, mom tried to "keep" the yard and we would help. I can see her standing on the sidewalk barefoot with the hose in hand, watering the grass in the cool of the evening. I can remember how we would sleep with the windows open and the wind would blow across the wet grass creating a gentle cooling breeze. My grandmother, who didn't even have indoor plumbing for years, always had a beautiful yard and of course a garden. My mom, who had spent many years growing food, planted flowers instead. And then she became interested in trees, so that there would be shade for "future generations." Her words exactly. I mean, I couldn't make that up. And as such, I have always loved working out in the yard. I love being out there with the family, stopping occasionally to sit in the shade and cool off with a glass of tea and then get back to the task at hand. And of course, "yard work" day usually means George is grilling something. As I got older, I, too, started planting flowers and even feeding the birds. It just changes the whole atmosphere of your home to have a pretty yard. And one that you and YOURS have accomplished. Even the "homeliest" house looks prettier with a nice yard, trees, and flowers. And it is so simple. A little water, a little time, and a nice trim once a week. God pretty much does the rest. So, here's to spring..........a beautiful time. A time of rebirth and regeneration. My FAVORITE time of year

What an Idiot

2009-05-01T15:10:00.014-05:00

"Let go and let God"....how many times have I heard that? I would say at least one hundred times. And how many times have I told someone that? At least one hundred. And how many times have I ACTUALLY DONE that? Nowhere near one hundred. I am so arrogant that I think I can handle things MOST OF THE TIME. And when I can't THEN I give it to God. I am sure He just shakes His head and thinks, "I love her but isn't she just so tragic?" I have had a trying week. No more than anyone else, I am sure, but when it is happening to you...........well, you don't really care about anyone else. Or at least I don't. And through it all, I did everything BUT really truly give it over 100% to God. I prayed about it, but in my mind, I thought "surely I can fix this." Well, guess what? COULDN'T!!! I am looking at a lot of things in the upcoming months that I am really going to have very little,IF ANY, control over. I am going to have to LET GO and LET GOD and no matter how trite that sounds............it works. Truly, it does. And that doesn't mean that God makes it all better. It means He works it out to HIS perfect will for your life and in the end how can that EVER be wrong? I am relying on Him for many things, but there is a small part of me that is trying to HELP Him get these things done. How appreciative HE must be that I am willing to give of my time and talent to HELP HIM!! Am I an idiot or what? (Rhetorical question which I don't expect you to answer) I had a colleague tell me one time that when I prayed I needed to literally turn my palms up and "let go". I tried it one Sunday and it was a liberating feeling. But it wasn't too long until I was back at my tight fisted life; hanging on to anything and everything that I thought I could do to make life better. What an idiot? (didn't I already say that?) So, on this Friday afternoon, as I think about all the things that cause me worry and stress, I am letting go..........I am..........truly........probably just for today but still.........I am going to place my TRUST in HIM and get out of the way. You know, until I think HE NEEDS MY HELP. What an idiot (and yes this time you may agree!)

Mean Girls

2009-04-21T13:18:00.025-05:00

I absolutely LOVED and STILL LOVE the movie "mean girls". It is just the epitome of high school. In fact, most of us, NEVER really leave high school, we just leave the building. In fact, I am STILL in the freaking building. There are still cliques, and gossip, and slander, and criticizing no matter how old you get. I, for one, was a "plastic" in high school (shocking) though at the time we were called "jets". And not after the movie West Side Story, but after the term "jetsetter" meaning a person of importance. We were "pop", short for popular. We had "jocks", "geeks", "nerds", (not sure now why those weren't the same except I think the "geeks" were smart), "thugs", "band nerds", and "hoods". Can you hear the smile in my voice as I write this. Oh yeah. It was classic mean girl world. Oh yeah and the "wannabes" which we still have today in every area of society. I can't imagine NOT BEING popular and while I know that makes me sound shallow and vain, high school was wonderful for the"jetsetters/plastics". Any drama we had was within ourselves and even though we were mean, when it came to the down and dirty, we took care of our own. We could be mean to each other but no one could be mean to us. We were imitated and people wanted to be like us or be liked BY us. Just like the "plastics". We also wanted to be like each other. A lot like Gretchen in the movie. One girl would wear something "new" and by weeks end everyone was wearing it. And yeah, what does that say about individuality and independence? Not much, but we were in high school. In fact, today we ALL still IMITATE stars, or "popular people" or people we admire. That is where all the fashion ideas come from for pete's sake. Women dress for women. We don't care what men think of what we have on or how we do our hair. We care what the "ladies" are going to think. Yeah, there is a little "plastic" in all of us. As a "plastic" gets older they are no longer mean-spirited like high school but just plain mean. I choose to think of it as sarcastic, sharp, and witty with a broken "give a damn" meter. So are you a mean girl? These might help you decide:
YOU MIGHT BE A MEAN GIRL IF:

1) you notice what others are wearing and have an opinion about it
2) you're appearance (at ALL times) is important to you
3) other people's appearance is important to you
4)you can't stand annoying people and don't even try to
5) you know the fashion "dos and don'ts" and live by them
6) you have a BFF that is also a mean girl
7) you and above mentioned person talk about other people and what they are wearing and how good/bad they look
8) you are smart and informed about important things............like fashion and what is in the latest issue of People magazine
9) you like yourself A LOT
10)and last but not least...........other people like you too...and if they don't it is because they are jealous!!!!

Welcome to Texas Tech!!

2009-04-19T17:33:00.009-05:00

Well it is official.......we are part of the Red Raider family as of Friday afternoon about 2:30 pm. I am a little overwhelmed. Katie has wanted to go to Tech for as long as she has been old enough to know that she wanted to "for sure" go to college. And as most of you know, we wanted her to stay here a year to "get her feet under her" before we sent her THOUSANDS of miles away....okay only 200 miles or so but still. So, she has fulfilled her frantic family requirement and now she has been accepted into a Division I school WAY UP in the Panhandle FAR from home. We went up this last week for orientation and let me say that it was quite an eye opener. The first thing they told us (the parents) was to "relax" AND "release". In other words, GET OUT OF THE WAY AND LET YOUR CHILD TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR COLLEGE EDUCATION. Of course MY FIRST THOUGHT was......yeah but I'm paying the bill. But as they continued to speak, I realized that what they were saying made sense. When she goes in August, I won't be there to hold her hand, or help her with decisions or TELL HER WHAT TO DO!! Kind of disconcerting for what I like to call "hands on" parenting which Katie likes to call "mom, I can't breathe, your arms are suffocating me" parenting. Anyhow........as they began to talk about the enormity of her college education..how many kids actually finish, and what percentage actually pursue their degree without having to start over, and how many are successful, I began to feel a little overwhelmed. Had I been Katie, I would have RAN back to the car and to Angelo State University, hearth and home. But she was not deterred in the least. When we got through with the degree plan for becoming a lawyer, I asked her if she was still sure and she confidently said yes. As I took a break outside, by myself, I saw literally hundreds of students going around the campus to class, or jobs, or some jogging, or just hanging out. NOT ONE OF THEM was crying or vomiting. In fact, the only person I could find who felt a little nauseous was ME. So, when it was all over, I asked Katie how she felt and she said I am excited and can't wait to get here. I said "me, too" because that is what a Red Raider mom would say. But inside I thought.........oh my gosh what have we done? So, there you have it. She is going to Tech in August. I am proud. I am scared. I am already a little lonely. But I came home with a "Texas Tech mom T-shirt." As for Katie................she is counting the days.

I'M BACK BABY!!

2009-04-12T19:12:00.004-05:00

Okay not really. I mean I did run twice this week after laying off for almost three weeks to rest the shin splints. (Note to potential runners/joggers/speedwalkers; they don't heal or really go away, just feel better for a while and then are right back). So, I missed being on the road, wind in my face (okay I am lying... I HATE the wind, especially when you are running into it and this last week it was like, what, a thousand miles an hour?) but I digress. I like to run because for that amount of time my mind is blank (no easy shots here dear reader!) I don't worry, wonder, or think about anything, unless of course it is keeping my pace, staying up with my niece, who by the way has become a SPEED DEMON the three weeks I have been off, or simply breathing. So, I am back. Ran easy on Thursday, and a little more distance and speed on Friday. Felt good to be back. I have A LOT of running to do in order to get ready for the Texas State 5 mile Run in the Sun in May. So, I am having banana pudding for supper. I know that is good for you because after every run they bring out the bananas by the truckload. So, there it is...........I am BACK!!! (and my leg hurts even as we speak)

What A Blessing

2009-04-01T11:16:00.016-05:00

My daughter has grown up so much the last year that I can scarcely get over it or at times comprehend it. All those times I thought I was the "worst mom ever" and of course she was agreeing with me 100%, I never thought I was getting any of it right. BUT I WAS!!! LOOK AT HER!!! She is gorgeous, smart, a good student, ambitious, determined, responsible, and FIERCELY INDEPENDENT. I couldn't be prouder. Seriously!! And look at "the boyfriend." Not so bad either. Cute boy, solid Christian, good student, morally upstanding (no kidding), an athlete on a scholarship to a Division I school for tennis. Plays SEVERAL musical instruments, is active in his church, and likes his family. Shoot, he even likes us!! I don't know where they are headed and don't really care and I don't think they do either. They are so mature about their relationship, which has been long distance, and yet there is no drama there. I just feel blessed at this moment.

What Not to Wear (revisited)

2009-03-31T13:19:00.025-05:00

People magazine usually puts out an issue on how to "glam" it up for the summer. It is full of helpful tips and cost effective ways to "look like a star." I have decided to help my dear friends, coworkers, and students who either don't subscribe to People or who can't afford to purchase one at Wal-Mart. So here are MY fashion DOS AND DON'TS.

DOS

do bathe regularly (wasn't something I thought I would have to mention until one of my students just walked up to my desk as I was preparing to type)

do use deodorant (see above)

do wash hair (AT LEAST 4 of the SEVEN days of the week)

do STYLE hair (and that does not mean like "carrot top, it also means no do-rags, headbands, caps or scarves. I have several friends for whom cap screams "didn't take time to do my hair)

do use product if hair is unruly. (doesn't have to be salon style.. a Wal-Mart brand will work, so $$$ is not an excuse)

do WEAR MAKE-UP (unless you are a "natural beauty" which I have yet to see EVER in anyone OVER 30 years old!!) And might I add here that I had to wear make-up beginning at the age of 5 so no natural beauty here.

do wear clothes APPROPRIATE to the seasons (yes we are in West Texas but there are STILL seasons and they should be observed LIKE THE REST OF THE WORLD. We may be isolated but we don't have to be ignorant.)

do ACCENTUATE the positive

do CAMOUFLAGE the negative (these are elementary people)

do SMILE (as long as you are brushing your teeth regularly...do we even have to mention that ladies?)

do dress your age (there is something sexy about a woman who feels good in her own skin....unless that is all you have on)

And before you think I am just being "mean". I am surrounded by students AND adults
( Shocking I know) that these apply to. And not just at school either.

Now for the DON'TS

don't buy, wear, or even look at white shoes EVER (unless you are a nurse over 50 and still wear the white uniform) This does NOT apply to tennis shoes however. (they are in a whole different category)But white shoes.....only for girls under 12 EVER

don't wear above mentioned shoes (if you just insist on having a pair) until EASTER. (Hello, may I introduce you to Emily Post? Believe you me, go with ivory, or taupe but BACK AWAY FROM THE WHITE RIGHT NOW YOUNG LADY!!! I have NEVER heard someone say "I Love your shoes, where did you get them?" about white.. just so you know)

don't wear hose (period)

okay that is not a real rule... the rule is don't wear hose that are DARKER than your shoes!!!( I feel silly even having to mention it.)

don't wear clothes that are too tight (we have gone over this in previous blog part 1)

don't wear clothes too big (once again see part 1)

don't wear tennis shoes with jeans if you are over 35. (It is an Elly Mae Clampett disaster waiting to happen. A long legged jeans with some kind of heel gives you height and poise and keeps you from looking like a frumpy or "wannabe" teenager. And make sure the jeans are long enough for your shoes. Otherwise we are talking a whole other fashion disaster)

don't wear tennis shoes with ANYTHING unless it is a sport look i.e. windpants, sweats, or workout clothes.

don't wear your daughter's jewelry. that rope, plastic, and bangle stuff was not meant for Hannah's(as in Montana) mom. Buy your own and make it age appropriate. Doesn't have to be expensive

don't tuck in ANYTHING unless you are within 5 pounds of your high school weight. or have never given birth

don't frump up because you feel bad about yourself. if you feel unattractive, don't take it out on your clothes.... go work out or eat less. I sometimes feel extremely unattractive (shocking I know) but my clothes NEVER betray that emotion. When I wear sweats or dress "down" I make it look like it is on purpose and that I am having a "lazy" day!

don't go to YOUR JOB without make-up. It says I don't care enough about myself so how could I possibly care about my job? See above comment about "natural beauty."

don't make excuses or apologize for your appearance because A) it means you know you look bad and should have taken a little more time or B) that you are trying to justify your fashion faux paus

If you follow these little helpful hints you won't have to call atttention or deflect attention from yourself. No matter the mood, the clothes will say, I feel good because I look good. That is all.

Medical Speak

2009-03-15T18:32:00.011-05:00

In 52 years of life, I have had the misfortune to have MANY "procedures" done. And throughout ALL of them, I have learned that the medical profession has a language unto itself and I am NOT talking about LATIN. For instance, I had a scope done a few years back and as they prepared to spray something down my throat I asked the nurse "is it going to taste bad?" To which she responded, "no, it tastes like banana." Had I not become immediately unconscious after the spraying, my next question to her would have been, "have you ever TASTED a banana?" Followed by "let's go to HEB and buy you one so that you can know what one ACTUALLY tastes like." Banana? Maybe banana licorice with a little quinine thrown in. But banana? I don't think so. So, this past week when I was being scoped (AGAIN) I said, "so what is this going to taste like and DON'T TELL ME A BANANA!! I have eaten bananas and I know from past experience that this is not a true statement." The nurse ( a former student, does the humiliation NEVER end?) says, "no, this tastes like cherry." Really? Cherry you say? The stoic 12 year old in the room that is going to be doing something important to me I am sure, chimes in, "wild cherry." I ask the obvious question..."have either of you ever EATEN a wild cherry?" A timid response comes back, "okay more like cherry cough syrup." YIPPEE!!! Spray me now!! In fact spray me twice!!

Why is it that the people who see us in the most unflattering of positions and at our most vulnerable moments and hold our very health in their hands cannot be honest about what they are going to do to us or more importantly what we are going to experience at their hands? Here are my top three favorite things said to patients:

1)"You might feel some MILD discomfort." This means WHOA NELLIE, it is going to hurt REAL BAD!!!!

2)"You are going to feel a slight prick like a bee sting." EXCUSE ME!!!!!!!! Have you ever actually been stung by a bee? Because this in NO WAY resembles that.

3)"This might burn a little." YOWZA!! Does anyone have any aloe vera? Burn a little? I'm a hunka hunka burnin' flesh!

After my procedures on Friday, they told me that I "might experience a bloated feeling due to the gas they pumped into my body". BLOATED? I could have auditioned for a balloon in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade by the time I left there and by the next day the bloat had subsided to a point where I looked only MILDLY pregnant. Nice look for a grandma I might add. Why can't they just tell you the truth and in terms we understand? When it comes to our health, most of us are going to do whatever necessary to see that we stay or get healthy. Just tell us up front. Let us know what to expect going in so that we aren't shocked and confused when it is over and all of this "medical speak" has lulled us into a false sense of security.

One of my tests was a colonoscopy. Are you kidding me? We can LOOK at the moon and see it PERFECTLY with every crater and mountain. We use high powered telescopes that can study planets down to the most minute detail. WE CAN PUT A MAN ON THE MOON for pete's sake but we cannot find a HUMANE way to look into a human body part without the "cleansing" mania known as the "prep?" I loved the conversation I had with the nurse the day before the "prep" started. And by the way there is no PREPPING for that. There is NO WAY you can be prepared for what that entails. The word "prep" should be changed to "reverse potty training." I would have at least expected the horror to follow but instead the word "prep" was used sounding a lot less ominous. Oh the world of "medical speak."

The day before the "prep" the nurse called to give me some "tips" to make the process go easier. Should have been my first clue as to what was coming. To have to "prep" the "prep", well enough said. She, helpfully, said that you need to make sure you put "something on your bottom so it doesn't become sore and angry." I told her that my bottom was ALREADY angry and everything from there on up was getting mad as well. Her response was, "well you really won't remember it, so it will be fine." FINE? Did she actually tell me that it was going to be fine? She was 8 if she was a day and I GUARANTEE she has NEVER done the "prep." If she had she would NEVER have told me that I would not remember it. I will still be remembering the day of the "prep" when they toss my tired old bones into a six foot hole. Are you kidding me? And NO ONE TOLD ME the "prep" takes 8-9 hours for a procedure that takes 12-15 minutes! I don't teach math but there is something VERY wrong here.

I guess the good news is that in the end, everything turned out okay. And throughout all of these ordeals God has been merciful and I have been okay. But holy moly what I wouldn't give for just ONE word of honesty about what REALLY happens at the doctor's office, or in day surgery, or in the emergency room. I just remembered my all time favorite, "sit back and relax, you won't feel a thing." When you hear that......RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!!!

TGIF!!

2009-03-06T10:23:00.009-06:00

Okay, I love Fridays. I mean seriously. Since I was small, Fridays were always THE day of the week. Before I started school, Fridays meant the last day of work for the week for my mom. That meant that on Saturdays we could go "downtown." Saturdays were days reserved for movies, shopping (even if it was only grocery shopping), and sleeping late. Fridays were the precursor to the weekend; to family and mom time. Fridays meant only ONE MORE DAY at the babysitters. As I got older, Fridays were the last day of school for the week and the start of the weekend. In elementary, it meant playing later outside and in junior high it meant sleep overs and birthday parties. In high school, Fridays signaled that by dark we would be "on the drag" and hanging out with our friends. You know back when you HAD to stay home during the week because it was a "school night." So Friday was our LEGAL day to be out at night. As I got older Friday became PAY DAY!!! And of course still the start of the weekend. Now that I am even older (sigh) Fridays still signal an end of something and the beginning of something better. The end to a week of work and early to bed to get up early for work. Friday in the spring means a WHOLE LOT of students out for sporting events which means smaller classes and less to do because so many students are gone. Many people say that Saturday is their favorite day of the week because they are "off". But I like Fridays the best. Granted I have to work that day but it is the LAST day of the week to work and ANYONE can make it 8 hours. And then when it is over you have the WHOLE weekend to look forward to. I love Fridays!!!

TIRED

2009-02-26T15:07:00.000-06:00

Does this week seem long to anyone but me?

The End of the Trail

2009-02-23T10:29:00.007-06:00

The 2009 Trail Run Series officially ended Saturday with the third and final run. In this series you could run a 5K (about 3.2 miles) or farther. I chose to run the 5K in all three races. Are you kidding me? I would have never attempted anything more. In the first one, I lurched along this vicious course in 29 degree weather with a wind chill factor of 19. I fell and there was no one there to see/help me as I was in the wilderness and far removed from the rest of the pack. Yes we do indeed have wilderness in San Angelo. Who knew? In fact, I thought the "trail run" meant we would be running on a trail.......like a dirt road. NO! NOT EVEN CLOSE!!! It was rocks, rutted roads, grass, rocks, old four wheel drive trails, rocks, motocross trails and rocks. Did I say rocks? As I started on my first run, I became furious that I had gotten myself into this mess and with my niece as "my partner" I did not feel like I could quit. I did seriously think of quitting, however, after I fell (for what seemed like two minutes). BUT there wasn't anyone around to CARRY me back so I had to keep going. I think that is part of the plan. When it was over and I had crossed the finish line (finally) I was surprised to find that I had finished first in my age group. And I WASN'T the only one in my age group. Felt pretty good (except for the growing bruise on my leg and knee from the fall). So, I agreed to run in the next one. Fast forward two weeks. The weather is beautiful and the number of runners has increased dramatically. The director announces that he has "changed the course" a little. Once again I am furious. BUT, this second trail was so much easier. UNTIL I fell AGAIN!! And this time, a real ouchy!!! Ripped my leggings and a portion of my leg AND my hip. But I persevered and crossed the finish line SEVEN MINUTES faster than I had previously. Finished first in my age group...........I am starting to like this.............. A LOT!!! Fast forward two more weeks to this last Saturday. It is freezing cold with winds out of the north at THIRTY NINE MILES PER HOUR. They have changed the course AGAIN and much of it is going to be on a road BUT we are running INTO that wind. It was so cold. I decided to just "coast." I had already asked God the night before and that morning to hold on to me and not let me fall. So, I just got all calm (except for the incessant shivering) and hit the trail. Came in first AGAIN and DIDN'T FALL OR EVEN SLIP ONCE!!! For all of the drama, I felt such a sense of accomplishment and pride that I had managed to complete this series and stay in one piece. And of course getting the water bottles, winners' certificate, and the T-Shirt didn't hurt either. So, I left that morning at what I thought was the end of the trail. But not so. There are 5K fun runs every month starting in March and going through June at least. Some months there are more than one. I not only plan on running in some, if not all, of them but also plan on running in the 8K (5 miles) Run in the Sun in May. Who knows, one day I might even do a half-marathon. See you on the road and Happy Trails!!!

Bite-Sized Candy

2009-02-16T13:55:00.004-06:00

This is a problem. I have decided that it is an evil plot designed by men OR people who are overweight. At lunch EVERY DAY, we DRAG out the bags of "bite-sized" chocolate. Much of it is dark chocolate because my friend, Dusti, says it is "better for you." Like any chocolate could be bad but never mind. The idea or marketing behind the dark chocolate is that because it is more bitter you won't eat as much. I EAT every bit as much and just scowl through the bitterness as I down 5-6 pieces. And as for the milk chocolate............well, it is so small ...but when you eat 10 pieces, it is MORE than if you had a single candy bar. I have had a hard time losing weight lately. I am running and I KNOW muscle weighs more than fat but hellooooo, I look at my legs and don't see muscle so am pretty sure it is FAT!! At lunch we all pretty much eat BOX meals (you know those little entrees that come in a box) that are supposed to be low in calories. Or in my case low in points which is what weight watchers members live (and die) by. So I try to keep my meal (along with my piece of fruit) down to about 6 points maybe 7. Are you impressed? Well don't be. Today I started adding up the "bite-sized" candies I was eating and I had eaten a total of 8 points.....MORE THAN MY MEAL!!! This is scandalous and the people behind this plot need to be exposed for what they are. Diabolical plotters who are exploiting women's craving for chocolate and desire to be thin. They are hitting us from both angles. And as I say this I have SIX chocolate kisses on my desk. After all.............they are really small.

I LOVE FEBRUARY!!!

2009-02-10T11:39:00.011-06:00

February is the best month of the whole year as far as I am concerned. On February 3rd my mom has a birthday. This year she was 88 years young. Her body has played out but her mind, spirit, and soul are still at the top of their game. My mom is the epitome of EVERYTHING a mom should be. And each year IN FEBRUARY, we get to celebrate another year of her remarkable life. ON THAT SAME DAY, George and I celebrate a wedding anniversary. This year we marveled at the fact that we have been together thirty one years!!! Quite an accomplishment in this day and age when we live in such a "disposable" society. And our wonder didn't come because we "made it so long" but rather that it seems like yesterday when we first started out on our adventure of life together. I guess time really does fly when you are having fun. Then the next day is my older brother's and my grandmother's birthday. My grandmother is in heaven but the 4th of February NEVER comes that I don't think of her and remember what a remarkable woman she was. Born in 1900, she lived to be 102. Saw many things over the course of her life. Was such a gentle soul. My brother and I don't see each other often but on that date, I call him and sing happy birthday and can hear the smile in his voice. What fun!! Then there is Valentine's Day. NOT A NATIONAL HOLIDAY (sorry Hallmark) BUT a day that reminds people (no matter how full of consumerism) of the people they love. We don't necessarily "DO" Valentine's Day but I think we DO make an extra effort that day. We tell each other "happy Valentine's day", we do something for the grandkids that says "nana and papa love you lots" and we send something sentimental but fun to our kids. Nothing big mind you, but the sweet thought that says "on this day when people are reminded of love, we are reminded of you!" It is nice. I might not even cook supper and get taken to dinner. Of course that statement could make almost EVERY Friday Valentine's :) Then FOUR DAYS LATER, it is my birthday!! Most people don't care enough or they care too much for their birthday. Not me. I am somewhere in the middle. I love my birthday as for me it represents another year come and gone and the journey continues. I love my birthday but don't expect others to recognize it or celebrate it. In fact, if there was no celebration other than my own inner sense of "congratulations", I would be okay with that. I am just happy that I have survived. And of course, my family does recognize it and make it important even if it is nothing more than my wonderful mom calling me first thing before I go to school and with full melody sings Happy Birthday every single year. I am so blessed EVERY month but there is so much for me in the shortest month of the year that I would just like to officically announce that I LOVE FEBRUARY!!!

Dear "Offended" Reader

2009-01-31T11:29:00.013-06:00

Webster defines blog as follows : a Web site that contains an online personal journal with reflections, comments, and often hyperlinks provided by the writer ; also : the contents of such a site

So........my blog is made up of my personal thoughts, reflections, and comments. It is my online journal or diary. I INVITED my friends and loved ones to visit it. In fact, I didn't invite all of my friends or even all of my family as I knew that some of them would not be in agreement with my thoughts or opinions. And I was trying to be considerate. Which leads me to YOU, "offended reader". I did not invite you. In fact, you can't just "get to my blog". I tried it by typing in joyceshelton's blog today and guess what....it didn't come up. So you didn't "happen upon it" and you weren't invited. You accessed it through someone else's. Which is fine EXCEPT......you took offense at one of the entries and immediately set out to punish me for my thoughts. You printed it out and tried to harm me with it by submitting it to someone that you thought could be or would be the "blog police." Well guess what? There is no blog police. And I can't be punished for my thoughts or feelings. That is guaranteed me through a little document called the Constitution of the United States in a little amendment called "freedom of speech." I take it you are not familiar with that. Otherwise, surely, you would be contacting the Standard Times weekly about some of the horrible editorials that they print. But perhaps you realize that is all they are... editorials.......people's opinions. Sort of like a blog. One thing that you took issue with is an old time saying that I have heard my whole life from educators. In fact PART OF IT is a quote from scripture. God didn't mean it ugly and I didn't either. In fact, "offended reader", it feels less to me like you were offended and more like you were trying to "have me punished." Which makes me wonder why since I know who you are. Have we had a fight that I am not aware of? There is a place for comments on my blog and I find myself wondering why you didn't avail yourself of that option or contact me personally since we are at the same place every day. Did you perhaps see yourself in the blog? Were you just having a bad day? I was, and my blog was the outlet. I didn't lie, call names, or engage in libel or slander of any kind. In fact, I only use names with permission. So, while I feel a little bewildered and betrayed by your behavior ( I love alliteration), I am going to call "no harm no foul " as there were no repercussions to your search for punishment of me for my personal thoughts. But, I do wonder as to what you were trying to accomplish and why? So, "offended reader", let me give you a valuable lesson in blog reading. It is alot like finding something to watch on TV or something decent on the radio. If you don't like the program, change the channel. If you can't stand the song, tune to another station. And if you find me to be a moron or offensive, at the top of the computer screen on the right, there is a box with an X in it. If you don't like what you are reading.....click on it. I think this will help. As to my other faithful FRIENDLY followers.........let the journey continue.............

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

2009-01-27T12:58:00.006-06:00

Reader beware!!! The title today reflects the content of this blog and so mainly it is for my benefit. My occupation is as follows.........I cast pearls of wisdom before swine for very little money. No one wants to be here, students and teachers alike. Everyone has an excuse, again, students and teachers alike. We are NOT preparing students to be productive citizens. We are not equipping them with what they need to be successful in the "real" world. Instead, we are offering them every excuse imaginable and placing "blame" on everyone under the sun for their lack of drive and ambition. Are you kidding me? They are masters at working the system. If they spent as much time working as they do with coming up with excuses for why they CAN'T, we would be a campus of Einsteins. My kids, for the most part, are good. But there is always ONE, okay, maybe TWO and they are aided by the "well meaning" people in the office who think we should try to "understand" them. I had a student a few years ago whose mom was dying of cancer. His name was Sam. He was in class every day, did his work, made good grades, AND had a job. I never knew his mom was sick. One day he told me he was going to be out for the next "couple of days" and could he get his work. I told him we would worry about it when he got back. I asked where he was going and he said "family trip." I thought that was odd but let it go. The next day there was an article on the front page of the paper about Sam and his family. How his mom was dying and how they made this special trip to New Mexico every year during the summer and since she wasn't going to be alive in the summer....they were taking the trip early. He had never said a word. He had even ASKED FOR HIS WORK!!! When he came back I told him he owed me NOTHING. The day his mom died he came to school to GET HIS WORK because he needed to "be with his dad" and he wanted "something to occupy his mind." Are you kidding me? Today, I had a student who couldn't do this major benchmark exam we are giving because "he has problems". PUH-LEEZE!!!! I have had this kid. In fact, when I held him accountable for his actions, he was "schedule changed" out of my class. Did I say he has "problems"? His biggest problem is that he is a titty baby! His home life isn't perfect but whose is? He does have some drama but who doesn't? But the "powers that be" allowed him to SIT on a bench and "collect himself" for the ENTIRE MORNING. You want to know where education is failing..........right there on that bench with that student. Are you kidding me?

No Place Else On Earth

2009-01-20T14:16:00.006-06:00

What a day this has been!!! I have been literally glued to the television since 6:30 this morning. I cancelled my classes exam they were scheduled to take today and instead we watched history unfold before our very eyes. I have tried my best all day to impart to the future generation the importance of today. Not just an African American elected to the presidency but the democratic transition of power. No where else on earth is power transferred as it is in the United States of America. The whole world is watching today. Along the Gaza strip there is no fighting (for today) in honor of what is taking place here in America. Nobody does it like us. That is why people all across the world are so interested. A peaceful transition of power. No bullets. No chaos. No coup d'etat. No bitterness from the power that is leaving. A coming together of people from different walks of life, different beliefs, different ethnicities, different socio-economic backgrounds and different politics. What a sight. Unity. Democracy. Freedom. Every time a new president takes office, the American people demonstrate the one thing that makes us so different from other countries..we lay aside our differences and our politics to embrace a new leader. We hope that he or she (someday) will be successful. What a testimony to our forefathers and the foundations upon which this country was built. There are many wrongs in our country but on this we get it right. And even with the troubles that plague us....I wouldn't live anywhere else. After all, there is no place else on earth like us. God Bless America and God Bless our new leader President Obama.

Keeping Up

2009-01-14T13:15:00.005-06:00

As most of you know, I run with my niece in the park two maybe three times a week. We run a 5K which is fancy talk for about 3.2 miles. Our route is about 3.4. Lots of people of all ages run in the park. Most of them just run the "trail" which both ways equals to about 2.5. Not us, we are hard core! Anway, my niece is younger than me (by a lot) and in better shape (again, by a lot!). So, when we run, we start out together, but after about 10 steps she pulls away and remains ahead of me by 1/2 to 3/4 of a mile the entire time. I feel bad because she is always having to wait at the finish line... but I just can't keep up. Yesterday, I was tired, it had been 3 days since I had even walked any distance, it was cold and I told her that I might not even make the entire loop. Just a feeling I had. I had no motivation and knew as such, I would not be able to keep up. She told me to just try........that's all.......just do my best. I was a doubter but we hit our stride. And the journey began. I noticed that we stayed together and I was trying to match my stride to hers. Her legs are longer so I was basically running while she was jogging. But when I looked up we had traveled about a 1/2 mile and there we were still side by side. I began to focus on "keeping up" and before I knew it we had made the mile and a half mark. I began to think "I can do this" and with each step my confidence grew. As we neared the two mile mark, that euphoric feeling of accomplishment began to settle in and grow with each step. As we got ready to cross the Celebration Bridge to the END of our journey, she and I BOTH were grinning ear to ear. When we crossed the "finish line" together, she hugged me and we both were so excited. I did the "Rocky" dance at the top of the steps. What a feeling. And as we walked back to the car we decided that I had finally built up enough stamina to match her pace. Stamina. Keeping on and keeping up. It is the same with anything. If we just keep putting one foot in front of the other, take deep breaths, and don't quit....we can keep up with anything. Our lives, our children, our jobs, our hopes and dreams. It is easy and common to "get behind" but not if we focus on keeping up. Not if we are unwilling to be comfortable ( as I was ) with "falling behind." Not if we just condition ourselves to make it to the end. Whatever the journey. It takes time and practice but one day you look up and there is the finish line. It's not about winning, or losing. It is just about keeping up.

Haunting Question

2009-01-12T09:22:00.006-06:00

We are going through The Truth Project in our Bible study groups for the next 10 weeks or so and it is part of the James Dobson "focus on the family" curriculum. Our first session was this week and it ended with this question "Do you really believe that what you believe is really real?" Everyone immediately said yes. It was like a "duh" moment..............at first. Then as we all just kind of sat there.....the enormity of that question and the answer to it hit every one of us. You could almost see it. Because if we really believe that what we believe is really real then why don't we live like it? Why don't we share it with others? Why don't we SHOUT if from the rooftops. Why don't we raise our families and base our friendships on it? Why don't we use it as the measurement by which we do everything in our lives. Why? I don't know. In fact, I asked our group and no one knew. Why can't we be like Paul? I mean, seriously, he was just a man. He wasn't even the best or the brightest. What about all the "heroes" of the Bible? All just like you and me. Yet, when was the last time you felt like a hero for Christ? When was the last time you met someone and worried about their eternal condition? When was the last time that instead of judging someone's actions, you prayed for their soul? How long has it been since you just sat and "talked" with God? For me...........it has been TOO long. Let me ask you two questions. 1) Do you really believe that what you believe is really real? 2) Do people know that by the way you live? We need to live better, to be better, to behave in such a way that our beliefs are clear to all who see us all the time, including ourselves.

What Not to Wear

2009-01-09T10:25:00.005-06:00

Do people not own/buy mirrors anymore? I read an article last week that showed the difference in portions in America from 20 years ago and then it compared portion sizes between America and other countries. WE ARE FAT!!! And I work in an environment where kids are so technologically advanced that they don't engage in physical activity of any kind. Well, there is one physical activity they are involved in but it only burns like 10 calories. And yet, they wear clothes two sizes too small for them, and pants that would fit a 5 year old and think they look good. What is that about? I changed clothes today THREE times because everything I put on my body made "pleats" in it. So, I am safely ensconced in a turtle neck with a sweatshirt over it. Not only am I safe but my students have made it through another day without being scarred for life. So, I am frustrated with the lack of self-control in CLOTHING!! I am not concerned about the self-discipline that comes from not eating because I myself have issues in that area. But for pete's sake COVER IT UP!!! And it is not just the young either. Women with shirts tucked into pants that already have way to much in there. Or pants that come up under your breasts? Where do you go to buy those? Here's a little advice...if you have had children, do not work out, have a "normal" body as a result and are over 40.......LEAVE the shirttail OUT!! Or the other extreme..........clothes so baggy that you could hide a small animal in them and no one would ever know. You are not homeless, buy clothes that FIT!! You don't need growing room unless you are 8! I don't get why people don't take more care with their appearance. Especially the young women of today and I am not just talking about teens. Am I vain? Probably, but I prefer to think of myself as considerate of the "eyes" of others. I was raised by a single mom with three brothers and I was the youngest and wore THEIR hand me downs and yet in photographs I always look well groomed. My mom always said "it's not what you wear but HOW you wear it. Be clean, make sure you match, don't wear things too big or too small, "paint your lips", NEVER go out without your face "on", and wear clean underwear." I don't know about you but sounds like words to live by. So, if it feels tight, IT IS!!! AND...if you can turn around in it, it is too big. If you aren't sure, LOOK IN THE MIRROR, it unfortunately won't lie to you. And while you are at it...............COMB YOUR HAIR!!! That is all!

Running Into the Wind

2009-01-07T08:24:00.006-06:00

Yesterday I was jogging in the park and the first part of my "loop" (about a mile and a half) was head on into the wind. It was cold and the wind was pretty strong. I kept laboring, not only to run, but basically to breathe. I remember thinking....this is so hard. I can't wait until I make the turnaround. This will be so easy with the wind at my back. So I kept literally plodding along. When I made the turnaround the wind shifted and, as I expected, the run became much easier. BUT...I noticed that even though the run was easier..... the rush that I had from that cold wind in my face was gone. The sense of accomplishment that I had "made it" into the wind faded as I began "coasting" back to the start. Made me think. Much of life is spent running into the wind. It is a struggle to make the next step and we anxiously look for the "turn" in the road that will put the wind at our backs and let us coast for a while. But there is no sense of accomplishment in that. Aerobically, your heart gets a better workout when you are running into the wind. Perhaps, that is true with our lives. I have learned more through the struggles than I ever have through the coasting. I am more excited when I make it through a difficult time than I am when everything is going my way. I am comfortable with the wind at my back but I am thrilled when I have completed the course with the wind in my face. I am not saying that I want a life of struggles. I just want to remember the experience of running with the wind in my face and the gratitude that I feel when I complete the course. Anyone can coast. So, here's to running into the wind....feeling the pain....but ending the course with a sense of accomplishment and rush of exhilaration that the road has been traveled.

Goodbye 2008

2008-12-30T09:58:00.005-06:00

Well this year is almost over and I can honestly say that I am NOT sorry to see it go. It has been a trying year for me and my family. We have had one medical situation after another since March. Month after month. I mean January and February we were good and then BAM!!! I jokingly referred to our home as the "Shelton Family Memorial Clinic" for most of the year and of course with the exception of the "head nurse" aka ME, the Clinic was not really a pleasant place. We just kept rotating patients....Katie, my mom, George, Katie, my mom, George. I NEVER GOT TO BE SICK ONCE!!! Okay, I got to be sick but alas there was no nurse available as she was SICK!! But as I look back... I realize that God was with us every step of the way and things could have been so much worse. What a year!! Katie graduated from Lake View and got ready to "move out" to go to school. It was such an adjustment for everyone. She grew up almost overnight and became so independent and responsible. And as I watched that with pride, I also felt a little sad that my "little girl" was not so little anymore. And as I look back on that.. I again see the hand of God in her life as she ventured out into the world and BACK to church. We had helpers come and go at Shelton Plumbing and that was an adjustment for George. We knew the economy was bad, but never dreamed it would impact our little "family" business. And then it did....... ALOT! And despite all the DRAMA, we made it through and here we are anxiously awaiting a new year with hope of new adventures and chapters in the book of our lives. I am grateful for SOME of the trials of the past year, as I learned from them and IN many of them deepened my relationship with the Lord. I truly believe that He will hold me and keep me all the days of my life. My wish/resolution/desire for 2009 is for me AND my family to be healthier physically, emotionally, and spiritually. So, I leave 2008 behind grateful for the lessons learned and the obstacles overcome. Grateful for another year of life lived with all the good and bad that comes with it. I hope that I will carry that with me into 2009 and know that no life is without sorrow and trials. That we all face hills and valleys. That God will be with us through it all if we just trust and have faith. So, here's to 2009... I am ready!!! I wish all of you a healthy, happy, and prosperous new year!!

All Dogs Go to Heaven

2008-12-22T08:50:00.006-06:00

My beautiful blue heeler Beau is being put down this morning. He is 10 years old and he has belonged to us since he was 8 weeks old. He can catch a frisbee, a ball, or anything else that you were willing to toss in mid-air. He entertained all the neighborhood kids and passer-bys who wanted to throw the frisbee for the "flying dog". He is extremely smart and stubborn. Is house trained but stayed outside mostly. As he got older it became a game of "outwit, outlast, and outplay" when we would try to put him out and it was cold outside. He would take off running and drag himself under our bed or any place else where it was impossible to get to him. One day, he had wedged himself in so tight under our bed that he just slept there the entire day. We ultimately had to help him get out. They say that 10 years old is a good life for a dog. I guess. But the aging process isn't really kind to any of us. He started having "accidents", and a couple of months ago had a seizure. He was on an arthritis medication and still played frisbee with George but now instead of out in the field behind the house, they played in the back yard where Beau didn't have to run as hard or fast. Saturday, he had three seizures and the last two were pretty violent. We took him to the "hospital" at 11 that evening and the next morning after church picked him up with some anti-seizure meds. He never got to take them. He had another seizure at the vet's office that morning and just couldn't recover. After nursing him all day and staying up with him off and on all night....I made THE CALL this morning. Our wonderful vet is making a house call at 10:00. He is going to assess Beau and then make the decision. But I already know. I love that dog... A LOT. He is like a member of the family. He is not himself. In fact, he is a mess. It is breaking my heart but because I love him I know that I have to be merciful to him and give him rest. It is said that dogs don't have souls. That is why they don't go to heaven. I agree with part of that. Beau doesn't have a soul but he has heart and spirit. And that will live in my spirit. My love for him will live in my heart. And when I die I will take it with me. So, yes, he will get to go to heaven.... in my heart. I will miss you dear friend. You were a great dog.

Not doing Christmas

2008-12-19T10:46:00.005-06:00

All I have heard for the past month is "I/We aren't doing Christmas this year." Not doing Christmas? What does that even mean? You are just going to leave the country? Oh wait, Christmas is EVERYWHERE!!! I notice people don't say "we are not doing Thanksgiving, Easter, or Halloween." Let me guess. Those holidays are about YOU. About EATING. About little, if any, effort!! Christmas involves giving. And I know, before you even think it, it is or SHOULD BE about the birth of our Saviour. I get that. I celebrate that. But Jesus was OUR gift. A gift to the world. How do you just say, "I'm not doing that?" I know that economically things are tough and they are at the Shelton household as well. But this bitter, cynical attitude about Christmas? That is not a money issue. That is a selfish issue. (Gospel according to Shelton). My husband has never liked Christmas but his is a MAN issue. Shopping? Are you kidding me? The Christmas fairy does all of his shopping and wraps and labels stuff and he just sits back and receives the "thank-yous." OOPS, now I am sounding bitter. And I am not. We are DOING Christmas this year. And it won't be on a grand scale because the economy IS bad. But we will "do it" just the same because we love to give at my house. Because the economy was pretty rough on Joseph and Mary (couldn't really afford a motel) but God DID Christmas anyway. He didn't wait for a better place to come open to give us His gift. Because this is and should be a joyous time. Why is everyone so angry? Why is everyone so anti-Christmas this year. I am particularly amazed at my friends that say "this year we are going to truly celebrate the reason for the season". Haven't you been doing that all along? Do gifts prevent you from doing that? Or the ones that say "we are going to make memories this year" or "not waste money on a bunch of crap". Well memories aren't made, they happen. And I bet no one has ever actually bought crap. Where do you go to get that anyway? I just spoke to one too many people this week that had this whole anti-Christmas attitude and it made me feel guilty for buying gifts (which are within my budget I might add) and for singing carols and looking forward to time spent with family and friends. So, yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus and you can find him at my house Christmas morning, along with the food, the presents, the memories and oh yeah....the crap!! Merry Christmas and to all a "LIGHTEN UP!!"

I am Definitely the Smartest Person in the Room

2008-12-18T10:23:00.008-06:00

I am testing young adults (17-18 year olds) before the Christmas break. As usual, there is kind of a fellowship time at the beginning of class. I listen to them speak and what comes out their mouths covinces me that I am the smartest person in the room. Every day, every class period. Yesterday, I had a young lady who could not understand why she got a ticket for parking in a handicapped zone at Wal-Mart when she had to hurry in and get her lunch so she wouldn't be late back to school. I tried to explain the concept of "handicapped" and she said "well I never thought it was for people who couldn't walk." Okay, perhaps she parked there because she is MENTALLY handicapped and then I would agree that she didn't deserve a ticket. In fact, she should get a parking sticker. Perhaps a brain in a red circle with a line across it? So day by day, I feel more intelligent. Today, however, was extra enlightening!! We were doing a quick review and I was just peppering them with questions and everyone was answering spontaneously. I asked the class the following question, "Due to the prosperity of the 1920's people began to purchase goods on?" The answer of course was "credit". But one young lady shouted out E-BAY!!! Yes, in the 1920s they had e-bay! I am not only the smartest in the room but today I am Einstein!!

E-bay.....yikes!! The future of America people. Scary isn't it?

Perspective

2008-12-16T09:11:00.015-06:00

Perspective is a funny thing. It all depends on how you look at it. Did you know that in harassment cases, what matters is whether or not the person FELT harassed? That, according to the law, their perception is what matters. In fact the law states that if the person FELT harassed then NO MATTER the intent, harassment occurred. So, the law is based on perception. Perception is reality. Police will tell you that 5 people can see a car accident and each one will have a different "eyewitness" account. The end result will be the same but the "details" will vary according to the witness' perspective. I have seen and heard many different perspectives in the last 5 days or so as we are experiencing a transition in our church. Transition.....that's another funny word. We all know what it means but it has become political speak for "you might not like the change that is coming." If you don't believe that... just ask the Republicans right now as they are "transitioning" to a new president! Anyway, you have to be careful when listening to people's perspective on certain events or people. They are really telling you what amounts to "their side". They don't even intend that.... but they are speaking from their perspective... which is like I said...their reality. It is intermingled with how they FEEL. We all do it. When we are conversing with friends, family, or loved ones we do it. If we are talking sports, religion, politics, or even who has the best/worst life...it is spoken through OUR perspective OR our view as it applies to us. Things in our conversation are tempered with how they AFFECT us. And on emotional issues, it is really hard to find the truth amidst the perspective of the person speaking it. That is why we must weigh and measure what we say, how we say it, and more importantly, why we say it. And the same in the hearing.... what are we hearing, why are we hearing it and what is the motive of the person speaking it? So, is there ANY truth out there? Yes, but sometimes you have to really sift to find it. But then, that is just my perspective.

Doo-Wap Doo- Wap

2008-12-16T08:35:00.003-06:00

I LOVE to sing. I LOVE music. My life has a soundtrack (read previous blog of same title!) Well I have always, with salt shaker (or spatula or whatever I could find) in hand have put on mini concerts in my home. From small child, to teenager, to yes even now. Of course I do this when no one else is home and I am ALWAYS the headline act!!! No second billing for me. UNTIL NOW!! Sunday night I (along with our choir) got to sing back up to Grammy Award winning artist Larnelle Harris. Oh my gosh!! More fun than a barrel of monkeys. Seriously, I had the best time ever. Katie stood next to me and she and I had the time of our lives. I have found my calling. A Doo-Wap girl. Okay, I am definitely going to have to have some kind of surgical procedure done first in order to LOOK as good as I SOUND...but I am retiring in 3 years and there will be plenty of time. Another "dreamgirl" has been discovered...even if it is only within the confines of her mind!!

Hopscotch in the Park

2008-12-09T09:42:00.002-06:00

Yesterday I took a jog in Santa Fe Park. It was a glorious afternoon and there were people jogging/walking/running. Some had their dogs. Men were playing golf. Several were picking up pecans. Others were fishing. Kids kingdom was full and children were playing behind the YMCA as part of the day care program. I had the best music on my IPOD and after laboring the first quarter mile (which is usual for me) I got into a rhythm and was just enjoying the sights and beauty of the park. On my way back through I read all the signs that are a part of the tour of lights and just was having a whale of a time. But nothing compares to what happened at the end of my route. I decided instead of stopping at my usual stop that I would jog down through to Celebration Bridge. As I got on the bridge, I noticed a dad with his two little girls sitting on the bridge posts. At their feet was a net. They had been seining for bait. I went past with a smile and a wave. On my way back by, I noticed hopscotch tiles on the bridge. I was walking in perfect rhythm to my music when I spontaneously did the hopscotch. When I got to the end tile I jumped on it with both feet and looked over at those precious little girls. No words spoken. Their faces broadened into the biggest of smiles and so did mine. I walked off and felt the carefree happiness of a child. As I made the bend I looked back and they had "pulled" their daddy over to the tiles and I could see him "hopping" on the tiles and explaining the "game" to his little girls. A special moment for all of us!! I was glad to be a part of it. Hopscotch in the park. Maybe today when I go I will bring a rock and really play!!!

Lightening the Load

2008-12-05T09:59:00.004-06:00

We all carry a load of some sort. A few weeks back someone really hurt and disappointed me. I thought it was just good old poisonous anger but it stemmed from hurt and disappointment which is where anger really comes from I think. Anyway, I just nursed these feelings and let them sort of dictate my relationship with this person and my attitude about a lot of things related to them. Yesterday God grabbed my attention (yanked is a better term) and told me that I needed to not only let these feelings go but to forgive the person who had caused them. I remembered a sermon I had heard a while back that said that one way to erase the bitterness in your life is to not only forgive the person who has hurt you but to tell them (when it is possible and realistic to do so) that you forgive them. Are you kidding? Go to the person who has hurt or disappointed you and tell them you forgive them when they haven't even asked for forgiveness? That's a little presumptuous don't you think? Well that sermon came to mind yesterday and I made an appointment to see this person. A friend of mine tells me that I am like the old cartoon character that has the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other. I always say "yeah and the angel stands there daily thinking man, my life sucks because the devil wins out more often than not". And the devil was there yesterday. I had decided that when I told this person I forgave them I was also going to "revisit" what had caused the problem in the first place and do all I could to not only make my side known but to try to make this person feel bad. After all, God had led me to this place, right? Well today I met with the individual and the devil DID NOT WIN OUT!! God was indeed in this from the beginning and He carried me through today. I was sincere, I spoke my heart, witnessed a little, and gave God the glory for all of it. The meeting went great and I left with a sense of peace. The individual was receptive and opened up to me about their own spiritual struggles. We were able to talk like children of Christ. It was good. God is not a liar. "If you have aught against your brother, you should go to him and make it right." I am paraphrasing but you can find it in Matthew. Every time I follow God's instruction, it turns out to be such a good thing. DUH!! So today I am lighter. A burden is lifted. I think that is how we have to approach such things. One at a time. Lightening the load.

Right in front of my face

2008-12-03T10:15:00.004-06:00

Yesterday I lost my school keys. And what followed was a total 100% freakout!! I dug through the trash, had my assistant principal look at the cameras on my hall to see if we could see me with them, called all my friends, and eventually had my husband stand on a ladder and hold a flashlight while I dug through the school dumpster last night. EEWWW!!! And of course I did not find them. I was sick. Just sick. Almost couldn't eat supper. (you notice I said almost) Came to school today heavy hearted as those were my keys to EVERYTHING!! For teachers, our keys are basically our lives. Sad but true. As the department chair, I have the keys to EVERYTHING and of course everything was locked and now I have no keys. After a departmental meeting this morning, I was getting a test for a colleague and opened a FLAT notebook that had been on my desk the whole time and that I had even picked up and moved yesterday during my frantic search and BAM! there were my keys. Right in front of my face. Well hidden by a binder but still. It set me to thinking. I had gotten so upset and tried hard to spread that to all of my friends and loved ones (misery DOES love company) when what I was upset about was right in front of my face. Wonder how often that happens in my day to day life. I worry, stress, and seek for answers or solutions when it is most likely right in front of my face. Last night at supper George prayed and he did ask God to help me find my keys (he sort of snickered when he said it because he just thought it was silly that I was so upset) and I said "God doesn't care about my keys" and he said "I am fairly certain He does." I thought about that and realized that God cares about everything in our lives because He cares for us. He wants that relationship with us. It's not about "lost" keys. It is about US. He cares when we are upset, or stressed, or happy. He wants to share EVERYTHING in our lives. I am starting to find that in everything there is something that God is wanting us to learn. He tries to share with us and sometimes we can't see what is right in front of our face. I want a full time relationship with God. I do. And I work, and worry, and try to do all the things that I think will "get that" for me. How stupid. I learned, with the keys, that the minute I got out of the way, the minute I quit trying to do it all on my own, the minute I just let go.....there they were. I know it seems weird to use lost keys as an analogy to finding a relationship with God but that is how my mind is working today. And it is MY blog after all. I don't have to search and worry and stress about my relationship with the Lord. I don't have to search frantically to find Him. He is right here....waiting for me to let go and let Him, counting the moments until I relax, and look for Him...right in front of my face.

ART

2008-11-28T13:47:00.007-06:00

Art....I don't get it. As I was waiting for my niece and her friend to show up at the Celebration Bridge Thanksgiving morning for us to do our version of the Turkey Trot. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, a 5K run on Thanksgiving morning. She was late...shocking for her!
We were to meet at the San Angelo Museum of Fine Arts. Since I was early, I started looking around. That is when I saw this bright squiggly blue thing. It is cool looking but I think my grandson, Ryder, has duplicated it with bendy straws many times as we have been out to eat. It is blue and shiny but art? I am not so sure. There is no telling what it costs but I bet it wasn't cheap. And so I started thinking....hey, maybe I could be an artist? Okay, maybe not...but I just don't see this as art. Not really even as a sculpture. Just a cool blue bendy thing. As I waited (some more) for my niece to arrive I saw these interesting pieces of "art"
Now I KNOW that Grace Elizabeth (she's 7) has made these EXACT same trees out of play-doh before. You know, their (Ryder and Grace) daddy is an artist. Even teaches art. Maybe he isn't an artist after all. Maybe he, along with whoever did these pieces of art, were just mimicking what they have seen their children do?
Art? I don't get it.

It's Not Cancer

2008-11-25T13:36:00.005-06:00

I feel sorry for myself sometimes. I think we all do. Life gets hard. There are demands, issues and stress. But it is life. It is living. It is not cancer. I have a good friend whose body has been invaded by cancer. Yet, for him, it's not about the cancer. It is about life. It is about being thankful for all the things that come with life. Because he wants to live. Even with all the demands, issues and stress, he wants to live. And so do we all. Sometimes I think that we don't realize that even in the midst of life at its worst it is better than no life at all. I am not talking about spirituality here because I know, as does my friend, to "be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord", for those that believe. But I am talking about us in the flesh. We all want to live but we ALSO want life to be good. Our perspective is all wrong. Maybe we should realize that drawing breath under ANY circumstances is good. That if we are healthy then no matter the financial trouble, drama with our kids, disappointment in our friends, dissatisfaction with our jobs, or any of the other things that cause us to be unahppy.....it is not cancer. When I say that, it makes me ashamed. All of the times I have whined and complained when I really have nothing to be unhappy about. I have a family that loves me, good friends, a roof over my head, clothes to wear, food to eat, a vehicle to drive, and a job. I am, for the most part, healthy as is my family. And when things go wrong, I need to remind myself.....it's not cancer. And be grateful.
Please pray for my friend and his family; Brandon, Jenny, Brady, Kylee, and Landon Clark.

Thankfulness

2008-11-24T09:30:00.006-06:00

Every year at this time, I focus, as does everyone else, on the things for which I am thankful. The things that are important to me. The things that affect my very being. Like my family, my faith, my health, my job, good friends, a place to live, and of course eternal security. But what about those things that make me happy that aren't your every day garden variety "thanks for this" stuff? Well here are the EXTRAS that make me thankful that probably don't get a lot of press from me or anyone else for that matter. So here are my TOP TEN THINGS THAT I AM THANKFUL FOR THAT NEVER GET TALKED ABOUT
10. desserts ( not just chocolate, though that is huge, but any other sweet delicacy that when you place it in your mouth, your tongue goes "wow, thanks a LOT!"
9. hot showers (the kind that, when you are chilled to the bone, the minute the water hits you, you squirm around under the shower head trying to get that warmth all over your body)
8. couch blankets (the soft cuddly ones that you wrap up in even when it is 90 degrees outside. Probably goes back to that "swaddling" thing of our infancy)
7. clean sheets (best sleep ever)
6. laughter (where your stomach hurts)
5. tears (the happy kind, usually from great laughter)
4 solitude (not forced but voluntary)
3. a great book (read after that hot shower under that great blanket!)
2. supper (doesn't matter the dish, just everyone around the table, talking at once enjoying each other and it isn't even a holiday!)
1. pets (any kind...always glad to see you, listens if needed, doesn't judge, and will curl up beside you and offer unconditional love at any time of any day)

My Life Has A Soundtrack

2008-11-20T14:14:00.003-06:00

I love music. I always have. When I was growing up, television didn't stay on the air 24 hours or even most of the day. But the radio did. Everyone had a stereo of some kind. We had tons of records, both albums and 45's. My brothers always had records. I can still feel the static of the cellophane that covered the cardboard sleeves that housed the music of my life. The slick vinyl music with the tiny lines that separated one song from another. Music filled our home. Not just "kids" music but the music of my mom's generation and all the soundtracks from the musicals of the time. And when we weren't playing albums, we were listening to the radio. There was not a plethora of stations to choose from either. There was just a lot of different music played on one channel. And we would sit and anxiously wait for "our song" to come on. We entered the contests, called in to the request line and made dedications to our friends and boy/girl friends. We danced on the porch, in the house, and even on the furniture (when mom wasn't home). Dance contests were a staple of our week. We knew every word of every song and sang them at the top of our lungs. We would create our own music videos (though we had no idea what those were) by sometimes acting out the lyrics. It makes me smile to remember. I listen to the oldies to revisit the songs of my youth. Every song reminds me of a person, an incident, or even a specific day or time of day. To this day my family still loves music. My daughter was rocked to sleep by some of the greatest music every written; "brown-eyed girl", "Country Road Take Me Home", the entire soundtrack from "My Fair Lady", "Jesus Loves Me", "Yankee Doodle/She's a Grand Old Flag" medley, and some Beatles just to name a few. My tastes run far and wide. She too is a musical child. And her tastes are far reaching as well. Our music minister has a gift for selecting music that speaks to the hearts of God's people. Whether we are at choir practice or singing to our "family" at church, I feel the closest to God at those times. I have heard many a great sermon in the guise of song. I have been convicted and moved to tears and a desire to "do and be better" through music. I remember the song that was playing when I walked forward and told my church family that I had accepted Christ as my Saviour and was wanting to be baptized. I remember it was that same song when my daughter-in -law made that same walk on Christmas Day. I am so thankful that God gave us music. It moves, inspires, and cheers me. When the day seems long, and the burdens heavy, I "crank it up" in my car or in my home and let the music take me away. I am grateful for the soundtrack of my life.

Chocolate Promises

2008-11-18T18:18:00.003-06:00

I am a cusser. I am not proud of that, I am just stating a fact. I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, fool around, or any other "vice". Instead I cuss. I use to not cuss, BUT I did drink, smoke and particpate in other "youthly vices". I am not condoning or making excuses but that is where I think the cussing comes from. I quit doing a few bad things and started doing just one. Well my Sunday School a few weeks back graciously agreed to pray for me about this. Of course, this took place after I cussed in class. In fact, many of them looked a little taken back and then of course I had to confess. Hello, my name is Joyce, I am a cusser. Hello Joyce!! Well, I believe that their prayers are working. I eat lunch with a great crew that are affectionately known as the "lunch bunch". We eat, laugh, and play cards every day. (that card playing is a whole other blog!) The girls in the group LOVE Dove brand chocolate. It is the expensive kind that comes in very small bags, individually wrapped, and in different varieties. Everyday we all eat 2-3 as we eat and play cards. Just a note, when it was my turn to buy the chocolate I slipped in a "hershey's mix" that was not well received at all. But I digress. Every one of these pieces of chocolate have a "promise" inside written on the foil wrapper. They are silly things like "take a break, have another piece". Most of the "promises" are repeated in every piece of candy. Today, I ate a piece and read the "promise" inside. Normally I just eat the candy. It said 'kick a bad habit for today". Are you kidding me? I read it to the lunch bunch who responded in unison "CUSSING!!" About 4 minutes later when I ate my next piece I read the wrapper and it said "think of every day as a Sunday" Oh my gosh. I spend most of my day at church on Sunday's and I don't cuss there with the exception of that little dammit in Sunday School that time. I have always searched for the still small voice of God. Today He not only spoke to me LOUD and CLEAR..but He spoke to me through CHOCOLATE!! HOW AMAZING. And.....I haven't cussed since!!!! But it wouldn't hurt to keep praying :)

Storming Mount Suribachi

2008-11-18T08:42:00.002-06:00

If you don't know, Mount Suribachi is where the marines planted the American Flag at Iwo Jima. They have a very famous statue of it and it was in all the history books!! I would have never been successful in the military. All that conformity. Not to mention the bad fashion choices. Yet I continue to storm the mountain, with no reinforcements and armed with nothing more than my sense of righteous indignation. At least in the military they have a PLAN before battle. A strategy as it were. Not me, I just storm the mountain with no thought to the consequences, no plan, just my overwhelming desire to see my flag of righteous indignation planted there. I have always been a champion of the underdog (even when he didn't need or want my help). So when I see wrongs (or perhaps better said, what I PERCEIVE as wrongs) I pull out my flag and start storming the mountain. Old generals react from their gut instincts and years of battle experience, but they still have to get approval before they undertake the mission. I never think to get approval, I just roll with my gut. As I get older, the mountain gets harder to climb and the flag I carry seems heavier. I doubt that is the case. Perhaps I am just realizing that I need a plan. That not everything has to be a battle. That if I let the Lord be my general I won't have to fight near as hard or as often. That my sense of "righteous indignation" is mired in what I want and what I think is right instead of what God deems right. Petty little battles is about all it amounts to. And unnecessary chaos left behind. I have to stop marching to the beat of what I want, and what I think, and what I need and perhaps focus more on what God wants and what He thinks and what He needs me to do. I wouldn't have been good in the military. But the Shelton regiment isn't working so well either. Perhaps I should retire my flag and join a new outfit. So today is my enlistment day!! Here I am Lord, reporting for duty. And thanks for not making me wear an unflattering uniform!

Monday Morning Musings

2008-11-17T08:26:00.000-06:00

The weekend was great but went so fast. Are you kidding me. It seems like I just left this place. I am teaching the Progressive Era and not having any progress. Pun intended. I just cannot seem to motivate the kids to be excited about this era in history. In fact, I had a student put his head down and I thought to myself, man I wish I could do that. Teaching is an honorable institution but who wants to be in an institution? I think more and more that in May of 2012 I can leave this profession and not have to but up with the beaurecratic bullshingles that permeate every aspect of education. But then I think, I know that God gave me this talent (its the only one I have by the way) and I know that He wants me to use it. I know that besides teaching students the subject matter, that I am reaching some of them (not nearly enough) on a spiritual level. What will happen if I leave? Will there be another place for me to serve or will I just go home and do nothing. While the latter sounds like heaven on earth to me, I wonder what God would have me do? I am afraid to ask as His answer might be "stay". My job gets harder every year. Kids are changing and not for the better. This old nasty now and now is getting nastier. Nothing I do seems relevant any longer. Several of my "former" students were involved in a murder a few weeks back. A young woman who graduated with my daughter last year past away last week. She was unmarried and 7 months pregnant. Just died. My kids have been in jail, see a probation officer and are court ordered to come to school. How good does retirement sound now? Exactly. I know God has a plan I just wonder if He has met my students?

Is there anything you miss about the Catholic Church?

2008-11-15T18:04:00.000-06:00

This question prompted by my discussion with my mom today that I did not want her to send money to people to pray for her because she was losing her hair. Stop laughing, I am serious. A novena (as well as I can remember is like a prayer cluster) and you don't have to pay for it but usually when you request it there is a "donation" envelope involved. I had no idea how angry I was at the Church and the lies that I had been told growing up. Correction, not lies, really no information at all. Being born in the Bronx, aka "little Italy", my family is the epitome of Catholicism. My brothers were altar boys, we all went to parochial school ( fancy name for church or private) and mass was a constant in our lives. Along of course with confession which now they call something more "user friendly". I saw the term on my mom's catholic newsletter today and can't remember what it is but at the time I thougth what the....? Anyway, I was a child in confession A LOT because I never felt like I measured up and just "hoping" that I got to heaven seemed more than a little unreliable. So, I never read the Bible, never prayed to anyone other than a priest, and was very frightenend of what I believed to be an angry, wrathful, omnipotent God. I never prayed unless someone "led" me and then I just bowed my head and closed my eyes while we prayed for world peace or the upcoming church festival instead of intimate, personal needs and fears and desires that only God can handle. So today when my mom wanted prayer for her hair....all of that just kind of came spewing out of my mouth. Not the Christian thing for me to do and something that I am not proud of as my mom is a deeply spiritual woman who clings to her faith. Now I had the privilege of leading my mom to the Lord months back but Catholicism is something that never goes away. Those teachings are deeply ingrained in your and it is hard to turn lose. I still suffer from "spiritual guilt" which was something I was taught in Catholic school. Some people find comfort in the ritual of it. Not me. So after another outburst in which I declared that there was no such thing as purgatory (after all, I was on a roll)and she needed no one but Jesus to get to God and that the Church had lied to me my whole life she said, " Is there anything you miss about the Catholic church?" And I adamantly said NOT ONE THING!! She looked shaken at that and more than a little sad. How can she still cling to a religion that doesn't even know that she exists. She sat faithfully in the same pew for 30+ years and gave financially and NO ONE comes to see her. No one knows who she is or that she is there. How can that be? Am I angry because of what they did to me or to what they are doing to her? She is hurt and it makes me angry. We are to love one another and more so the widows and the children. She is 87 and faithfully keeps up with church news, with the bulletin and still receives those novenas that offer to pray for her "for free" with a donation envelope included. Yet, they do not know who she is. They don't come and offer her the sacraments that they believe are vital to one going to heaven. So, it is like she is forgotten by her faith. Is there anything I miss about the Catholic church? I miss that I missed out. That I never knew that I could get to heaven without a priest. I miss that I had to wait 36 years to come to the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. I miss.....I miss my mom. She is still here but the years have not been kind to her physically. She is so sharp mentally but even that is starting to fail. I love her and feel bad that I may have inadvertenly hurt her today. But I know this I do not miss being a Catholic and all that goes with it. And as for her hair, I am going to buy her vitamins.

Technologically Handicapped

2008-11-14T16:24:00.001-06:00

My friend Wendi informed me this week that she was blogging. I viewed hers and thought this is the thing for me. Well that was two days ago and after about 10 hours of computer time (not consecutive, I do have a life) I am up and running. So who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks? I am excited about "blogging" as I have love to write my whole life. Always dreamed I would write a book. Perhaps if I string enough blogs together...? Would that classify as a short story? Had many things to post but the set up wore me out!!!